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November 16, 2009

Good things come in brown paper packages

I spied it from across the room. This envelope perched next to stacks of other forgettable mail....catalogs, bills, collection notices, etc....poised in such a way as to make me notice it. I had hoped it was my copy of the french classic, "Secretaries sans culottes", but no, this was something else. I recognized the return address. Yes, I had been to this place before.

But how did he get my address? Oh, yes. He's been in our mainframe computer. Damn him!

So what in the blue-blazes is it? Since it could certainly be nothing good (cash, narcotics, pornography) I was extremely fearful.

But on the other hand, I am not a very disciplined person, and was determined to find out what was inside.

My special gloves that I typically wear when producing crystal methamphetamine should do the trick.

Anthrax? Nah, too "2001" . He probably had the swine flu and coughed into the envelope before sealing and mailing his sickness straight to my door.

I figured I would run the mystery package through it's paces, subjecting it to lysol disinfectant, tossing it into ceiling fans then ducking, throwing it against a tree, allowing the neighbor dog to sniff it and see if it either dies or tucks its tail between its legs, and even microwaving it.

Ultimately, I decided only one thing to do. Open it.

"Hello! First off, please read the final Throwing Hammers blog post....."

The final Throwing Hammers blog post.....

It's over! The Playaz are victorious! We have outlasted the man. And look, he even signed his name! Probably not his real name...I mean, I wouldn't want anyone to know it was really me who was subjected to the humiliating defeat at the hands of Playaz Ball.

But, I am not without an honorable side. I am, after all, a "gentleman of leisure", and that includes the word "gentleman".

This blog was, for all its faults, not without merit. Often thoughtful (I could rarely understand most of it), often humorous, and very, very lyrical. Like a song, that went on...and on...and on.

I can't help feeling that this is not the last of us. That we will meet again someday.

However, my immediate danger has passed. And there appear to be some CDs enclosed....hmmm....perhaps this is my copy of "Secretaries without culottes", just very discreetly packaged. Either way, be sure and visit Throwing Hammers, if anything to gloat that it is no more. And these words enclosed will find their proper place.

Though I will not forget them. No, I feel I will not forget them.

Posted by Phil at November 16, 2009 9:23 AM