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April 29, 2006
Hu wanted Bush to label Playaz an 'evil cult'
Chinese President Hu Jintao sought to convince President Bush during their meeting to publicly declare the Playaz an “evil cult” that should be banned, U.S. officials said.
The Playaz, founded by Philemon P. Braun, has changed its posture in recent years from that of a strictly benign, mustachioed swingers group to a political movement that targets the Chinese Communist Party and others who disagree with the Playaz' viewpoints, according to Hu.
We'll get you, Hu. We'll get you if it's the last thing we do...
Posted by Phil at 1:59 PM
April 28, 2006
Bon prepares delicious 'Black Bear' feast in celebration of Playaz Ball anniversary
Bon captured a black bear in Woodstock, Georgia with his custom-made trap and nothing more than a can of sardines, to be slaughtered and served in a celebration feast to honor "playazball.com"'s one year anniversary.
Bon went all out to please guests with samplings of some of the rarest animals on earth. So rare, in fact, that those animals are now extinct thanks to the party we had.
Some of the delectables at this blowout bash included:
Antillean cave rat
Arabian gazelle
Aurochs
Barbados raccoon
Barbados rice-rat
Barbuda rice-rat
Barbuda rice-rat
Basalt plains mouse
Bavarian pine vole
Big-eared hopping mouse
Black-footed ferret
Bluebuck
Blunt-toothed mouse
Brazilian three-banded armadillo
Broad-faced potoroo
Buhler's rat
Bulldog rat
Canary mouse
Cayman Brac hutia
Cayman Brac nesophont
Cayman hutia
Central hare-wallaby
Central rock rat
Columbian hutia
Corozal rat
Corsican shrew
Crescent nailtail
Cuban spider monkey
Curaçao giant rice rat
Curaçao sloth
Curio's giant rat
Dark flying fox
Darling Downs hopping mouse
Darwin's Galapagos mouse
Desert bandicoot
Desert rat-kangaroo
Dusky flying fox
Eastern hare-wallaby
Emperor rat
Falkland Islands dog
Fernandina Galapagos mouse
Field's mouse
Flat-headed myotis
Flores cave rat
Flores long-nosed rat
Florida naked-tailed rat
Giant deer mouse
Goliath white-toothed shrew
Grand Cayman hutia
Atlantic gray whale
Great hopping mouse
Great key mouse
Grooved-toothed forest mouse
Guadalcanal rat
Guam flying fox
Gulf of California woodrat
Gull Island vole
Hairy-eared dwarf lemur
Haitian edible rat
Hensel's field mouse
Ilin bushy-tailed cloud rat
Imposter hutia
Indefatigable Galapagos mouse
Insular cave rat
Jamaica rice-rat
Jamaican monkey
Jamaican pallid flower bat
Large Corsican field vole
Large funnel-eared bat
Large ghost faced bat
Large Palau flying fox
Large sloth lemur
Large-eared tenrec
Lava mouse
Lemke's hutia
Lesser bilby
Lesser Cuban nesophont
Lesser stick-nest rat
Lesser yellow bat
Long-tailed hopping mouse
long-nosed potoroo
Lord Howe Island bat
Maclear's rat
Madagascan pygmy hippopotamus; common Malagasy hippo
Malagasy dwarf hippopotamus
Marcano's solenodon
Marianas flying fox
Martinique giant rice-rat
Miller's myotis
Montane hutia
Mummy shrew
Negros naked-backed fruit bat
Nelson's rice-rat
Nendo tube-nosed fruit bat
New Guinea big-eared bat
New Zealand greater short-tailed bat
Old fig-eating bat
Omilteme cottontail
Oriente cave rat
Osborn's key mouse
Pemberton's deer mouse
Philippine fruit bat
Pigfooted bandicoot
Poey's pallid flower bat
Pristine mustached bat
Przewalski's horse
Puerto Rican flower bat
Puerto Rican hutia
Puerto Rican plate-toothed mouse
Puerto Rican sloth
Queen of Sheba's gazelle
Rabida Galapagos mouse
Red fruit bat
Red gazelle
Red hairy-tailed bat
Santiago Galapagos Mouse
Sardinian pika
Saudi gazelle
Schomburgk's deer
Sea mink
Short-horned water buffalo
Short-tailed hopping mouse
Small key mouse
Southeastern pocket gopher
St. Lucia giant rice-rat
St. Vincent pygmy rice-rat
Standing's hippo
Steller's sea cow
Sturdee's Bonin pipistrelle
Swan Island hutia
Tanzania woolly bat
Tasmanian bettong
Thylacine; Tasmanian wolf
Toolache wallaby
Torre's cave rat
Tretretretre
Verhoeven's giant tree rat
Vespucci's rat
Victorious nesophont
Vietnam warty pig
West Indian monk seal
West Indian porcupine
Western Cuban nesophont
Western palm squirrel
and
White-footed rabbit-rat
Mmm, mm!! Thanks, Bon!
