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March 28, 2007
Reconciled with my Good Friend
edited 3-30-07
I was feeling a little bad about the way I left things with my good friend Barrister David Lauire. I truly did want to make this work. So, I sent him another email.
But before I get to that, if you'd like to catch up, please read:
Yesterday, I sent the following:
From: Phil Braun
To: David Lauire
Date: Mar 27, 2007
OK - I was a bit nervous before to be quite honest.
I do want to make this transaction, I am just not sure who I am dealing with even though you did send me a photo of your reputable family.
I would like to communicate with you directly.
Phil
The good Barrister then replied...
From: David Lauire
To: Phil Braun
Subject: PLEASE READ YOUR BIBLE (AMOS 3:3) AND GET BACK
Date: Mar 28, 2007
DEAR FRIEND,
I ACKNOWLEDGE RECEIPT OF YOUR MAIL AND THE CONTENT IS WELL NOTED.
FIRSTLY I WILL LIKE YOU TO SEE ATTACHED FILES BELOW SO THAT YOU CAN KNOW THE PERSON YOU ARE DEALING WITH.
SECONDLY THE BANK HAVE GIVEN US FOUR DAYS TO PRESENT THOSE PAPER TO PROOF OUR CLAIM YOU BEEN THE RIGHTFUL NEXT OF KIN TO MY LATE CLIENT.
SIR, ASKED YOU ONCE AGAIN CAN YOU ASSIST WITH US$450 BECAUSE I CAN BE ABLE TO COMPLETE ALL THE BALANCE IF YOU CAN ASSIST BY SENDING THE US$450 SO THAT I CAN PROCEED TO THE FEDERAL HIGH OF JUSTICE HERE IN NIGERIA TO SECURE AND SWEAR AN AFFIDAVIT ON YOUR BEHALF WITH YOUR NAME THAT SHOW TO THE BANK THAT YOU ARE THE RIGHTFUL BENEFACTOR OF MY LATE CLIENT.
HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU WITH DETAILS INFORMATIONS AND A NUMBER I CAN REACH EASILY.
I TRY TO CALL THE NUMBER YOU GAVE TO ME BUT TO MY GREATEST SURPRISE IT ALWAY WENT INTO ANSWERING MACHINE, PLEASE IF YOU WANT TO GET A DIRECT COMMUNICATION WITH ME PLEASE FOR GOD SAKE SEND TO ME A GOOD NUMBER I CAN USE TO REACH YOU OR CALL ME ON MY OFFICE NUMBER BELOW.
+2348051406702
THANKS,
BARRISTER DAVID LAUIRE
And look! He attached his "Bar Certificate":
The Citizens Bank has also sent me a friendly "reminder":
Attention: Mr. Phil Braun,
The Above bank is sending you are reminding mail about the transfer of your fund.
Do get back to us with the requested documents so that our Transfer Unit can effect a Swift transfer of your fund before we go for vacation.
Your urgent attention is needed before 3rd, April, 2007.
Best Regards,
Mrs. Grace Chris
Executive Director Citizens International Bank
From: Phil Braun
To: David Lauire
Date: Mar 28, 2007
Dear Friend Barrister,
I am very impressed with your knowledge of the Bible.
You have brought up a point, however, that I must add before we proceed, and that is I do not do business with uncircumcised men (considered "unclean" in my culture). (I Samuel 18:25-27)
Please let me know your status before we proceed.
All My Best,
Phil
Just Added: Ever wonder what a Death Certificate looks like from one of these guys? Here is one that Bon received while communicating with a gentleman named "Eddy Smithint" - I think the "comic sans" font where it reads "Certificate of Death" lets you know it is authentic.
Posted by Phil at March 28, 2007 3:15 PM
Comments
"The Nigerian Law School". That settles it. Complete this transaction now!!!
Posted by: Bon at March 28, 2007 3:30 PM
Hold on, Bon. The Barrister must confirm his status with me first...
Posted by: Phil at March 28, 2007 3:33 PM
No, no, no! He is a graduate of the Nigerian Law School. As a graduate of the illustrious class of 1988, he comes from one of their finest "vintages" as it were. Not only that, but he graduated on THE FOURTH OF JULY.
It doesn't get any more American than that. Anyone with those sort of credentials (and many years of experience) must surely also have had the requisite genital mutilation.
Posted by: AUA at March 28, 2007 4:25 PM
You should also ask if he's ever done business in Spain . . .
http://an.kaist.ac.kr/courses/2005/cs441/mailing_archive/msg00453.html
Posted by: AUA at March 28, 2007 4:30 PM
Phil, I cannot believe you went there! Wait...yes I can.
Posted by: Law-Rah at March 28, 2007 7:42 PM
When it gets right down to it, aren't we all a little curious? I look forward to the Barrister's reply (and for his sake, I hope he's "clean").
Posted by: Phil at March 28, 2007 9:23 PM
If we're lucky, he'll attach a photo.
Posted by: Guvna at March 28, 2007 11:01 PM
Nigerian Law School
Ozumba Mbadiwe Street. Victoria Island
P.M.B. 12610
LagosTelephone: 613306, 618103, 613031, 613082, 613296, 613309
Dr Kole Abayomi
I wonder if Mr David knows Uncle Kole?
Or Uncles Rudd, Olakunle, Sofolahan, or the legendry Babatunde Ibironke?!?
The first Director of the Nigerian Law School was an Englishman, Mr. G. Rudd who served from 1962 - 1967 . He was followed in succession by Dr. Olakunle Orojo from 1968 - 1976, Mr. Justice J.O. Sofolahan from 1976 - 1978 and the legendry Babatunde Ibironke. SAN who served from 1979 - 1993 . Mr Ibironke was succeeded by Chief John Kayode Jegede SAN who headed the Nigeria Law School with the new title of Director-General. Chief Dr. Kole Abayomi, SAN became DG after Chief J.K. Jegede and ran the Law School from October 2004 to November 2005. Dr Maman Tahir succeeded Chief Dr. Kole Abayomi, SAN as DG
Posted by: paully at March 28, 2007 11:59 PM
Paully is right. The law school is a real place.
No reply yet from the good Barrister. I suspect he is hastily circumcising himself before he responds back to me.
Posted by: Phil at March 29, 2007 8:42 AM
That was amazing. I was lol-ing at my desk like a crazy person. Please keep in touch with your dear friend. I'm dying to know if he's cut.
Posted by: MM at March 29, 2007 11:01 AM
Wow, he really is your good friend! I am so happy for you!
Posted by: restaurant gal at March 29, 2007 8:18 PM