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August 31, 2005

Baby Playaz

For months now, I have been watching the mind-altering genius of Baby
Einstein videos. If you have not seen it (meaning, you have no kids),
it is the most bizarre series of photos and live action sequences you
have ever seen, and babies will be glued to it for hours. It is
something you might watch if you were high.

It got me thinking though. These people are making great truckloads of
money. So I think we will steal their idea and make money for
ourselves.

I am announcing the development of "Baby Playaz", a video designed to
educate and stimulate the minds of young toddlers.

Our videos will be similar in nature to the Einstein ones, but not so
much that they can sue us.

We will enthrall babies with our glaring visage emitting from their
television sets. They will not be able to take their eyes off of our
colorful cardigans and turtlenecks.

It is well known that little babies eyes are stimulated by various
patterns and shapes, and our videos will provide that as well. Imagine
your baby staring at Bon's argyle sweater for hours on end, soaking in
the knowledge. Your child will be a genius when he or she watches our
Baby Playaz videos.

Of course, the video will also include plenty of other visual stimuli
that will keep your child's attention such as artistic renderings.

We will also merchandise and develop puppets that will help your baby
learn. On this version, we have attached antlers onto the Tac puppet
that will amuse your child. The Tac puppet can be used to talk to your
toddler about the dangers of "mini-whites". Or, if your child is not
behaving, you may use the Tac puppet to shout profanities at your child
to get him or her to be quiet, or the puppet will become even more angry.

So be on the lookout for this exciting new product that should be hitting the shelves soon.

Posted by Phil at August 31, 2005 8:00 AM