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January 31, 2006
State of the Playaz Address
Last night, we held our first ever State of the Playaz Address, at our historic Headquarters in the Isle of Palms, South Carolina. The Address was held in the Kenny Rogers Caucus Room, a very large auditorium used when we are addressing our constituency.
Of course you know our day-to-day operations are held in Atlanta, but if you've never been to our Headquarters in South Carolina, it is quite a treat. Aside from the massive Kenny Rogers Caucus Room is of course our Situation Room where we handle crises and military strategy sessions, The Hall of Playaz which is a marvelous gallery of statues and paintings of the Playaz, the Rotunda, and down below is the Crypt, where the corpse of Conway Twitty is currently stored.
While I simply don't have the room to provide the actual text of the 15,000 word, 4 hour speech, I am able to provide you with the highlights of this night, along with some photos provided by Rueters and the Associated Press.
The Speech:
The speech was strong. It showed the nation our strengths, and gave you the accomplishments we have made in the past year, which includes:
- Single handedly stemmed the increase in shark attacks and stamped out the bird flu.
- Boosted the country's space program with our involvement with NASA (with assistance from Chewbacca), which recently procured the discovery of Comet Dust, a great new narcotic substance.
- Entered new words into the English language.
- Our foreign policies have lowered oil prices, halted the nuclear weapons program in North Korea, and killed a nuisance whale.
- The Playaz turned Hurricane Irene back from the U.S. coast, allowing for a successful Playaz Ball 2005.
- The Playaz handled the questioning in the Supreme Court nominations, interviewing Supreme Court nominee John Roberts, the nomination of our own Wayne, and of course, Dian Parkinson.
- Saved the life of Don Knotts.
- We are vowing to make the Playaz invulnerable. I'm not referring to oil dependency, or to homeland security, or anything of that nature. I mean literally invulnerable. Like looking into some kind of titanium endo-skeleton and super-regenerative skin tissue. Something like that.
- The focal point of our speech, and what we are probably most proud of, is that during our fiscal year for 2005 we saw increased spending by 100%. The Playaz made a promise to spend every dime we earned during that year, and we can proudly say "Mission Accomplished". We also promise to you that in the upcoming year, The Year of the Playaz, we will raise revenues to go along with even more spending.
The photos:
After the Playaz' Sergeant-at-Arms announced us, we entered a packed room and a standing ovation. The photos below give you an overview of the night's events and attendees.
A live look at CNN's coverage of the address as Kenny enters the Caucus Room
Photo of me backstage rehearsing my speech one last time
"Ladies and gentlemen, the State of the Playaz Address"
The crowd reacts to my speech
There were several very special guests in attendance, many of whom were greeted with standing ovations when introduced by the Playaz
Phil points out Kathryn in the gallery and thanks her for her tireless efforts in bringing the blogging community together as well as her work on many Happy Hours. Kathryn is seen here shaking hands with Larry Holmes and receiving a standing ovation.
Wayne receives special recognition for his work this past year as Playaz counsel, who filed 212 frivolous lawsuits on the Playaz' behalf in 2005 alone.
Laughter and applause ensues when Letter To America host Jett Loe emerges from behind the podium with a 9mm pistol. More laughter ensues when he is removed by security and beaten senseless.
Once the speech is over, the Playaz exit the auditorium while being mobbed by admirers and well-wishers.
Atlanta media mogul Kemi Lane in the foreground (left) covers the Playaz on a daily basis. See her coverage of the SOTP address on her website.
It was a truly fantastic evening, and we thank you all for your attention and support. As we've said before, we fully expect The Year of the Playaz to be something special.
Now that the SOTP is over, I will be taking a vacation - a stop over at Camp David and then on to Telluride, Colorado. I will be back next Tuesday night. Have a safe week and I'll see you when I return.
Posted by Phil at January 31, 2006 1:07 AM
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Comments
I love it.
Yes, America can sleep easier tonight, because the Playaz are here for us.
God Bless the Playaz.
Posted by: Siryn at January 31, 2006 1:25 AM
I'm just happy that I managed to accessorize my mistletoe with my green suit.
Posted by: Rhinestone Cowgirl at January 31, 2006 8:03 AM
HAH! This is like "blogger where's waldo."
Posted by: A_Unique_Alias at January 31, 2006 9:01 AM
And God bless you, Siryn.
RC - Yes, I thought the mistletoe was a nice touch. I'm glad you kept it!
Posted by: Phil at January 31, 2006 9:19 AM
That can't be me. I wouldn't be caught dead in a salmon coloured suit.
It's been a hell of a year. I look forward to what the Playaz have in store in 2006.
Posted by: DC_Cookie at January 31, 2006 9:40 AM
I was so touched by your recognition of my efforts, Phil. Those feelings of joy will only be topped when I finally see the Playaz Jet touch down outside a future happy hour.
Play on, gentlemen.
