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June 11, 2007
'Next tomorrow' has finally arrived
Finally, we have received word from our prospective employee, Mr. Sheriff. He has a few questions, it seems.
To catch some of you up on the story, you may click on these links to follow along:
Present Day
I received this email from Mr. Sheriff after review of our contract:
To: Phil Braun
From: Sheriff Ahmed
Subject: I STILL ASK FOR YOUR COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING
Dear Phil,
Am writing in readiness to do business with you. It takes me these days and time to achieve a meaningful conclusion with my lawyer regarding the contents of the employment agreement that you sent to me.
As a matter of fact to work with your organization for business, I will appreciate you to understand me in the area of negotiating some of your conditions which will balance us in dealing business together as the agreement contains for life under the playaz.
As to exhibit focused purposes for you, I don't need to be in rush o.k. Give me your time as we must definitely achieve your heart-desires.
As you may know am an African with no too much knowledge like you.
1) Kindly explain to my understanding the nature and type of your business/PLAYAZ.
2) As your term for life agreement, how much is you're signing fees?
3) Why do you prefer the life agreement?
4) What is your employment benefit for services under this agreement to enable my mind up making?
5) What will be my job position in your company and the department to manage?
6) How much will you pay me according to my valuable knowledge and experience which is qualified to suit your company?
7) What as my job to earn enough money for myself and to pay the company the base salary of $150,000,00 per annum
8) In a week how many days do I have to work?
9) As necessary and job required I know that I will devote attention and energies to the business of the company but upon working with you ,is part time leave and e.g. attracted to me in which to communicate and attend important affairs and my family.
10) I can understand that contacting customers to transact business with our company PLAYAZ is part of my job roll.
Kindly answer and clarify me on the above stated to enable me to have firm grounds regarding signing of the agreement in addition with your requirements.
Upon the positive response and clarification from you, I will provide you with your requirements. I await your swift response.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
NOTICE:THIS IS THE MOMENT OF SURE, ACCURATE AND NO RUSH.
I have attempted to address Mr. Sheriff's inquiries as best I can in a timely manner.
1) Kindly explain to my understanding the nature and type of your business/PLAYAZ.
We are a conglomerate consisting of five (5) mustachioed individuals...Gentlemen of Leisure, if you will...our Business is just that: Business....you may best understand by viewing our business model which someday we will present to you on a top of the line overhead projector. Essentially when someone wants to transact business they will pay us a hefty fee. Then we blow that money on airplanes, gold toilets, finely woven turtlenecks, etc. Then repeat the process.
2) As your term for life agreement, how much is you're signing fees?
We would like to pay you $80,000.00. We would like to.
3) Why do you prefer the life agreement?
We feel that any employee worthy of our consideration must shun the things in his previous life, and totally dedicate himself to the Playaz. Why would you want anything less?
4) What is your employment benefit for services under this agreement to enable my mind up making?
To ensure the mind making, we wish to assure you that your benefit will be lifelong association with the most well known organization on the planet. Walk into any business and say "I am with the Playaz! They demand your attention and your money! Your need is our supply!" You will find endless riches will then fall at your feet.
5) What will be my job position in your company and the department to manage?
You will head up our Comet Dust Division, and other general business.
6) How much will you pay me according to my valuable knowledge and experience which is qualified to suit your company?
Your salary is limitless. Once we have attained your knowledge and experience, your association with us will generate you riches beyond your wildest dreams. You will not receive a 'salary' from Playaz, Inc.
7) What as my job to earn enough money for myself and to pay the company the base salary of $150,000,00 per annum
Your want is our desire to have the resources to pay us (the company) the base salary required. You will have that. The earnings is your reward. Which will fullfill our supply.
8) In a week how many days do I have to work?
8
9) As necessary and job required I know that I will devote attention and energies to the business of the company but upon working with you ,is part time leave and e.g. attracted to me in which to communicate and attend important affairs and my family.
You will be allowed communication with your family only upon express written permission received from Larry Holmes.
10) I can understand that contacting customers to transact business with our company PLAYAZ is part of my job roll.
Excellent.
Posted by Phil at June 11, 2007 9:45 AM
Comments
The Playaz are going to Hell.
An opulent, relaxing, finely adorned Hell decorated by the fruits of other's labors- but Hell nonetheless.
You are a collective body of geniuses (geni?) and I am forever at your service!
(BTW. How much, exactly IS $150,000,00? Where'd the other zero go?)
Posted by: Wayne Ordinary American at June 11, 2007 2:03 PM
"We would like to" is correct
Posted by: Bon at June 11, 2007 3:16 PM
Right, Bon. Except that we won't. (I hope that is made clear to Mr. Sheriff)
Posted by: Phil at June 11, 2007 3:48 PM
re: "...with no too much knowledge like you."
Did he just call you stupid?
Posted by: Law-Rah at June 11, 2007 11:28 PM
"You will be allowed communication with your family only upon express written permission received from Larry Holmes."
sold...
Posted by: Pop Cultured at June 12, 2007 10:47 AM