« October 2005 | Main | December 2005 »

November 29, 2005

Feeling bad?

I have noticed recently around the blog-world that many of you have been battling colds, flus, etc., lately. Chase of the blog Chase-ing Complacency had to have emergency surgery on top of that.

The Playaz want to wish you all well, and we hope for you to have good health and speedy recoveries.

As an added bonus, in the future when you are feeling under the weather, whether it be illness, hangover, accident, please feel free to download this "Get Well Soon" card from the Playaz and look at it for comfort.

Posted by Phil at 9:03 AM

November 28, 2005

The day Don Knotts didn't die

Bon and I were talking the day before Thanksgiving, and Bon mentioned he was taking his kids to see the movie Chicken Little.

"Who's in that?" I asked.

"I'm not sure, but I heard Don Knotts is one of the voices," Bon replied.

"That can't be," I said. "Don Knotts is dead."

"What??!" Bon exclaimed. "He can't be dead!"

Tears filled Bon's eyes, and in a blinding rage, Bon shot up towards the heavens.

Determined not to let this comedic genius leave this Earth, not when he would have been so perfect for the role of Mayor Turkey Lurkey, Bon decided to use his super playa powers to travel back in time to prevent the premature demise of Don Knotts.

Suddenly, Bon heard a voice from the heavens. A ghostly image of Conway Twitty appeared before a distraught Bon.

"You should not use your powers to alter the world's history, Bon," Conway said. "It is forbidden!" his voice boomed.

Bon's grief overwhelmed him. Disregarding Conway's warning, Bon flew at super-speed around the Earth, and the immense frictional force created by Bon's speed caused the Earth to suddenly reverse it's rotation.

Successufully creating a time warp, Bon was able to reverse the course of the world's events back to a time before Don Knotts had perished.

Returning to Earth, Bon told me what he had done.

"Oh yeah," I said. "I was wrong about that. Don Knotts isn't dead at all."

Bon seemed quite pleased by this, and couldn't wait to see the hit movie, Chicken Little.

Posted by Phil at 9:00 AM

November 22, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving

The Playaz will be celebrating their Thanksgiving this year just the same as they do each year.

First, Bon will make his traditional trip up to Washington to hide in the White House rose garden, where he will kill the turkey traditionally pardoned by the President of the United States (plus, with the bird-flu going around, Bon does not believe we need to be 'pardoning' any birds from anything).

Once Bon has struck down the bird (this year, Bon is using a boomerang, as he feels it is more "sporting"), the turkey is decapitated, stripped of it's feathers, disembowled, and broiled for hours before Tac serves and carves this delicious bird for his fellow Playaz.

We wish all of you a Happy Thanksgiving, and we'll see you all after the holiday!

Posted by Phil at 5:37 PM

November 20, 2005

Christmas cards

We wanted to let you know that Christmas is right around the corner, and to please email us your address if you desire receive the official 2005 Playaz Christmas Card, complete with an authentic signature of each of the Playaz. These cards will not be signed by our secretarial staff as they have been in years' past, but will be personally autographed by us.

Due to the heavy demand, we needed make you aware of this rare offer and to recommend you submit your request early.

*Phil's note: The card will not necessarily be this card. So don't think "oh, I've already seen the Playaz christmas card, why do I want one?" Everyone may get a different card, or the same card, but different from this one. Who knows? It will be crazy!

Posted by Phil at 2:17 PM

November 18, 2005

So sayeth the Playaz

1. We are the Playaz. Thou shalt have no other Playaz before us.
2. Thou shalt make no graven images of Conway Twitty.
3. Thou shalt not use Kenny's name in vain.
4. Remember Playaz Ball, and keep it holy.
5. Thou shalt honor Kenny, Conway and Larry.
6. Thou shalt not murder one of the Playaz.
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery, lest it is with Dian Parkinson.
8. Thou shalt not steal from the Playaz.
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against Larry Holmes.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's kangol.

Posted by Phil at 12:57 PM

November 16, 2005

Blog Wars, continued....

When we last left the Playaz, they were raining down on Washington D.C. from the District's rooftops, attempting to locate the sinister Travis, who had launched a missile with an unknown trajectory, and clearing out anyone who stood in their path.

Present-day: The Playaz are closing in! Travis's suspected "#2" man is cornered and the Playaz believe they know his location. High in the mountains of Virginia, where anyone can disappear, the Playaz climb the icy snowcapped peaks to apprehend this villain...

Trapped! The Playaz have found their man! "#2" is pulled out of his 'spider-hole' to reveal....

