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January 13, 2007
Bon burns down Disney World
Bon outraged by "talking" bears before destroying Florida themepark; considered them "an affront to human decency"
Bon recently returned with his family from a trip to Orlando's Disney World, but not before burning the entire theme park to the ground.
Bon stated that he had taken his wife and children into one of the park's popular attractions the "Country Bear Jamboree", where Bon discovered what he considered a blasphemous horde of 'talking' and 'singing' bears.
Outraged by such a display that was clearly against nature, Bon destroyed the bears with multiple shotgun blasts before screaming children.
Bon then made haste to set the park ablaze.
"I could only imagine what other evil lay within this park, so I am certain I did the right thing. I had heard rumors of a "Haunted Mansion" and the reanimation of our deceased Presidents, plus a toad that purportedly could drive a car, though not very well. The toad must have been enchanted, by some witch I can only assume, in order to have the cognizant skill to drive a vehicle. There was only one thing I could do, and that was to destroy what this evil genius Walt Disney had created," Bon said.
Posted by Phil at January 13, 2007 10:43 PM
Comments
All I can say is Thank You. Thank You, Bon. It's clear that the singing bears are part of a larger plot.
Posted by: kob at January 14, 2007 9:53 AM
If you burn down the Pirates of the Caribbean, we are going to have ourselves a serious disagreement...
Posted by: Hammer at January 14, 2007 12:33 PM
Hammer - you mean with you, or Jerry Bruckheimer?
Posted by: Phil at January 14, 2007 1:33 PM
I fully endorse Bon's blaze of glory, I only he hope he salvaged a few talking bear carcasses for consumption. That would almost top my endangered species eating list.
Posted by: The Captain at January 14, 2007 3:37 PM
You might be able to intimidate Hammer, but neither I nor any of my franchises are to be trifled with, Phil. Mess with me and I guarantee that the Playaz Mansion will go up in the mother of all fireballs. In fact, there will be so many bullets and explosions, you'll think you're blogging in Fallujah.
In summary, don't f**k with the Bruck!!!
Posted by: Jerry Bruckheimer at January 14, 2007 7:39 PM
Don't worry, we'll leave the Kangaroo Jack franchise in tact for you, Jerry....
Posted by: Phil at January 15, 2007 8:46 AM
Next time can Bon give us a little notice? I think one of my friends was there that week.
Posted by: Sweet at January 15, 2007 4:05 PM
(glances up and peers over reading glasses at Sweet)
::shaking head, slowly::
Posted by: Phil at January 15, 2007 4:19 PM
I presume to serve them at Kenny and Bon's?
Posted by: DC_Cookie at January 16, 2007 11:43 AM
Ultimately yes. Primarily though Bon felt the need to eradicate the black magic that is inherent in all the Disney animals and characters.
Posted by: Phil at January 16, 2007 12:12 PM
Did Epcot burn too?
Posted by: Rev Smokin Steve at January 16, 2007 5:52 PM
You know, Jesus was ridiculed when he set fire to the Gallilee, but history recalls him fondly. Why must you all view so harshly that which needs be done?
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