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May 10, 2007
Why is it so hard to deal with Nigerians?
Edited 9:30 p.m. - see bottom of post.
I don't understand. For every offer of inherited riches, laundered money, etc. that I receive, I find it puzzling as to why none of these people are willing to follow through with their generous offers. Perhaps I have finally found someone.
I recently received an offering of "Gold Dust" from a Mr. Sheriff Ahmed. I was extremely excited, as you would imagine, but I had some questions that needed to be answered first.
Mr. Sheriff kindly offered me "260 KGS of Alluvial Gold Dust" (in Ghana) for the low, low price of $13,800, subject to an "agreement signed by both parties". I replied:
To: Rigo Ghana Limited
From: Phil Braun
Can you get high off of it?
We discovered 'comet dust' (you may have heard) - and it is fantastic.
From: Rigo Ghana Limited
To: Phil Braun
Dear Phil Braun,
Thanks for your timely response and welcome from the workers holiday.The gold dust picture you discovered in my mail is exactly the nature of the product in offre for sale.
We are just a small local mining company that is supplying to the(PMMC)Government because they issued the certificate of this mining company to us but we have realized that after we have sold to them,they will now resell to forieners at world market price and make more money,so therefore upon this discovery our organization have decide to get the foreign customer to sell our product(gold) and established a long-term partnership with well interested ones as our price is o.k.
Your request of getting high off of the price is qualified to be considered based on the quatity you are willing to afford.
In respect of your good sound mail,kindly indicate how much is your is your maximum interest as you respond to this mail to enable us to send you the details with the Full Cooperate Offer(FCO) and memorandum of understanding.
In your response,importantly include all your contact details.
I await your response at the earliest.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
To: Rigo Ghana Limited
From: Phil Braun
So the more I buy, the higher I can get off of it? I am referring to useage of gold dust as a narcotic.
From: Rigo Ghana Limited
To: Phil Braun
Subject: Kindly Break the Explanation
Dear Phil Braun,
One thing you have to know is that when ever our organization want to establishe partnership/customer,the cost of the product(gold) become less to enable us to be getting our product steady to our customer for immediate sale and send the money to the account that will be given to him from the sellers side.
Kindly break the explanation of this your sentence to more of my understanding:( I am referring to useage of gold dust as a narcotic).
Upon your response to this mail,more informations will be given to you in detail.
I await your response at the earliest.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
To: Rigo Ghana Limited
From: Phil Braun
Mr. Sheriff -
Hopefully this will explain: when you said "gold dust", I became very excited.
See, we discovered "comet dust" - dust from the trail of a comet in space - and further discovered you can get "high" off of it.
It has great curing powers too - we cured Wilford Brimley of diabetes with comet dust (though we inadvertently (mistake) killed Don Knotts with comet dust, too).
So what I mean is, does "gold dust" have similar qualities to "comet dust"?
This link may explain comet dust further http://www.playazball.com/archives/001629.html
I look forward to your swift reply, Mr. Sheriff.
Phil
From: Rigo Ghana Limited
To: Phil Braun
Subject: IS OUR INTEREST TO KNOW THE QUANTITY YOU WILL BUY
Dear Phil,
SORRY FOR THE LITTLE DELAY IN COMMUNICATION AS YOU ARE WAITING FOR MY SWIFT REPLY and welcome from the weekend,in continuation of this dust transaction we will be glad to know the quantity you are willing to buy to enable us to send you the Full Cooperate Offer(FCO) AND THE MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING INCLUDING THE SELLERS AND BUYERS AGGREEMENT TO BE SIGNED BY YOU.
Kindly notify us the position of your occupation for it is important as the modules of our operation requires to enable us to commence the progress of the dust procedure immediately.
Upon your notification of the quantity you are willing to afford will help us to work out the low cost price for you.
I await your response at the earliest.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
To: Rigo Ghana Limited
From: Phil Braun
Mr. Sheriff,
Thank you for your response. I will grant you the information that you seek.
My occupation is "Playa": I am a Gentleman of Leisure. This should enable you to allow your modules to commence the progress of me getting high as a kite off of your Gold dust.
I am willing for you to afford me as much dust as you have in your possession. Please mail it to me at your earliest convenience.