2:55 pm Update: Bon back at work
Posted by Phil at 10:05 AM
April 27, 2006
On this day in history, PlayazBall.com was born
One year ago today, Playaz Ball, the blog, began with this simple yet poignant post.
We started with few readers (5 to be exact). We have grown significantly since then, and we truly appreciate each and every one of you who visit our website.
I have put together a brief slideshow of photos to reflect on this past year, many of which you have seen before if you are longtime readers, with a few new pics thrown in that have not been seen by the public.
So get out your handkerchiefs and enjoy this photographic montage of nothing in particular, and in random order.
or, you may also view the video by clicking this link to YouTube
And while you're at it, feel free to re-live these classic tales of yester-year.
Posted by Phil at 9:00 AM
April 25, 2006
Playaz deem surgery on Kenny Rogers a success
Whew!
Well, we have been working long hours to repair Kenny Rogers, and I can proudly say it has been a success.
Let's be honest. We were all frightened by what we saw. But we knew that with the proper counsel with Kenny and surgical precision that we could rebuild the man.
I will let the results speak for themselves.
Before:
After:
As we mentioned before, we also implanted several cybernetic devices. A 20.1:1 telescopic zoom in Kenny's right eye. A bionic right arm with the strength of a bulldozer. Two bionic legs that allow Kenny to run at super-speeds.
Kenny is currently rehabbing and getting used to his new abilities, which I'm sure will come in handy for both him and us.
We hear there is a 'Bigfoot' roaming in the northwestern forests with plans on looting America's precious jewels.
Posted by Phil at 9:03 AM
April 24, 2006
Behold, the marketing power of the Playaz!
In case any of you doubted the celebrity status and marketing power behind the Playaz, I urge you to click on the link below and observe the A-list celebs chosen to help promote this person's products:
Back in December, Julia (the creator of this design) was kind enough to send the Playaz free t-shirts...knowing full well her product would take off if we were seen wearing them.
If you have a product that you are trying to get out into the market and need that one break, that one chance at maximum exposure, send it to us, for free. You are guaranteed riches and success.
And while you're at it, go buy one of Julia's shirts. A percentage of the proceeds go towards breast cancer research, so it is for a worthy cause.
Posted by Phil at 2:18 PM
April 21, 2006
We are tired
The Playaz are so very, very tired.
We work constantly to entertain you. We just want to rest. Just for a bit.
May we lie here for just a brief time? We promise we won't disturb anything.
Next week, the "Playaz Ball" blog will be one year old. 365 days of blogging enjoyment for the masses. Can't you see we just need some rest?
Please, for the love of God!
Posted by Phil at 12:55 PM
April 20, 2006
Playaz, we can rebuild him
We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world's first bionic country singer. Kenny will be that man. Better than he was before. Better. Stronger. Faster.
