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May 19, 2008
Wayne's tips to a beginning a successful work day
Morning checklist:
1. Load .38 snub-nose. You never know when you might face a disgruntled client. Also good for persuading opposition to "settle" the case.
2. Money clip. $100 denominations or higher. Cash is good for those times when credit cards are not accepted. Such as, for bribes, or narcotics.
3. Walking Cane. Can also be used as a weapon. A cape is also a stylish touch.
4. Jaques Lemans "Bob Guccione Edition" wristwatch. (Precise time-keeping, plus, water resistant for sub-aquatic love making sessions up to 100m)
5. Pinky rings. Dazzle everyone in the room when these babies are flashed as you are notarizing documents that will ultimately donate Gary Coleman's body to science.
Posted by Phil at May 19, 2008 8:00 AM
Comments
Do you keep the revolver tucked into your sock?
Posted by: Matt Boyd at May 19, 2008 9:00 AM
Good question, Matt.
There have been many times I've seen Wayne laid out on a conference room table, tearing out a knife that was taped to his city boots during deposition, but I'm not sure where the revolver stays hidden.
Posted by: Phil at May 19, 2008 10:19 AM
I see. Well there's certainly no need for both a boot-knife and a boot-gun, so he probably keeps in concealed in a vest pocket.
I would imagine that after deposition stabbery occurs, he is known to shout "You've just been deposed!"
Posted by: Matt Boyd at May 19, 2008 12:32 PM
Possible - but then again, after he's used the knife, people would least expect him to pull a gun from there as well. Because they'd be thinking "he just pulled a knife from his boot - no way is there anything else down there," and then "BOOM", a gun comes from the other boot.
Posted by: Phil at May 19, 2008 12:42 PM
"Client better have my money! Not half, not some, but ALL my cash!"
Posted by: Hammer at May 19, 2008 4:13 PM
I got an "A" in law school in "Winning Legal Strategies: How To Pursuade With Weapons, Bling and Benjamins" and "The Effective Deposition: How To Conceal Instruments Of Violence For Maximum Surprise".
I received an Incomplete in "Ethics and Professionalism". Bon and Tac pursuaded the professor this was a bad idea.
Posted by: Wayne at May 19, 2008 4:15 PM
After all, isn't "surprise" the most important element in every deposition, Wayne? And what better surprise than a violent surprise?
I mean, when the testimony isn't exactly going in your favor, some surprise threat against the deponent usually gets them to change their tune really quick (along with the element of evacuating their bowels, it really throws off their ability to remain calm and collected and they will generally say anything to get out there in a hurry).
Posted by: Phil at May 19, 2008 4:22 PM
"Bang your gavel, Judge"
BAM
Posted by: Guvna at May 19, 2008 4:23 PM
Phil, you are right. When used correctly, surprise often wins the day. Plus, it helps avoid those pesky objections. Most attorneys don't know how to properly object to a sharp instrument against their client's throat or gun play.
Guvna, as you know that is my copyrighted closing argument. It pursuades the Judge every time.
Posted by: Wayne at May 19, 2008 4:51 PM
What about the use of Ricin, Anthrax or Zyklon-B? We learned about them in the course, "Courtroom procedures and the use of violence. A look into the ethics of the legal profession, 201"
Posted by: Adolf Pol-pot at May 20, 2008 9:19 AM
Too much risk of collateral damage. I have no interest in harming myself.
Posted by: Wayne at May 20, 2008 12:54 PM
Was this the law school where Iceberg Slim was one of your professors?
Posted by: Washington Cube at May 20, 2008 1:52 PM
I have heard Wayne talk glowingly about 'Professor' Slim
Posted by: Phil at May 20, 2008 2:06 PM