Phil P. Braun
To: Phil Braun
From: Rigo Ghana Limited
Dear Phil,Thanks for your prompt response,i will attend and respond to you as a good customer to become hence you have indicated your maximum interest to afford as much dust as we have in our organization possession.
Please keep checking your mail box as it will take me some moment to work out the price and send to you through email attachment.To be therein are FULL COOPERATE OFFER (FCO),MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING(MEMO) AND SELLERS AND BUYERS AGREEMENT FOR YOU TO SIGN THE RELEVANT PARTS OF THE DUST DOCUMENT PROVES AND SEND BACK TO US IMMEDIATELY TO ENABLE US TO COMMENCE ON THE DUST FOR DELIVERY.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
I cannot wait for the Dust.
--------------------------
Hold on. What is this man trying to pull!? I just received the following email:
To: Phil Braun
From: Rigo Ghana Limited
Dear Phil,
Am very sorry the way put the name only(dust) instead of the comet dust in detail.Please don't misunderstand me,i hereby to quote the product exactly by the full name(COMET DUST)in respect of on ward transaction of this product(COMET DUST).
Am aproaching to conclude to work out the price high of it before this your list mail,surely tomorrow you will receive it with other following documents backing the entire sale/transaction of the product.
In your response, please include your full contact details direct telephone and fax numbers, your complete physical house address.This is very important.
Your earliest response would be appreciated. Upon your response to this mail, it will enable me to send to you tomorrow he price high of it and other relevant documents backing the sale of the product.Your reply with all the requests will add to fetch both of us a good customer and long-term partnership of the product(COMET DUST).
I await your swift response.
PLEASE KINDLY FOLLOW THE STEPS AND INSTRUCTIONS ABOVE ON HOW TO PROCEED.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff .
He is trying to sell us....COMET DUST....?...WE DISCOVERED COMET DUST!!!!!1!
I am debating about how to respond. I need some 'cooling down' time...
Posted by Phil at May 10, 2007 9:31 PM
Comments
Hmm. I don't know if these Nigerian gentlemen understand the nature of comet dust. Despite the link, it seems they still want to provide it to you for . . . ick . . . RESALE. Everyone knows that the first rule of working in the narcotics trade is that you always get high off of your own supply.
Posted by: AUA at May 10, 2007 7:55 PM
Ain't nothing for me to go meet this fraud in Ghana and whip his ass. Has he stolen some of our stash!?
Posted by: Bon at May 11, 2007 6:41 AM
You have to give Mr. Sheriff credit. He may have stumbled on a way to extend the Playaz Business Model. We all know the rules of the current model. What Mr. Sheriff is proposing is quite brilliant: offer to sell a party its own goods.
For example, you might call 1-800 Contacts and say, "I see that you sell contact lenses. I understand you have $1M worth of inventory in your warehouse. I would like to sell you that inventory for $1M. Here is my account number. Please deposit the funds post haste." I will explore this further and report back.
Posted by: Guvna at May 11, 2007 7:28 AM
AUA - what about resale of someone else's product??!
Bon - we will discuss at lunch today.
Guv'na - you are correct. This man is apparently a genius. I am still steaming mad about this.
I still cannot believe what has transpired here. He is pulling the "bait-and-switch" - with OUR OWN STUFF!!
Posted by: Phil at May 11, 2007 9:07 AM
Ghanaian Playaz?
Could these be African Gentlemen of Leisure?
Why not tempt them by offering them Gold dust in exchange for the Comet dust, thereby drawing them out into the open wherein they can be shot or tortured at your leisure.
Posted by: Brianf at May 11, 2007 11:42 AM
Brian - I think you are on to something.
I just got back from lunch with Bon & The Guv'na. This man is obviously some kind of financial wizard (selling us our own supply?).
I think we have no choice but to offer this man a position with us.
Posted by: Phil at May 11, 2007 1:29 PM
Proceed with caution, gentlemen. I fear this may actually be Alan Greenspan or Warren Buffett messing with you using a false email account. I mean now that Alan's retired and Warren's about to, what else do they have to do all day?
Posted by: Hammer at May 11, 2007 2:39 PM
It is of no concern to me, Hammer.
I mean, I keep going back to Guv'na's comment. He has executed our own model perfectly.
I must attempt to bring this man into the Playa Fold.
I have sent him an offer and will let you know when he replies.
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