Posted by Phil at 9:07 AM
April 18, 2006
What condition Kenny's condition is in
This issue hit the newsstands this week, and we felt that it would be best if you heard it from us first.
We do not know who this "anonymous" source is, but we want everyone to know that the Playaz feel that there is nothing wrong with the way Kenny looks. Yes, Kenny has said he is not happy with some eye-work he had done, and we are looking into the situation, but that is all we are going to say on the matter.
Posted by Phil at 8:23 PM
April 17, 2006
Guv'na & Chewbacca to travel cross country together in 18-wheeler
The Guv'na and Chewbacca have begun a cross country journey together via 18 wheeler that will take them across the continental 48 states, parts of Canada, and Mexico to promote the upcoming 2006 Playaz Ball.
Guv'na and Chewbacca will be handing out kangols and candy canes to spread word of the big event, scheduled to occur July 27th through the 30th.
Chewy and The Guv'na are not charting unfamiliar waters, so to speak. Prior to Chewbacca's assistance to the Playaz through our NASA projects, the odd couple had travelled together for many years, getting into various misadventures on the road. In the late 70s, Guv'na and Chewy would bootleg Coors beer across the Texarkana line, then considered illegal in the southern bible-belt states.
The Guv'na's only complaint is sharing a sleeper cabin with the 7 and a half foot space-ape.
"It is highly uncomfortable, and the beast emits a formidable scent," Guv'na has said. "But, it is for the good of Playaz Ball," he added.
Posted by Phil at 8:59 AM
April 14, 2006
Bon captures egg-hiding rabbit in backyard
Bon captured an incredibly large rabbit today that he found sniffing around his backyard.
Bon said aside from the unusual size of the rabbit, he mentioned a most peculiar basket found nearby filled with colorful eggs. Bon believed it belonged to the rabbit somehow, but couldn't understand what a rabbit would be doing with it in the first place.
Bon plans to boil the rabbit along with the newfound eggs and serve it for Easter dinner.
Posted by Phil at 9:05 AM
April 12, 2006
Sign up now for the Playaz phone service!
Through one of our newly acquired subsidiaries, we are now providing home telephone service across the globe.
Currently, we only have one customer.
Posted by Phil at 1:24 PM
April 11, 2006
We have a very urgent and important announcement to make
Please watch this very important informational video.
Press releases have been sent this morning to the Atlanta Journal - Constitution, the Washington Post, the New York Times, Associated Press, and the Belfast Telegraph.
or, you can click this link to YouTube
Update 4/12:
Attached is a copy of the Press Release we sent to the newspapers listed above. This is a "condensed" version, as I sent unique releases to each paper, but this will give you the idea of what was sent.
View the press release (.doc format)
Posted by Phil at 9:41 AM
April 9, 2006
Playaz not willing to wait out rain-delayed Masters, award green jacket to Burt Reynolds
The 2006 Masters Tournament was met with a heavy downpour of rain in Saturday's round that delayed the prestigous golf tournament, forcing extended play on Sunday.
The Playaz, who have long sponsored the Augusta, Georgia golf tournament, were not willing to wait until match play had completed and instead opted to award the Green Jacket to none other than Burt Reynolds.
The last group finished shortly after 7:20 p.m., but by that time the Playaz had long since left the grounds with former Georgia resident Reynolds proudly wearing the coat. Reynolds will be allowed to keep the coat for one year, then he will host the Champions Dinner at the 2007 Tournament.
"Burt is a 'Master' in his own right," Wayne was quoted as saying. "We felt he deserved the jacket over anyone else. With movies such as Smokey & The Bandit, Smokey & The Bandit II, Smokey & The Bandit III (Reynolds made only a cameo appearance), and Sharky's Machine all filmed in the state of Georgia, he has in turn become a Georgia icon, just as important as The Masters tournament itself and is deserving of this honor."
