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October 19, 2005
Bon volunteers in aiding fight against bird flu; kills all birds
Following recent orders by government authorities to begin culling birds in Asia and in parts of Europe to battle the potential outbreak of the bird flu, Bon volunteered his services to begin culling birds that Bon suspects may be carrying the deadly virus in America.
Bon made swift work of the birds in within his neighborhood, creating a deadly environment for the local blue jays, cardinals, robins, and geese that frequent the area, killing off birds one by one via poisoning, mallet, or shotgun blast. "The safest way to protect ourselves from an outbreak of bird flu in epidemic proportions is to simply kill every last bird," Bon said.
Next, Bon headed over to the local children's Petting Zoo. "These birds don't look safe to me," Bon was overheard as saying upon arrival. He then wiped out an entire cage of parakeets with some form of pesticide spray pumped into the cage via a pressure-wash sprayer.
Bon then made his way over to the Duck Pond, where children visiting the zoo looked on. Bon addressed the children by saying, "Who here has heard the story of the Ugly Duckling?" Several children eagerly raised their hands to answer. "I have! I have!", they shouted. One boy answered, "didn't he grow up to be a beautiful swan?" "No," Bon replied. "He was diagnosed as having the bird flu, and was put to death." Bon then whacked a goose on the head with a mallet, in front of the stunned children.
A local zoo-keeper approached Bon and questioned his tactics, raising the point that the bird flu seems to be primarily contained in Turkey and Romania, and parts of Asia. Bon assured the zoo keeper that one can never be too careful, nor is it wise to trust the wily and crafty bird, who will not hesitate to defecate on your patio and spread it's diseases wherever it can, and that we should remain vigilant even in America. Bon then smashed the zoo keeper's skull with his mallet and left.
Posted by Phil at October 19, 2005 8:27 PM
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Comments
I would highly recommend he visit the local golf courses for Canadian geese. I know for a fact they are carriers.
Washington Cube Was Here. #425
Posted by: Washington Cube at October 19, 2005 10:00 PM
Come up and get the geese along the Mount Vernon trail. Seriously.
Posted by: Siryn at October 20, 2005 12:28 AM
Nice work, Bon. Jolly good.
Posted by: Guvna at October 20, 2005 9:07 AM
That is no problem for Bon. He once ran over an old goose with his Ford F-150.
Posted by: Phil at October 20, 2005 9:09 AM
I guess the kagol performs the same function as the hairnet . . .
It was great of you all to make it out to dragonfly last night.
Posted by: A Unique Alias at October 20, 2005 11:07 AM
LMAO! What's next, wimmin with skinny ankles?
Posted by: CatCiao at October 20, 2005 11:47 AM
Actually, I can't figure out the point of the hairnet. You are killing the birds...are they worried they might get hair on the carcasses?
Posted by: Phil at October 20, 2005 12:42 PM
Bon had to leave the happy hour early for that exact reason. I'm feeling a little light-headed. Could it be bird flu, rather than a hangover?
Posted by: dc_cookie at October 20, 2005 1:26 PM
Could be, Cookie - we may have to put you down.
Cat - I think Tac would make an excellent muslim. I think his wife is fortunate she's allowed to drive a car.
Posted by: Phil at October 20, 2005 2:51 PM
I desire Playaz Wear. If at all possible, I wish to wear the picture of Bon, with a tear in his eye at the arrival of Kenny Rogers. You know the post and the picture, I'm sure. Blow that one up and slap it on a T-shirt, and sir, you will have my money.
Posted by: The Captain at October 20, 2005 3:49 PM
Done!
Posted by: Phil at October 20, 2005 9:14 PM
That was a moving moment Captain, and I was slightly caught off guard when Kenny came in the door bearing gifts.
And Phil, if you remember correctly, that flock of geese were running from me in my truck in a very threatening manner. I did what anyone would do when a dangerous species threatens.
Posted by: Bon at October 21, 2005 11:12 AM
You need to come to DC and start smashing all these stone eagles mounted everywhere -- you can't just get the birds, you have to get their symbols as well if you want to demoralize the enemy. (You guys are too funny) Darn, I just noticed that there's a bird on my paper currency.
Posted by: kob at October 21, 2005 12:59 PM
Yes Bon, we were all in tears at that moment.
KOB - Bon is not above killing a bald eagle, if it's called for. In fact, I think there is a post on our old site giving you a sample overview of what Bon has killed - haven't moved it yet.
Posted by: Phil at October 21, 2005 1:15 PM