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January 13, 2006

Tac, Wayne, & Guv'na alive! "How fare the Playaz?" they ask

What can only be described as a miracle, Tac, Wayne, & The Guv'na are discovered to be alive!

Descending to earth in a hot air balloon from lands unknown, the Playaz, long thought to be deceased, returned with wild tales and adventures.

Tac explained that while experimenting with mind-altering drugs one evening, a terrible storm came upon them. Swept up in extremely high winds, Tac explained that they were deposited into what seemed like another world.

Wayne, Guv'na, and Tac had been scattered by the winds and began to explore this unfamiliar territory.

Unbeknownst to them, this land was filled with bizarre creatures, both intriguing and horrifying. Tac described the likes of talking scarecrows, fields teeming with midgets, and winged monkeys.

Already on edge, Tac immediately began to lay waste to any living or breathing thing that came within firing range of him.

Tac said he wiped out a gang of misfits that included a grotesquely evolved lion who walked on it's hind feet, a man made entirely of tin, and the scarecrow. There was a pretty woman with them, but Tac did not have time to ascertain if she were in need of help or part of their hideous band.

Wayne, separated from the others, began investigating as well. Attempting to figure out the best way to reunite with the missing Playaz, Wayne discovered a path, and began to follow it. However, he noticed something curious. Upon further inspection, this "road" was coated in lead-based paint, highly toxic and deadly.

Wayne made haste for what appeared to be the capital city. After talking with several of the little people he encountered in the city, he found cause to file a class action suit against the one they called "The Wizard", who ran the city.

Suing for over $1 billion in damages, Wayne began his suit and his withering cross-examination against this "Wizard", who could not explain why the roads had not been properly treated, nor why there was any appropriate health care for those who needed it.

On the other side of the city, the Guv'na had met a trio of midgets, going by the name "The Lollipop Guild". Guv'na was seduced by these three, who told the Guv'na tales of "magic" candy canes. Having a weakness for this candied confection, Guv'na followed them on a journey to these magical canes.

Upon finding a field laden with the most glorious candy canes ever seen, the Guv'na began to taste them. They were delicious! However, these were no ordinary candy canes. They were laced with some narcotic that caused the Guv'na to lose consciousness. The band of midgets robbed Guv'na of his mink and gold pocket watch and left him for dead.

Tac realized the urgency of the situation. The Playaz did not need to tarry any longer in this strange place. After killing virtually everything in his path, Tac was able to locate Wayne, who had just won his suit against Emerald City, virtually crippling the town financially after collecting his fee of 99% of the one billion dollar judgement. Guv'na was discovered as well, but they weren't home free yet.

A horde of angry "munchkins" had tracked them down - upset that their town was now bankrupt, which essentially put all of them out of work. Being that the city was the only employer, they attempted to stop the Playaz' escape to make them pay.

Spotting a nearby bulldozer, Tac quickly cranked up the machine and cleared a path for the Playz' getaway, crushing the tiny bones of every munchkin caught in his tracks and plowing through them with ease.

Absconding a hot air balloon, the three Playaz flew out of danger, and made it back safely to us.

It is a great day for the Playaz. United again! Welcome back Tac, Wayne, & Guv'na. Did we tell you about our new plane?

Update: The national news is now picking up on the story.

Posted by Phil at January 13, 2006 9:08 AM