Great plan, but you really need to clear out that tangled, critter-infested, rain forest. I think something along the lines of a grassy English-type countryside look extending for miles and miles, is a win-win for all involved.

Don't worry, KOB, there won't be a single tree left when we're done - you're only seeing the initial phases of grading.

As far as grass....I don't think there will be very much. Primarily asphalt.

I've been wondering where the wife and I would be going for the second honeymoon.

Is there going to be a special menu at Kenny & Bon's featuring locally grown produce and game?

Absolutely Matt. In addition to the fare you already are accustomed to at 'K & B''s, they will have indigenous species on the menu such as:

Kenny's baked pygmy-owl
Rufous-necked puffbirds almondine
Stir-fryed Short-billed leaftossers

We will leave the traditional seafood to Red Lobster, as no one does it better, but Bon will surely have some Amazon River cuisine not normally served at Red Lobster, like python.

Current residents displaced to where exactly? FEMA trailers?

Nevertheless, progress comes at a price and hell, when they get back and experience cheesy biscuits for the first time, they'll think the rapture (or whatever their indigenous version of it may be) has finally arrived.

(Well, until the little kids start losing their fingers working double shifts in the Kangol plant anyway...)

Sill though. Progress, man. Progress.

We would not force the children to work at the Kangol plant, Hammer.

They will be caddies at the Conway Twitty Golf Course.

I love this tribe news stuff. Glad you guys went down there and took care of business. Hilarious as always.

Phil: I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.

You've forgotten a key fish of the Amazon: piranhas. You'll also have to add insects to the Kenny & Bon's menu. That's fast food for them native types.

Contemporary natives are big on taking items from other cultures and weaving them into their hair, flesh and wardrobe: AC/DC tee shirts worn with the traditional penis gourd, Hot Wheels woven into hair, old 35mm film cannisters into their ear lobes and a plastic straw through the nose (courtesy of Kenny & Bon's.)

...and where does Mel Gibson's Apocalyptica fit into any of this? Certainly Mel and some of his merry band of mates could show for a grand opening or two. Eat the guests. Whatever.

Thanks, Namaste. Nice to hear from you, again!

Good idea, Cube, on the insects. Deep fried and in containers of small, medium, and large.

And I don't think the Playaz have forgiven Mel for his movie "What Women Want".

Maybe you should also include a skin bleaching and waxing salon. The natives would definitely appreciate that...

Where is the Walmart?

The Walmart requires no specific location. The Walmart is like The Force. The Walmart surrounds us and binds us. The Walmart flows through us. And with everyday low prices at that!

It is good to have you back, Playaz!

Can we put up a theatre, Phil? Like Branson? We could bring artists down there to perform for the natives. They would love Dolly Parton, I'd bet. I wish Grandpa Jones were still alive. Do you think we could get a contract on Slim Whitman?

Talking Budgie - another good idea. I will likely hire Velvet or Cube for this task, since they know a lot about the subject.

Prince - as Hammer says, the Wal-Mart will be present, and perhaps they can carry a specific line of clothes designed by you, for the pygmies?

Rev - Thanks!

Cube - the Larry Holmes amusement park will carry an amphitheater and will in fact be fashioned much like Dollywood. We will certainly have exclusive entertainment inside the "Big Chief" Tapajo Casino/Hotel - sadly I think Slim is dead. We had booked the Hager Twins from Hee-Haw, but one of the twins died recently as well. Back to the drawing board, I suppose.

This is a marketing dream come true, Playaz. You could raid some warehouse that sells those cheap island straw hats, coolie hats, cowboy hats, or Devo hats...plastic leis, Mardi Gras beads, plastic hula skirts...all of that "carnival at the elementary school" crap. Think of the markup!

I can't wait to see the Chieftain of the tribe wearing a Devo hat, hula skirt and a tee shirt saying SUNDAY! BIG RIG WEEKEND AT THE ARENA! SUNDAY! His spear would have a ring of Barbie heads.

This whole thing is starting to take on a Fitzcarraldo-Conrad-Kurtz-The Horror aspect.... with a pinch of Junior Samples.

Exactly - remember long ago when our forefathers traded a few beads for the entire island of Manhattan?

They have no idea what anything's worth!

I'm aghast at this development. Phil, where's the courthouse where you promised I would rule over the tribesmen, mete out punishment to casino cheaters and cheesy biscuit thiefs, and perform Vegas-style/tribal weddings?

Don't worry, Wayne!

Remember, we initially planned to house your court next to the Count Room and the room where we dole out beatings to cheaters inside the Casino. It will literally be a one-stop shop. Get married, gamble away your savings, attempt to cheat to gain back your savings, get the beating of your life from Larry Holmes, get a divorce, and be thrown in jail.

If this doesn't suit you, there are literally thousands more acres to tear down where we can build a stand-alone courthouse.

Do these tribesmen wear penis sheaths? If so, I have got a few great ideas.

I can't wait for my "The Playaz razed a lost civilization, and all I got was this lousy tshirt" shirt.

I hope there are Dippin' Dots and funnel cake.

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