Playaz Ball: I declare myself head of C.I.A.

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May 10, 2006

I declare myself head of C.I.A.

Tuesday I declared to President Bush that I would become the new head of the CIA.

After a phone call to the President, I convinced the White House to drop Gen. Michael Hayden as their choice and instead named myself to run the agency.

We gave President Bush and his staff a tour of our Threat Operations Center at our Headquarters in the Isle Of Palms, South Carolina.

Kenny Rogers shows President Bush all the latest in Playaz' technology

It is here that the Playaz handle situations that require our utmost attention, such as when Bon murders a celebrity, Tac attempts to smuggle comet dust inside a cat, or like this past winter when we covertly cancelled NBC sitcom Joey.

We are well equipped to handle any national crisis, as we have demonstrated time and time again.

I look forward to serving our country in this capacity. We have already been listening to your phone conversations, so we might as well do it in an "official" capacity.

Posted by Phil at May 10, 2006 8:25 AM

Comments

Thank god! Finally I can relax, knowing that our country's security is in good hands. Whew!!

You guys are such a trip! Thank you!!

Posted by: Anonymous at May 10, 2006 8:54 AM

Thank God you did what you did to that sitcom. I mean, I don't know what the worse harror was... seeing Adrianna from the Sopranos getting whacked, or seeing her having to act on "Joey".

Posted by: Steve Skalish at May 10, 2006 10:13 AM

It had to be done, Steve. Fortunately for Matt LeBlanc, we spared his life.

Posted by: Phil at May 10, 2006 10:16 AM

This is a huge milestone for the Playaz. I look forward to an improvement in our national security. I also feel somehow comforted knowing Kenny Rogers has our backs.

Phil, you look stunning in uniform.

Posted by: Buggy at May 10, 2006 11:27 AM

Thank you. I like my custom-made name tag.

Posted by: Phil at May 10, 2006 12:23 PM

A most joyous occassion, might I ask for an appointment to a cushy desk job here in Omaha trolling for neer-do-wells and other such persons?

Posted by: Adam at May 10, 2006 12:38 PM

Why do I suddenly get the feeling that a small percentage of my federal taxes will now be diverted directly into the "Playaz Business Model?"

Posted by: Throwing Hammers at May 10, 2006 12:52 PM

It won't be our taxes being diverted in the 'Playaz Business Model'...except, apparently, when we buy Coke products...

Posted by: WOA at May 10, 2006 2:45 PM

Everyone relax. Your tax dollars will be well spent customizing our undisclosed secure location. If we must protect you people, we will at least do it Playa style.

Posted by: Bon at May 10, 2006 3:14 PM

I've been wondering who to thank for the cancelation of Joey...although I'd have been just as happy if you had offed Matt LeBlanc. I swear, he hit his peak with the Red Shoe Diaries.

Posted by: Bad at Life at May 10, 2006 3:29 PM

Well in that case, would you consider awarding a government contract to the RCR Limousine Service? I promise, it will transport the Playaz in a style deserving of the Playaz.

(And of course, by Limousine I mean gambling and whores.)

Posted by: rock creek rambler at May 10, 2006 6:11 PM

Now that you've had "Joey" canceled, can you do something about "Teachers?"

Posted by: dcsportschick at May 10, 2006 8:44 PM

BAL - I tend to agree...but Tac liked his orangutan movie too damn much, and thus, spared his life.

RCR - Yes I like your proposal. Kenny and Larry would request you keep a stable of refined starlets who have recently passed their peak (as they will need money and more likely to heed their 'requests') like Markie Post or Tempest Bledsoe.

DCSC - Consider it gone by the Fall.

Posted by: Phil at May 10, 2006 9:20 PM

Markie Post has passed her peak? :-(

That aside, I'm glad to have Phil heading up the CIA . . . now can you do something about my g-damned firewall/filter at work so I can leave comments here? You've got the power to make changes!

Posted by: AUA at May 10, 2006 9:29 PM

Uh...I had the strangest dream....

Posted by: Washington Cube at May 11, 2006 9:57 AM

You also snore, Cube.

Posted by: Phil at May 11, 2006 10:20 AM

I almost wish I did, Phil, given my lifelong insomnia, but I did blog the dream. :)

Posted by: Washington Cube at May 11, 2006 11:04 AM

You thought that was a dream?

Posted by: Phil at May 11, 2006 11:09 AM

I just caught the list behind Kenny... Celebrities to kill... Dame Judy Dench... freakin classic!

Your attention to detail is what is amazing.

Posted by: Steve Skalish at May 11, 2006 3:49 PM

WOW! Why is Joey Lawrence a different color? Did you do it? Is he gone?!?!?!

Posted by: Law-Rah at May 12, 2006 12:26 PM

Have you heard anything from Joey Lawrence lately?

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May 10, 2006

I declare myself head of C.I.A.

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