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December 22, 2009
Angels and Demons
"Who are you?"
"My name is Clarence, and I'm your Guardian Angel. I came down here to save you, Phil."
"Save me?? Save me from what?"
"You've been given a great gift, Phil. You've truly had a wonderful blog. And now I'm going to help you see what a gift you've been given by showing you what the internet would be like if you'd never been born."
"Never been born?! Who said I wished I had never been born?! I just get tired of updating this stupid, penny-ante blog every once in a while, so what? Let me explain something to you, Mr. "Clarence", if that's who you really are, I am an important man. A rich man. Richer than you'll ever be able to comprehend. I can have any woman I want. I can do whatever I want...."
"But, Phil, once I've been given my orders, I can't...."
"Have you ever felt the wrath of the Playaz, Clarence? I know you haven't because there isn't a man or beast that has been left alive to be able to tell about it! If you don't go back to where you came from...."
"I'm sorry, Phil, the decision has been made to teach you a lesson."
"Then I've made a decision of my own, Clarence. I've decided that you will wish you had never been born!"
"AAAHHHH!! Oh God!"
"God won't help you, now, Clarence! You're going to burn...along with the rest of this town."
"No! Stop! How is this possible? I'm already dead...I don't understand how can this be happ- "
"Eat lead, Clarence! Now to take care of unfinished business!"
"Happy New Year to you, Hammer! In Hell!"
"So long, movie house! So long, Emporium! So long, you &%$ old Building & Loan!"
"SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!!"
"Well, Joseph, that didn't turn out as well as we hoped. What do we do with Clarence, now?"
"Didn't turn out well? It turned out great! We've finally gotten rid of that bumbling idiot. Send him to Hell."
"Yes, Joseph. Oh -- Merry Christmas, Joseph."
"Thanks, Merry Christmas to you too."
Posted by Phil at December 22, 2009 1:10 PM