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February 16, 2006
Bon finishes off 78 year old nuisance Harry Whittington
Bon finished off the job Vice President Dick Cheney could not by proffering a shotgun blast at close range to hospitalized lawyer Harry Whittington.
Whittington had been shot in the face by Vice President Cheney recently, but Cheney could not put an end to the life of a man who was despised by everyone who knew him.
"Cheney's method was faulty," Bon was quoted as saying shortly after he unloaded both barrells on an unsuspecting Whittington. "First, Cheney was only using a .28 gauge and was firing from at least 30 yards away," Bon said. "A sawed off .410 from 6 inches will do the job just fine," he added.
An embarrassed Cheney called the Playaz to admit that he could not kill this feeble old man and pleaded for our assistance.
Bon then concealed his sawed-off shotgun beneath a leather coat, entered Whittington's hospital room where Whittington was resting comfortably, approached Whittington, then proceeded to "close the deal", as Bon put it.
Cheney apologized Wednesday to the nation for not doing the job he had set out to do - to kill Harry Whittington. He offered no excuses, and put the blame entirely on himself.
Bon promised to offer shooting lessons to Cheney, so that this type of accident would never happen again.
A file photo shows Bon and Tac presenting a rifle to Vice President Cheney earlier this year
Posted by Phil at February 16, 2006 8:20 AM
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Comments
Don't you feel you should put a disclaimer on this that you don't REALLY want to kill Whittington?
Oh wait, I guess it's not like a threat to Cheney...
or is it?
Posted by: AsianMistress at February 16, 2006 8:17 AM
A little late for that AM.
Cheney is safe with us. In fact, Cheney is one of the better students of the Playaz Business Model.
Posted by: Phil at February 16, 2006 9:12 AM
Correct Phil. People would be shocked to know the cash that comes our way from Halliburton.
Posted by: Bon at February 16, 2006 9:21 AM
Good choice of weaponry Bon. I have a .410 double-barrel that I used to take squirrel hunting. Never tried shooting any lawyers with it, although perhaps I should have.
The only thing I would have done differently is that I might have given Whittington a good running start, as that is both more sportsman-like, and more amusing.
Posted by: Saidah at February 16, 2006 10:21 AM
I'm speachless...but only because the thing I want to say would invoke eschelon and a federal investigation.
Posted by: WOA at February 16, 2006 10:22 AM
Good shooting form, Bon.
Posted by: Washington Cube at February 16, 2006 10:42 AM
"My name is Bon. I am a cleaner."
Posted by: Travis at February 16, 2006 11:00 AM
All I can say is, I think I've found a new favorite blog...LOL
Posted by: Leon at February 16, 2006 11:05 AM
You held out until Thursday before the Dick Cheney post... now that's good restraint. I expected it much sooner.
But it was well worth the wait.
Posted by: Steve Skalish at February 16, 2006 11:15 AM
Steve,we wanted to keep it quiet...until Harry was dead (for his family's sake). This will be kept out of the media most likely, and the White House will continue to act as if he's still alive (again, for his family's sake).
That's why you should always check our site for news you won't read anywhere else (like the Armstrong/Crow split we told you about back in July).
And welcome, Leon. I'm not sure what you mean by "photoshop", but visit often!
Posted by: Phil at February 16, 2006 2:57 PM
Bon hunting lawyers must make Wayne and the ABA a bit nervous. He is good at what he does.
Posted by: Prince-The Purple One at February 16, 2006 3:51 PM
Bon would never shoot me, as I am the only thing standing between him and jailtime for breaking the Endandered Species Act, among other things. (Not that this is an admission of any kind.)
Posted by: Wayne at February 16, 2006 3:56 PM
Cheney apologizing and taking responsibility for something? Now that is funny!
Posted by: Chase at February 16, 2006 5:13 PM
Clearly Cheney is a liability to Kenny and Bon's. Bon needs to fire him, if for nothing else than increasing the cost of goods sold.
Posted by: DC_Cookie at February 17, 2006 2:22 PM
FYI - in the coming days you will see what appears to be a live, talking Harry Whittington. It is nothing more than a sophisticated muppet that the Playaz paid for and is designed by Jim Henson Productions.
Posted by: Phil at February 17, 2006 2:44 PM