Just as the Playaz suspected! A Unique Alias, Travis's purported "#2" man! He is dissheveled after living in squalor for the past 3 days, surviving on cigarettes and foliage.

"Where is the missile headed!?!", the Guv'na shouts at the disoriented AUA. Silence.

After hours of interrogation and beatings, and a little mocking of AUA's genitals, AUA speaks. "I don't know! I swear!!" AUA exclaims. "Take us to him!" the Playaz demand. Finally, exhausted and hungry, AUA agrees to lead them to Travis's hideout.

I repel down the side of the mountian with our captive.

Is A Unique Alias telling the truth? Will he lead the Playaz to Travis? Where will the missile hit??

To be continued....

Posted by Phil at 7:55 PM

November 15, 2005

Blog Wars II - Revenge of the Playaz

Rev. 9:3-5
3 Then from the smoke came locusts on the earth, and the Playaz were given power like the power of scorpions of the earth; 4 they were told not to harm the grass of the earth or any green growth or any tree, but only those of mankind who have not the seal of the Playaz upon their foreheads; 5 they were allowed to torture them for five months, but not to kill them, and their torture was like the torture of a scorpion, when it stings a man.

An apparent attack on the Playaz has been made by a certain disgruntled blogger, and so, war has begun, and the fury of the Playaz with it.

While the Playaz wish for peace, we must sometimes do what we must to defend ourselves. Despite the split decision in our recent contest, the Playaz stand united when attacked.

As of 21:00 hours, the Playaz departed on an unmarked civilian plane for Washington D.C., so as not to be detected, as the Playaz Jet surely would be upon entering the Capitol's airspace.

As you can see, I have 'readied' myself for the jump before us. There will be no need for parachutes now as we descend upon Washington as a plague of locusts.

Shirtless, high on cocaine, and poised to attack from high atop the National Archives building, I make the call summoning the Playaz to strike.

Wayne is close to infiltrating the Jefferson Memorial, where the missle was launched.

With the Playaz' top secret documents and artifacts kept safely secured in an underground lair, deep below the surface of the undisclosed location of Playaz' Headquarters, the Playaz possessions are protected from the potential missile strike launched by this devious mastermind.

Beware, Travis...the Playaz are coming, and we are bringing Hell with us. Surrender now, for the greater good, lest there be further casualties.

Posted by Phil at 9:20 PM

November 14, 2005

...and the winner is

It was a very, very close vote, and the Playaz thank all the thousands of entries we received with your ideas to make us all rich. After narrowing the list down to 3 entries, which included a stellar proposal by Travis of Throwing Hammers, the Playaz voted for a very simple, but brilliant idea.

Sethro, of the blog Brain Dump, is the winner of the first annual Playaz Venture Capital Contest.

Sethro's idea was very simple, yet the Playaz feel it was also quite profound. The product Sethro proposes ties in perfectly with the Playaz philosophies on life, and delivers a message to all of humanity that will make them think about their life and life choices. So without further ado, we present to you Sethro's plan:

What the world needs is a little more on The Playaz. How do we get that message to the people? Simple. What has the hot fashion trend been over the past few years? Wristbands. The WWJD and Lance Armstrong Live Strong wristbands. I propose the following:

WWKD? wristbands (not that it needs clarifying, but it stands for:
What
Would Kenny Do?)
WWLD? wristbands (not that it needs clarifying, but it stands for:
What
Would Larry Do?)

And of course, people need insight and inspiration from The Playaz.
How better than for people to get this than to model them after the Live Strong bracelets. How about phrases such as:

Classy and Contemplative
Arrive In Style
Suave and Class

and of course...

Kill All Animals

I'll front the intial $250,000 for materials and a six month lease of
the manufacturing facility. I just need sponsorship here. Playaz, you
are my only hope.

Sethro

Runner-up: Fantasy Playaz Island by Travis of "Throwing Hammers"

This was an excellent idea, with a killer presentation. The vote was very close. A couple of the Playaz still had questions about their roles and had offered some changes, but the rules were we had to accept the proposal "as-is". I think what may have been Travis's ultimate downfall was the lack of inclusion of Kenny or Larry in his plan. Perhaps they should have been present to greet the visitors to the island, or something of that nature.

And the idea of having Guv'na's attempted assassin flying the plane to FPI made him a bit nervous.

That said, all the Playaz were impressed with this submission. We ask that perhaps you consult with us on ways to polish it up, and maybe re-submit it for next year's contest.

Honorable Mention: The Reverse Strip Club by the Captain of "DC Sports"

The Playaz appreciated Captain's idea, but just felt it wasn't centered enough on the Playaz themselves.

