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July 31, 2006
Playaz Ball 2006: Breakfast of Champions
Posted by Phil at 2:11 PM
July 30, 2006
Playaz Ball 2006
Our apologies....right after this photo was taken, lightning struck our DSL connection at Playaz Ball rendering us unable to post.
Good to be back. More to come...
Posted by Phil at 8:47 PM
July 21, 2006
Only 6 shopping days 'til Playaz Ball 2006
As always, our ever changing schedules and the unpredictability of Playaz Ball prevents me from making any promises, except that I will post updates as I am able.
I will be taking a brief break in the meantime. Until then...See y'all next week.
Posted by Phil at 9:04 AM
July 18, 2006
Pope Benedict XVI accepts invitation to Playaz Ball
Pope Benedict XVI accepted an official invitation extended to him to attend this year's Playaz Ball. The Playaz, who are on a European tour that included stops in Pamplona, Spain and St. Petersburg, Russia, visited the Vatican City to pick up their very special guest.
"We will be taking the Pope to our private jet to fly him to the Isle of Palms for Playaz Ball," Wayne confirmed with the press.
Wayne snacks on a communion wafer prior to departing V.C.
The Pope stated he was extremely excited to receive an invitation, which is notoriously secretive for security reasons and is privvy to only a very select few outside the Playaz themselves.
"I have always wanted to go to Playaz Ball, ever since I was a Cardinal," Pope Benedict said. "I cannot wait. I heard Dian Parkinson will be there. So will Kenny Rogers. I heard one year Gene Rayburn went and he passed out and woke up handcuffed in the basement lying next to Linda Carter. Man, this is going to be so awesome!"
The Pope waved to well-wishers as the Playaz escorted him out of the Vatican City. Bon offered a child to the Pope for a sacrifice prior to Playaz Ball, but the Pope refused.
Posted by Phil at 7:08 PM
July 15, 2006
Phil & Bon arrive at G-8 Summit; seduce world leader's wives
Phil and Bon arrived in St. Petersburg yesterday to the world leader's annual G-8 Summit, for the sole purpose of seducing the leader's wives out of jewels and cash in order to help the Playaz fund the upcoming Playaz Ball.
Bon demonstrates to photographers the Playaz' method for seducing a woman
Phil & Bon approach Lyudmila Putina and Laura Bush...the game is afoot!
Following some small talk and several suggestive tales of romance and adventure, Bon and Phil entice the ladies into their car, explaining that they are unfamiliar with the area and would greatly appreciate their companionship over a candle-lit dinner
Later that evening at their chateau, Bon arouses the ladies with erotic literature
In the morning, First Ladies Putina and Bush discover Bon and Phil have left during the night, absconding with diamond brooches, assorted jewels, and all of their cash. A note smelling of Brut 33 and single roses were reportedly left on each ladies' pillow, apologizing and promising to always remember their night together.
Posted by Phil at 2:41 PM
July 14, 2006
America, Pt. II: Don't tread on the Playaz
At the behest of Unique Alias, I am posting another session of "Education: Playaz-style" between myself an yet another confused reader before it scrolls off into the archives.
I am also creating another category in our sidebar titled "Fan Mail" as these sessions seem to be becoming more frequent. While this is technically culled from the comments section of our previous post "United States of America: Greatest Country On Earth", I feel it is appropriate for the topic at hand.
In that post, a young fan hailing from the U.K. posted Anonymously (side note: seriously, why 'anonymous'? I mean, even "jeff s" had the guts to email me direct from his office email account at his tuxedo shop with Lord West...can't you at least make up a name?) and was decidedly opposed to my opinions that the U.S. is in fact the Greatest Country On Earth. So, with poor grammar and a hastily prepared diatribe, "anonymous" and I had the following exchange:
when u beat the crap out of the english wernt u all english too! and u had the french , dutch and spanish armies on your side. most of the english were actualy irish and german. can u count being envolved (sic) in WW1 ? and u eventualy joined WW2 when japan and germany declared war on u. u yanks live in a dream world.Posted by: Anonymous at July 11, 2006 09:25 PM
Anonymous, I would say if it weren't for the U.S. you'd be speaking (insert foreign language: german, japanese, italian, spanish, etc.)...but I'm not sure what to say because that's barely English you're typing.
