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August 30, 2007

I'm not sure where to start.

As I type this, I feel weak. The mind wanders. The turtleneck does not fit as snugly as it once did, revealing the manly brawn of my physique. I have survived these maladies before....Am I beaten?

Let me back up.

Playaz Ball 2007....Wayne was sent to Ghana to settle the situation with Mr. Sheriff once and for all. Mysteriously, Wayne went missing. Had he fallen into the clutches of Mr. Mike Teigaga? Been lingering in an opium den? Fallen for a native lass and settled on a farm raising hyenas?

Dear Phil,

Listen and listen properly, don't behave shizzy in regarding the arrival of your delegates. As you know I run things and things never run me, however I have call your business a speedy attention and you slack behind, he who fight and run away will live to fight another, however is a shame seeing you kidding and with characteristic of childish plays.

You are afraid to become a Financial Dada, so therefore you will remain the same in your state of finance; no addition and increase of cash that so called PLAYAZ INC.

Your habitual character has pissed me off your line; however continue at work and in meeting down here with Mr. Mike Teigaga and his associates. I stand strong to tell you any thing mike and his associates can do I must do it the best to your admirable, loveable and choose able.

I await your swift and speedy mail reply to enable me and you to conclude for no further as you wish.

Best Regards,

Mr. Sheriff.

Wayne apparently did not make his connection with Mr. Sheriff.

He could have faked his own death, which the Playaz are often want to do - but Wayne surely would have alerted me to this in order to collect the insurance money prior to his plan. No, something else is a-miss.

Upon the realization of this we had to rescue Wayne. But we had a problem. We spent all of our money on Playaz Ball.

Oh, Why did Bon insist on purchasing the more expensive 'Benjamin Moore' paints for Huff Night?! Did Larry Holmes really need a $20,000.00 per diem? But this is how the Playaz roll.

Now, no fuel for the jet to bring Wayne back, wherever he is.

After scouring the countryside, I needed sustenance. Finally spotting a 'Kenny & Bon's', I found my need was their supply (that and of course the Playaz always eat free at Kenny & Bon's). I mistakenly ordered the "diet" platter of K&B roast goose, which comes with a side of tapeworms. Now, 1 month later, I am an emaciated version of my former self - weakened by these parasites. I look ridiculous with only 1 chin!!

Fortunately, I secured a position with the world-renowned "Bank of Africa" (the official bank of the entire continent). I noticed they have lots of money sitting around in their various "accounts" that rarely ever go anywhere. So I figured they are fair game. I only need find someone to laund- I mean, - to graciously accept my gifts in exchange to transfer the money through their own account, return it to me in exchange they will receive a small bonus (before they pay me a Transaction Fee). This money is likely in the account of someone dead, or dying, of which I am their likely orphan and/or you are their distant relative. All of it is true, I tell you.

So until I figure a way out of this mess, and regain my health and strength, I am afraid I may be on a bit of a "break" from giving you the Playa-news you so desire.

But do not be dismayed. I will be back, and back soon. Keep reading the news. You will see us, still working diligently. When you read a headline that says "man strangles raccoon with bare hands", or, "diaper wearing astronaut to plead insanity", you'll know who is behind those stories.

Posted by Phil at August 30, 2007 6:00 PM