PS for the ladies - Wayne is even hotter in person.
Posted by: Kathryn at January 31, 2006 9:59 AM
Bravo gentlemen! (And special thanks to Wayne for arranging a half-day prison fulough so I could attend.)
I think my favorite moment (aside from maybe the AUA/RCR smoking section) is Kathryn pinching Larry Holmes' butt right in front of Mayor Anthony Williams (who does a good job of looking away and pretending not to notice).
THE CAMERA SEES YOU KATHRYN!
Posted by: Travis at January 31, 2006 10:03 AM
You've worked tirelessly for The Playaz and the Nation this past year, Phil. You've earned a vacation.
P.S. Who ever would have guessed that the AUA photograph with the cigarette would crop up in EVERY story line? It's become a DC Bloggers' classic.
Posted by: Washington Cube at January 31, 2006 10:05 AM
Thank you Cube. Sorry we couldn't do better, Travis. The only way they would agree is to attach a "lo-jack" to your ankle. Ordinarily we would just muscle them into setting you free, but we are trying to raise our approval rating by appearing to be "tough on crime".
Your appearance was great for "sweeps" tv ratings, however.
Posted by: Phil at January 31, 2006 10:21 AM
Lovely speech Phil. The public beating of that Loe guy was a great touch as well.
And thanks for seating me next to the hot guy in uniform.
Posted by: Saidah at January 31, 2006 10:52 AM
I truly had a most splendid time! It was my first visit to South Carolina, and travelling on the Playaz Jet is the ultimate in comfort.
Posted by: Adam at January 31, 2006 11:08 AM
How embarrassing that you caught me at the exact moment that I was looking longingly at AUA.
Posted by: rock creek rambler at January 31, 2006 11:31 AM
ooohh sure you beat me down...but i'll return WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT...
Posted by: Jett Loe at January 31, 2006 11:31 AM
Nothing personal, Jett. I know you are disgruntled over the staring contest outcome...
RCR - I had just assumed you were happy to be breathing in second-hand smoke.
Posted by: Phil at January 31, 2006 12:05 PM
From the people:
Can we work on bringing Kenny's Chicken to the poor for this year? Perhaps this was talked about in the full address (alas, I missed it) but something's got to be done about America's sad lack of Rotisserie.
Posted by: Marci at January 31, 2006 12:31 PM
I LOVE it. Well done!
Posted by: dcsportschick at January 31, 2006 5:49 PM
Such an honor to be in the presence of greatness.
Posted by: Namaste at January 31, 2006 6:01 PM
I so enjoyed my trip to SC to see the remains of Mr. Twitty as well as to applaud the Playaz (even if I DID apparently think it was a big Christmas party).
Posted by: Law-Rah at January 31, 2006 7:11 PM
I looked amazingly dapper in that photo. I very much enjoyed the ceremony, and Travis made for good conversation during the intermission. What you don't notice in that photo is that not ten minutes previous, Travis was showing me how to protect myself with Squirrel-Fu, should I ever be incarcerated.
Posted by: The Captain at January 31, 2006 8:50 PM
I'm glad I sported my Sunday bestfor the occasion.
The Playaz do it again, you never cease to amaze me!
Posted by: Sharkbait at February 1, 2006 11:29 AM
This made my day. It was quite a succulent speech Playaz. I can assure you that I applauded between every bullet point and at every mention of Crisco or Larry Holmes. I also took a shot of whiskey every time "The Google" was mentioned in the emerging technology and world markets section of your speech. Thank you for the lovely visit to Isle of Palms (although I'm still puzzled as to why I'm wearing my black and white tweed fedora with a brown jacket. ohhh the horror. are the powder rooms down there ill-lit?).
Posted by: VP of Dior at February 1, 2006 4:24 PM
To the contrary, we thought the hat was very apropos, considering the event.
Posted by: Phil at February 1, 2006 4:33 PM
I AM SO EXCITED!
I am also late to comment. Doh!
That is some serious amazing work gentleman. Hats off to ya.
Phil: You're right, I gotta get to it before 9:30 am to catch a playa...
Posted by: AsianMistress at February 1, 2006 5:23 PM
God bless you for what you did for Mr. Knotts.
Posted by: Jinxy at February 1, 2006 9:41 PM
It does take a special person to cause a playa to summon his supernatural strength, and he is certainly that.
Here's wishing Phil a nice vacation. I hope the playa jet lands him safely in Colorado. Maybe, just maybe, the snow bunnies will be able to keep their hands off of him. Have a great trip Phil
Posted by: Bon at February 2, 2006 7:57 AM
You really outdone yourselves, Playaz! I, for one was honored to be in the presence of such brilliance.
Posted by: Chase at February 2, 2006 7:20 PM
I love this! I ddn't even know I attended the ball. Too much Percocet like you said from the back surgery. Boy, Is that Barak Obama with me?
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