Americans are not just English settlers. As you say we had Irish, German, etc. in our colonies at the time. We take the best of all cultures, then beat the crap out of whatever remains behind in that culture, because they are inferior.
I'd say we count in WWI, since we basically won it. Yes, we eventually did join WWII when you pansies couldn't get the job done (again), so we did it on two fronts for you.
Don't make us crush you, anonymous! You cannot hide from the USA!
Posted by: Phil at July 11, 2006 09:49 PM
do you seriously think anyone is scared of the USA.Posted by: Anonymous at July 12, 2006 11:46 AM
The people of Hiroshima & Nagasaki might disagree. If they were alive.
Oh yeah.. your own country won't even take a piss without our say-so first.
Posted by: Phil at July 12, 2006 12:06 PM
when we smashed argentina there were quite a few yank mercenary's helping them out! They were all wiped out by the Royal marines easy . By the way doubt you know this fact but it was the British that gave the Jap army their biggest defeat during WW2 in Burmah. of course dropping bombs on weak civilians is a perfect measure of how brave the USA is, your still doing it todayPosted by: Anonymous at July 13, 2006 01:43 PM
1) Yes - the mighty Argentinians. Which, by the way, we helped you win that one, too - go back and read your history books. The U.S. gave you missiles and machinery that actually worked and Margaret Thatcher herself said without the United States, Britain would have "never gotten back the Falklands". Enjoy your Patagonia sweaters! It was worth it!
2) Burma - when you say "British", you mean "British India", right? Yes this was the biggest Japanese defeat - unless you count the 214,000 we obliterated in Hiroshima and Nagasaki and forced Japan to surrender.
3) You got that right! That's how you win wars. Your country should look into it.
Posted by: Phil at July 13, 2006 02:04 PM
England invented democracy in 1649 thanks to the english civil war , thats long before we inventsd America , Australia , New Zealand , Canada , South Africa , Hong Kong ectPosted by: Anonymous at July 13, 2006 02:06 PM
i have to admit it would be easier to win this argument if you were frenchPosted by: Anonymous at July 13, 2006 02:08 PM
I look forward to seeing who the newly elected King and Queen will be.
I'll tell you what America invented: Business Opportunity. What if I told you that one could strike it rich, simply by posting comments on the internet, just as you're doing now?
Posted by: Phil at July 13, 2006 02:54 PM
I guess if there are any lessons to be learned here it is A) The U.S. is the Greatest Country On Earth, B) If you want to debate the Playaz, you will lose, because we are always right, and C) I would like to meet this young man to discuss a unique business opportunity that can benefit the both of us. If I could just have 5 minutes of your time to discuss our Business Model.
P.S. Unique Alias wanted to add: "someone should tell him that the Greeks invented democracy. You know, on account of the fact that it's from the Greek demos, "people," and kratos, "rule". And also, uhm, well-documented history."
Posted by Phil at 9:23 AM
July 12, 2006
Bizarro Kenny
In what is a little-known fact, there is a menace that exists here on our Earth...a menace that has plagued and beleaguered the Playaz for many, many years. I am talking about Bizarro Kenny.
Bizarro Kenny is a grotesque imitation of Kenny Rogers, the world's greatest country singer and musician. Bizarro Kenny was formed from lifeless matter and takes on the physical features of Kenny, but is backwards in every way from the real Kenny. That imperfect and disturbing creation is Michael McDonald.
Brought into being by a duplicator ray created by the Doobie Brothers (well-known arch nemesis to Kenny Rogers and his rock group "First Edition"), Bizarro Kenny was created from the DNA of Kenny Rogers into human form.
Bizarro Kenny has a chalky, pale complexion and a misshapen face, unlike Kenny's own god-like appearance.
