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July 12, 2006

Bizarro Kenny

In what is a little-known fact, there is a menace that exists here on our Earth...a menace that has plagued and beleaguered the Playaz for many, many years. I am talking about Bizarro Kenny.

Bizarro Kenny is a grotesque imitation of Kenny Rogers, the world's greatest country singer and musician. Bizarro Kenny was formed from lifeless matter and takes on the physical features of Kenny, but is backwards in every way from the real Kenny. That imperfect and disturbing creation is Michael McDonald.

Brought into being by a duplicator ray created by the Doobie Brothers (well-known arch nemesis to Kenny Rogers and his rock group "First Edition"), Bizarro Kenny was created from the DNA of Kenny Rogers into human form.

Bizarro Kenny has a chalky, pale complexion and a misshapen face, unlike Kenny's own god-like appearance.

Bizarro Kenny lives in a bizarro world, where it is considered a good thing to make crappy music, or to sing in an obnoxious manner. He does things opposite of Kenny. For example, Bizarro Kenny often sings "MoTown" hits made popular by the likes of great singers such as Smokey Robinson, Ottis Redding, and Marvin Gaye despite Bizarro Kenny's incredible white-ness. Also, whereas Kenny Rogers will sing you the classic tune "Ruby", Bizarro Kenny will sing worn-out and incredibly cliched song "Ain't No Mountian High Enough".

Kenny Rogers and Bizarro Kenny have done battle many times, yet Kenny has been unable to permanently rid the world of Bizarro Kenny. The Playaz despise him as much as any musical artist.

Bizarro Kenny has often referred to himself as "the greatest singer of all" in his backward world, yet has been quoted as saying "Me don't belong in world of living people! Me don't know difference between right and wrong - good music and bad!"

Help us rid the world of Bizarro Kenny, won't you?

Posted by Phil at July 12, 2006 9:13 AM