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October 31, 2006
Problem solved
As I mentioned yesterday, I've been enjoying the serenity of nature up here at "Crystal Lake".
But these kids....do you find teenagers get more stupid and annoying as you get older? I can't go to the movie theater anymore without wanting to beat one of them senseless.
So my problem, you ask...how can you relax when kids are constatntly getting on your nerves with their inane antics and tomfoolery, arm-wrestling each other, constantly making out, and general disregard for their elders?
Well, I decided to murder them.
Yes, I killed each and every one here, with every manner of blade, saw, spear, pick-axe, hammer claw, or crow bar I could get my hands on. I even shish-ka-bobbed one couple while they were making love to one another, completely unaware to my presence in the nearby closet.
And as usual, I was wearing my favorite Atlanta Flames hockey mask I had gotten many years ago, and still wear to this day whenever watching the new Thrashers team (superstition I guess), which really seemed to spook people....you should have seen the looks on their faces right before I drove a machete through them!
I even tried to kill "Betsy"...a girl that I was quite fond of, actually, but I couldn't just go half-way with this thing...however, she got away with only some superficial lacerations.
One other strange thing - something else was out there...I couldn't figure it out, but some of the kids were already dead before I even had a chance to bust out of the pantry and jab an ice pick into their foreheads. As if, someone were helping me....it was an evil presence, I could detect that....something familiar, yet....Oh, well. No sense looking a gift horse in the mouth, as they say.
Oh, Betsy....what ever became of you?
Posted by Phil at October 31, 2006 9:27 PM
Comments
That does it. I'm canceling any and all trips to any lake anywhere.
Posted by: Wayne Ordinary American at November 1, 2006 2:47 AM