Bizarro Kenny lives in a bizarro world, where it is considered a good thing to make crappy music, or to sing in an obnoxious manner. He does things opposite of Kenny. For example, Bizarro Kenny often sings "MoTown" hits made popular by the likes of great singers such as Smokey Robinson, Ottis Redding, and Marvin Gaye despite Bizarro Kenny's incredible white-ness. Also, whereas Kenny Rogers will sing you the classic tune "Ruby", Bizarro Kenny will sing worn-out and incredibly cliched song "Ain't No Mountian High Enough".
Kenny Rogers and Bizarro Kenny have done battle many times, yet Kenny has been unable to permanently rid the world of Bizarro Kenny. The Playaz despise him as much as any musical artist.
Bizarro Kenny has often referred to himself as "the greatest singer of all" in his backward world, yet has been quoted as saying "Me don't belong in world of living people! Me don't know difference between right and wrong - good music and bad!"
Help us rid the world of Bizarro Kenny, won't you?
Posted by Phil at 9:13 AM
July 10, 2006
Pamplona, Spain kicks off 9-day festival with "Running of the Playaz"
The northern Spanish city of Pamplona kicked off their annual festival and countdown to Playaz Ball with it's annual "Running of the Playaz".
This morning, at 8 a.m., the Playaz were let loose from a holding pen onto Santo Domingo Street, at which point they were free to run the .8 kilometer route into the city's bullring where throngs of excited and terrified fans await them.
Typically, thousands of fans of the Playaz run along side trying both to get near the Playaz, yet maintain a safe distance. The size of the crowd, and the unpredictability of the Playaz, adds to the risk involved in the experience.
"Most fans view the Playaz as friendly persons who are rather harmless," one experienced runner was quoted as saying. "But underestimating them can be a fatal mistake," he added.
Fortunately, the 3 minute run resulted in only one serious injury. Playaz fan Steve Skalish was inadvertently gored when he allowed himself to get too close to Bon. Undeterred, Skalish was quoted as saying "it was a great experience, and I'd do it again."
The Playaz are expected to head to Italy sometime next week on the last leg of their European trek before Playaz Ball 2006.
Posted by Phil at 9:04 AM
July 7, 2006
Jumping Snake River Canyon not so difficult
I really don't see what the big deal was. Jumping Snake River Canyon simply isn't that difficult.
With a Playaz custom-built Skycycle, I successfully jumped the 1,580 feet across the canyon with nothing more than a healthy dose of comet dust and a Honda 250 dirtbike stabilized by a rocket shell with fins and rocket booster. A few hay bails strategically placed on the other side of the canyon served to break my fall.
Evel Knievel failed in 1974 when his version of the skycycle crashed in the river below.
Really, what's the big deal? I can't count the number of times the Playaz have jumped our Lincoln Continental across the fountain when arriving at Caesar's Palace.
So, with nothing to do (since Tac was busy administering Ken Lay potassium chloride in the middle of the night, Guv'na was selling phony Coke recipes to Pepsi, Bon was partying with the Japanese Prime Minister, and Wayne was at the beach with Jessica Simpson), I built a rocket-cycle and headed to Idaho.
Evel Knievel was highly overrated.
Posted by Phil at 8:58 AM
July 5, 2006
Playaz dazzle Atlanta with "roman candle" display for Fourth of July
The Playaz put on an Independence Day spectacular this fourth of July with a Roman Candle display that enthralled Atlanta's citizens.
In a show that lasted well over 2 minutes, the Playaz lit and fired the illuminated powder, more commonly referred to as a Roman Candle, into the air until all 10 of the "stars" were dispensed.
A crowd of over 100,000 onlookers gathered near Atlanta's Lenox Square Mall, awaiting the Playaz incredible fireworks show. The Playaz played a Kenny Roger's CD into a microphone to accompany the pyrotechnic extravaganza.
The Playaz concluded the show with a grand finale that featured the lighting of the "snake", which starts as a small black pellet but becomes a growing black ash that produces a "snake-like" effect.
Posted by Phil at 8:54 AM