Captain's theory was the girls of this club would enter the stage completely nude, only to be fully clothed by the end of her set. This way, he would avoid the controversy of a strip club by gaining the support of the conservative portion of the community because the ladies would be getting dressed, instead of undressed.

Captain sent lots of photos....none of which I can post here. We thank him for the, um, material.

UPDATE
As expected, our runner-up is not pleased....

Posted by Phil at 8:05 PM

November 13, 2005

Prince Charles stops in Atlanta to give Playaz special award

Prince Charles and his wife Camilla stopped in Atlanta, Georgia recently during their tour across the United States, and were photographed at a special ceremony held at the Martin Luther King, Jr. National Historic Site & Museum.

It was there among the many guests and onlookers that Prince Charles presented the Playaz with an award for Most Exceptional White-ness. (Larry Holmes can be seen in the background attempting to get into the photo)

Prince Charles hands the award out on an annual basis to the person or people he feels exemplifies being the "most white". The Playaz are known for living in excessive wealth, and are considered conservative in both their religious and political beliefs.

Following the ceremony, the Playaz and the Prince headed across the street to Washington Park and challenged a group of locals to game of "shirts and skins", where the Playaz and Prince summarily thrashed their opponents thanks in large part to Prince Charles's dazzling wind-mill dunks and tenacious defense.

The day's events apparently did not sit well with the local residents who live around the park, and forced the Prince and the Playaz to cut their day short and speed off in their convoy of limosines following the ceremony and basketball game.

Posted by Phil at 1:54 PM

November 11, 2005

Updates

A few items to mention.

First, once the balloting is closed, the Playaz will be considering the entries to our contest over the weekend. There are some excellent ideas, and each one will be considered carefully. Believe me, nothing is a given. Hopefully, a winner will be announced early next week.

Second, we have a new feature added to the website. If you will notice at the top of the page, you can now view Playa bios by clicking on the handsome face of the Playa of your choosing. You may also navigate back to the main page by clicking our logo.

Last, we have a permanent "contact" link in the sidebar where you can send the Playaz all your queries. I realize the Yahoo! account is beneath the Playaz' standards, but we are working on individual email accounts within our own domain.

Have a good weekend everybody.

Posted by Phil at 10:45 PM

November 9, 2005

The Playaz believe the children are the future

The Playaz are venturing into a new area, an off-shoot of our smash video hit "Baby Playaz", and will begin developing children's books and nursery rhymes.

We are not coming up with any "new" ideas, but merely improving on old classics by making them more contemporary and along the lines of what we feel children would take an interest in.

Here are a few examples of our books:

Here is a rendition of the old classic that we call "Hickory Dickory Tac":

We are also in the process of revamping stale nursery rhymes such as: "Little Miss Parkinson", "Kenny & Jill", and "The Three Little Playaz".

Reminder!

Your project, should you wish to be considered by the Playaz, should be submitted by this Friday to playazball1@yahoo.com!

Posted by Phil at 10:22 PM

November 8, 2005

Wayne wins lawsuit against Merck Co.; congratulates clients for making him rich

Wayne congratulated his clients after recently winning them a judgement against Vioxx drug maker the Merck Company. They were to receive approximately $932 each after Wayne's $253,950,078.00 attorney's fees.

Wayne was seen leaving the courtroom on the way to the Mercedes dealership to pick up his solid gold Mercedes.

Posted by Phil at 10:55 PM

November 6, 2005

Guv'na receives special phone call while recovering in hospital

Manny (aka, The Guv'na) received a very special phone call over the weekend from an old friend wishing the Guv'na a speedy recovery.

The call reportedly lifted the Guv'na's spirits enough that he managed to empty his bladder without the assistance of a nurse, although rather unfortunately, no bed-pan was nearby.

Due to the nature of Guv'na's gunshot wound, all phones had been tapped for security purposes, and we are pleased to offer you a recording of the phone call.

Listen!

Posted by Phil at 9:22 PM

November 4, 2005

Oh, I wish I had a handle-bar mustache

Please visit the Rhinestone Cowgirl to see the definition of true dedication to the Playaz.

Update: Pretty poor showing thus far for the Playaz Contest to make you rich. I guess none of you want to be rich (see post for details). Your proposal is due this Friday, Nov. 11th. They must be submitted to the email address in the post or they won't be considered.

Posted by Phil at 6:49 PM

November 3, 2005

The Kenny Rogers Fan Club. It is not just a priviledge. It is your duty.

