Plot spoiler, please? What happens to Santa?

He is whipped to death.

Heart attacks and defecation reminds me very much of Smell-O-Vision, or Odorama where John Waters had scratch n' sniff cards for Pink Flamingos. Have the theatre seats wired to send a jolt through the seats, like William Castle's "The Tingler."

I dunno, Phil. With all of that phallic fleshy pink vine/vein pillared imagery, the yacht cap and whip, the "O" opened mouth: that's a pretty Y-M-C-A poster ya got going, if you know what I mean.

I'll pretend you didn't say that Cube. The last thing the Playaz could be considered is 'gay', with our mustaches and turtlenecks, etc. How much more manly can we get??

As for 'Smell-O-Vision', I remember that and the Playaz have tried similar tactics - we adopted "the tingler" as a way to distract patrons from realizing there was a midget underneath their seat rifling through their pockets for money & loose change while they were being "zapped".

"You call him Doctor Phil!"

Favorite line from the film:

"Who eats the cookies now, old man?? WHO EATS THE COOKIES NOW?"

For nearly three thousand years man has been searching for Santa Claus. He's not something to be taken lightly. No one knows his secrets. He's like nothing you've ever gone after before.

Lots of great lines in this one.

Dian: Phil, why does the floor move?
Phil: Give me your torch.
[Dian does, and Phil drops it in the Santa's Well of Evil]
Phil: Elves. Why'd it have to be elves?

There's going to be a nude scene right? (Want to see Phil not Santa please)

Indeed...

[cut to scene of Phil aiming rocket launcher at Santa's sleigh]

Santa: Phil, surely you don't think you can escape from the North Pole?
Phil: That depends on how reasonable we're all willing to be. All I want is an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!
Santa: You'll shoot your eye out, kid!

Naturally, Saidah.

And you are going to loooooovvvvvve our next posting.

So Illinois travels to this pole of the north where he finds dwarved men with pointy ears manufacturing cosmic dust and bootlegged Conway Twitty cd's. Illinois captures the ringleader, "Santa MC" (Mastah Claus) and takes SMC to "The Screaming House," where Santa learns he will spill answers and blood, after Illinois turns his corrupt carcass into a red and white striped candy cane of agony....or something like that?

Just as we wrote it up, Cube.

Plus: the infamous scene where Bon rips out Rudolph's heart, still beating in his hand.

Phil: As you know, from visiting my blog, I saw the movie the other night. Hated it. HATED it. Now your movie? THAT would be a blockbuster.