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December 14, 2006
Failure to comply with email-forwarding instructions now Number 1 cause of death*
Playaz' studies have shown that the American public's refusal to forward emails despite specific instructions to do so have resulted in fatalaties that are now the leading cause of death, overtaking lung cancer and heart disease.
Examples of the types of emails we are talking about can be found here, or, typically have a poem or story about "friends" with a message of hope or inspiration, with a disclaimer that unless forwarded instantly to a pre-determined number of people, certain death will befall you.
A while back, we received this email (with the instructions "Read alone (do not delete)" -- Note: DO NOT DISREGARD THESE INSTRUCTIONS EITHER, THEY ARE IMPORTANT):
Read Alone.....
Especially the Poem
I believe whatever is in store for us will be for us.
The poem is very true, unfortunately.
CASE 1: Kelly Sedey had one wish, for her boyfriend of three years, David Marsden, to propose to her.
Then one day when she went to lunch David proposed!
She accepted, but then had to leave because she had a meeting in 20 min.
When she got to her office, ! ! she noticed on her computer she had some e-mail's. She checked it, the usual stuff from her friends, but then she saw one that she had never gotten before. It was this poem. She simply deleted it without even reading all of it.
BIG MISTAKE! Later that evening, she received a phone call from the police It was about DAVID! He had been in an accident with an 18 wheeler. He didn't survive!
CASE 2: Take Katie Robinson She received this poem and being the believer that she was she sent it to a few of her friends but didn't have enough e-mail addresses to send out the full 5 that you must.
Three days later, Katie went to a masquerade ball.
Later that night when she left to get to her car, she was killed in that spot by a hit-and-run drunk driver.
CASE 3: Richard S. Willis sent this poem out within 45 minutes of reading it. Not even 4 hours later walking along the street to his new job interview with a really big company, ! when he ran into Cynthia Bell, his secret love for 5 years. Cynthia came up to him and told him of her passionate crush on him that she had had for 2 years.
Three days later, he proposed to her and they got married.
Cynthia and Richard are still married with three children, happy as ever!
This is the poem: Around the corner I have a friend, In this great city that has no end, Yet the days go by and weeks rush on, And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face, For life is a swift and terrible race, He knows I like him just as well, As in the days when I rang his bell. And he rang mine but we were younger then, And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes, And distance between us grows and grows. Around the corner, yet miles away, "Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend. Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love someone, tell them.
Don't be afraid to express yourself.
Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you. Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late. Seize the day. Never have regrets.
And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today.
You must send this on in 3 hours after reading the letter to 10 other people.
If you do this, you will receive unbelievably good luck.
*NOTE*
the more people that you send this to, the betterluck you will have.
Whew.....it's so true...Pretty scary, isn't it? This email alone has killed over 243,756 people because they deleted it. There are others out there just like it.
MY GOD, PEOPLE!! DON'T YOU WANT TO LIVE?? DO YOU WANT YOUR LOVED ONES TO LIVE?? What must we do to convince you, DO NOT DELETE THESE EMAILS!!
Bon himself deleted this email, then 10 minutes later overdosed on cocaine.
Fortunately, he survived, but only because Wayne was able to act quickly enough to forward the email to 35 people (enough to cause Bon to merely have his stomach pumped and require a small amount of rehabilitation).
*Based on the Playaz personal medical expertise and best guess
Posted by Phil at December 14, 2006 2:52 PM
Comments
This is comedic brilliance.
Posted by: Wharman at December 14, 2006 3:47 PM
My luck has been incredible with these. Why just last week, I provided my bank account number and home address to a poor, deposed former Nigerian monarch. He had a wealth of treasure, he did, and he was willing to share it all with me!!
Well let me tell you, these guys don't lie, not much anyway. My bank account may have been drained. I may have been visited three days later and beaten senseless by three men shouting a strange African language. But they left me five dollars for cab fare to the nearest hospital. It's almost as if they've adopted the Playaz Business Model.
Posted by: The Captain at December 14, 2006 5:05 PM
The good news is the deadly email scourge has minimalized the importance of overhyped causes of death, like heart disease, cancer, AIDS and comet dust overdose.
Posted by: Wayne at December 14, 2006 9:09 PM
After the hundreds of emails I neglected to forward (let alone read), it's a miracle I'm still alive and that I have any friends! Is it possible that the threats in the messages aren't true??? I am certain that by not clogging my friends' and family's inboxes with the uber-long chain e-mails, I have caused at least one child to die of cancer and I've robbed many an angel of its wings, etc.
Then again, I haven't been experiening the best of luck recently, so keep your eyes out for lots more forwarded emails from me....HA!
Posted by: Miss Penny Lane at December 15, 2006 2:27 AM
Miss Penny - you should thank your lucky stars -- the only explanation I can think of is you are one of these people who is just lucky in this regard...like the person who smokes all their life but lives to be 90.
But you are right in that you have probably caused the death of some sick young person who needed your help collecting bottle caps.
As for your current run of luck, I'd say forward this post to 24 of your friends, and Playaz will grant you your dream come true with our magic comet dust. Don't and you shall surely acquire Gangrene. (good to hear from you, Penny!)
Posted by: Phil at December 15, 2006 8:54 AM
Absolutely LMAO, wonderful. You should be training interns!
Posted by: namaste at December 16, 2006 8:11 PM
We could have an intern program, Namaste, provided the pay (to us) is right.
Posted by: Phil at December 16, 2006 10:28 PM
I will be much more careful about what I delete from my spam folder or basically ignore in my inbox. I had no idea I alone had such power to cause so many issues. Now I also know why things got so crazy for me a month ago...duh!!!
Posted by: restaurant gal at December 17, 2006 7:01 PM
So much so, that I think I accidentally deleted another one of your comments, RG!
Now I'm gonna die!!!
Posted by: Phil at December 17, 2006 8:40 PM
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