For a mere $15, you, too, can be welcomed into the fold that is the Kenny Rogers Fan Club. With your membership, you will get:

A letter from Kenny

A 5x7 Glossy Photo of Kenny

A Kenny refridgerator magnet

An official Kenny Rogers Fan Club Membership Card

I hear that Congress is about to pass a bill that states that every person living in the United States must have this card to identify themselves, and that a person will not be able to buy or sell goods without this card by the year 2008. So I urge you to join today, and show your loyalty to Kenny.

Posted by Phil at 8:01 PM

November 2, 2005

"Playaz legal team....Assemble!"

Is The Onion stealing stories from the Playaz?

Two weeks ago, I posted this story about Bon: "Bon Volunteers In Aiding Fight Against Bird Flu; Kills All Birds"

Today, I noticed The Onion had a story titled: "Bush Orders Mass Bald Eagle Slaughter To Stop Spread Of Bird Flu"

Now, despite my massive Playa ego, I do not suspect The Onion is perusing the Playaz Ball website looking for ideas. But the coincidences made me curious. Look at the examples below:

EXAMPLE 1

from playazball.com, Oct. 19th-

"Bon made swift work of the birds within his neighborhood, creating a deadly environment for the local blue jays, cardinals, robins, and geese that frequent the area,"

from theonion.com, Nov. 2nd-

"What about the less prominent but far more abundant fowl common to residential areas, such as bluebirds, cardinals, or geese - shouln't they die too?"

EXAMPLE 2

from playazball.com -

"...killing off birds one by one via poisoning, mallet, or shotgun blast."

from theonion.com -

"We can blow them off their perches with air rifles, stun them with ball-peen hammers, or break their wings, beaks, and necks..."

EXAMPLE 3

from playazball.com -

"The safest way to protect ourselves from an outbreak of bird flu in epidemic proportions is to simply kill every last bird," Bon said."

from theonion.com -

"Bush said.."We can all trust that their wisdom, manifested by this bold eagle-killing initiative, will protect us from any deadly bird-related diseases."

Lastly, in the comments section of my post:

(addressed to KOB)
"KOB - Bon is not above killing a bald eagle, if it's called for. In fact, I think there is a post on our old site giving you a sample overview of what Bon has killed - haven't moved it yet."
Posted by: Phil at October 21, 2005 01:15 PM

Nothing is taken verbatim, and certainly it is no stretch to come up with that premise for an Onion story. But still....

Playaz, gas up the jet. We may be headed to Madison, WI.

Posted by Phil at 8:45 PM

November 1, 2005

Here is your chance to become rich

Forget real estate, forget stocks, forget the McDonald's Monopoly game. This is your chance to be rich.

Thanks to an idea from reader Travis over at the Throwing Hammers blog, we have decided to offer you the opportunity of a lifetime by holding a little contest.

First, allow me to explain something about the Playaz. We are, of course, rich. Not from any effort or hard work of our own, but through our business model that is Playaz, Incorporated. Playaz, Inc. allows the Playaz to live lavish lifestyles through investors and business associates who wish to give us money in exchange for our business. We are 'business men'. Do you have a some business that requires money to exchange hands for goods or services? Consult with Playaz, Inc. We will take that money, take our share, then pass the remainder of that money to the appropriate party or parties. That's how we do business.

Another example is this website. It is hosted and designed by a very successful international corporation for free. Why? Because this particular company realizes it is simply good business to provide the Playaz with a service based on our demands, and thereby be able to associate themselves with us, which will in turn make them more money (after our cut, of course). Our jets, our beach houses, minks, etc., are all courtesy of an 'angel investor', or venture capitalist, if you will, who provides the Playaz capital in exchange for the Playaz providing themselves with whatever it is we want. This person makes nothing on the return of their investment. That's just how we roll.

BUT, we are willing to do something extraordinary and make you rich, just like us.

We will give you until November 11, 2005 to send to the Playaz your best idea, invention, investment opportunity, etc. You put up all the money. We choose the best idea and then we will feature it on our blog, which will lend the idea instant credibility. If the idea is truly good, as we expect it will, you do all the work to implement the plan which will then make money and we will both share in the profit.

The idea of this contest is for you to come up with an idea that you feel will suit the Playaz, maybe even somehow promote us in the process. Tell us how much money it will cost, and the steps taken to make the idea succeed. Be as creative as you can. Use visual aides if necessary.

Once you've done that, email your idea to playazball1@yahoo.com. We will then vote on the winner and announce it here on our site. You may ask us any questions you have in the comments section below.

Good luck!

Posted by Phil at 9:05 AM