In fact, the Playaz have never officially given the Green Jacket to any golfer winning the Tournament since the Playaz became one of the primary sponsors. Each year, the Playaz grow weary after the third round, and present the jacket to the person of their choosing.
Past winners include:
2005 Kenny Rogers
2004 Ray Stevens
2003 Kenny Rogers
2002 Larry Holmes (first African-American non-golfer to win the Green Jacket in Augusta)
2001 Phil Braun (the Playaz' first year sponsoring the Tournament)
Posted by Phil at 10:02 PM
April 6, 2006
Michael Flatley attempts to enter United States; Is intercepted and beaten by the Playaz
Michael Flatley, self-proclaimed "Lord of the Dance", attempted to enter the United States by boat to embark on a tour across the country until he was intercepted and summarily beaten by The Playaz.
An anonymous tip let the Playaz know of Flatley's arrival, where the Playaz met Flatley's boat at the port of Charleston, South Carolina.
It was from there that the Playaz took Flatley to a secluded Kansas cornfield (thanks, Saidah!) and beat him within an inch of his life before returning Flatley back to Ireland, instructing him never to return to the U.S.
The Playaz blame Flatley for all that is wrong with dancing, and in particular, white people dancing.
To see what we mean, please watch this video of a couple of our American friends now living in Northern Ireland, who are afflicted with this terrible, terrible disease.
*Note: Today at 5 p.m. our server will be down for approximately 1 hr for maintenance. Thank you - Phil
Posted by Phil at 8:35 AM
April 4, 2006
Tac wins owl calling contest
Tac was recently named the 2006 Owl Calling champion at the recent Owl Festival held this past March.
Tac can call over 132 different owl species. It is said that Tac has a mysterious ability to communicate with owls, a talent that has not been fully explored by the Playaz, but one that may come in handy some day. To hear Tac calling an owl, click here. Tac does not use any man-made instruments in his call - it is strictly his voice.
Mark you calendars for 2007 to attend one of Tac's Owl Calling classes.
Posted by Phil at 9:18 AM
April 3, 2006
Playaz purchase space robot 'Goldar' at flea market
Several of the Playaz visited a local flea market recently and discovered the former Space Giant "Goldar" standing amidst some various and sundry items being sold.
The 50 foot tall golden robot from outer space was seen "standing next to some junk, you know, old record albums, bongs, belt buckles," according to The Guv'na, and it was apparently for sale.
A young asian man going by the name "Mikko" was manning a card table of items for purchase that included the robot known as "Goldar". After a bit of haggling, Mikko agreed to let Goldar go to us for $21.
While we Playaz aren't exactly sure what we're going to do with our new possession, we feel he will come in handy when the time comes for more Comet Dust, as Goldar is able to transform himself into a rocket ship and carries with him several defense mechanisms.
His gamma-ray firing antennae seem to work okay, although he is out of torpedoes that would normally fire from his chest cavity. Other than that he works just fine. We were instructed to merely keep his joints lubricated from time to time.
The drawback is that this "Goldar" talks, which can be annoying at times, and he seems quite depressed. He keeps rambling on about his "wife" (?) who went by the name "Silvar", who according to him was much like a human in size and appearance. And, they had a kid! He didn't seem to know where he was. I guess they got divorced somewhere along the line. How this "marriage" worked I'll never know, but whatever.
He also likes to reminisce about his 'glory days' when he did battle with a fanged, afro'ed villain called "Rodak". We are forced to patronize him and his boring chatter until we can figure out if there is a switch that will turn him off.
Anyway, it is none of our concern as he is now indebted to us in eternal robot servitude.
We also saw a 1971 model "Spectreman" there, but it appeared to be in quite a state of disrepair.
Posted by Phil at 8:48 AM
April 1, 2006
Bad news
I am shutting down this site.
Also, we have all contracted the bird flu.
Update: I have tricked you! April Fool's! Playaz Ball.com is continuing on, and the Playaz are 100% disease-free.
Posted by Phil at 9:24 AM