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November 28, 2005
The day Don Knotts didn't die
Bon and I were talking the day before Thanksgiving, and Bon mentioned he was taking his kids to see the movie Chicken Little.
"Who's in that?" I asked.
"I'm not sure, but I heard Don Knotts is one of the voices," Bon replied.
"That can't be," I said. "Don Knotts is dead."
"What??!" Bon exclaimed. "He can't be dead!"
Tears filled Bon's eyes, and in a blinding rage, Bon shot up towards the heavens.
Determined not to let this comedic genius leave this Earth, not when he would have been so perfect for the role of Mayor Turkey Lurkey, Bon decided to use his super playa powers to travel back in time to prevent the premature demise of Don Knotts.
Suddenly, Bon heard a voice from the heavens. A ghostly image of Conway Twitty appeared before a distraught Bon.
"You should not use your powers to alter the world's history, Bon," Conway said. "It is forbidden!" his voice boomed.
Bon's grief overwhelmed him. Disregarding Conway's warning, Bon flew at super-speed around the Earth, and the immense frictional force created by Bon's speed caused the Earth to suddenly reverse it's rotation.
Successufully creating a time warp, Bon was able to reverse the course of the world's events back to a time before Don Knotts had perished.
Returning to Earth, Bon told me what he had done.
"Oh yeah," I said. "I was wrong about that. Don Knotts isn't dead at all."
Bon seemed quite pleased by this, and couldn't wait to see the hit movie, Chicken Little.
Posted by Phil at November 28, 2005 9:00 AM
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Comments
My friends and I love the Andy Griffith show and the denziens of Mayberry. I adored dithering Aunt Bee, and I loved the psychedelic stoneness of Floyd the Barber. It's good to know that Mr. Twitty is out there watching over us. ~~~I may never get to heaven, but I once came mighty close.~~
Posted by: Washington Cube at November 28, 2005 11:32 AM
Can you bring back Gilligan and Mr. Ed?
Posted by: Patrick J. Fitzgerald at November 28, 2005 11:35 AM
I think the part of this story that bothered me the most may be the fact that Bon has children. At what age do they learn to feed saegulls Alka-Seltzer?
Posted by: The Captain at November 28, 2005 12:40 PM
I got a deer head back from the taxidermist the other day, and my children were so matter-of-fact about it, it almost frightened me.
Posted by: Bon at November 28, 2005 1:26 PM
Holy crap! Don Knotts isn't dead?
The powers of the Playaz have definitely been abused in this of all instances. Please spin the earth forward until he redeceases.
Thank you.
Posted by: A_Unique_Alias at November 28, 2005 1:36 PM
I agree with you Unique, and obviously Conway's wisdom agreed with it as well. Bon was simply too overwhelmed to listen.
Fitz - I've never been a big fan of Bob Denver's work, and I just don't see Bon willing to bring any animal back to life, no matter it's level of celebrity.
Posted by: Phil at November 28, 2005 2:32 PM
What about Christopher Reeves? I think Bon swiped his technique of time reversal.
Posted by: Prince at November 28, 2005 2:50 PM
Hey, Phil.
Great freekin website. thanks for the comments on my blog. we should work together.
Posted by: Wayne at November 28, 2005 2:53 PM
Thanks - does your blog pay the same as mine ($0.00)?
Be careful with the use of the name "Wayne"...our Wayne may sue you.
Posted by: Phil at November 28, 2005 3:17 PM
To echo A Unique Alias, Don Knotts isn't dead?
So two things. One, being from NC, watching the Andy Griffith Show was mandatory, so I love me some Don Knotts. Two, Don Knotts is the OG when it comes to animated movie voiceovers. Recognize, fools! The Incredible Mr. Limpet!
Posted by: Sethro at November 28, 2005 3:27 PM
I'll never forget the time Bon took me to his arctic lair to demonstrate his work with crystals. It was there that I met the ghost of Conway, who complimented me on my Sonny James LP collection.
Posted by: Guvna at November 28, 2005 3:35 PM
That was a great "crossing over" experience Guvna. Conway is so wise.
Posted by: Bon at November 28, 2005 4:46 PM
Posted by: dunst at July 4, 2006 9:44 AM