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April 27, 2007
Playaz offer Fidel Castro $100,000 for track suit
The Playaz sat down with recently recovering Cuban President Fidel Castro and offered the dictator $100,000.00 in U.S. dollars for his red, white, and blue track suit.
Castro has been seen the last several months sporting the track suit. The suit is believed to be an adidas suit from the 1982 era, though whether or not it is a knock-off brand has not been confirmed.
The Playaz prepared a detailed proposal and presented it along with their offer to convice the Cuban leader to part with the suit. While stressing that they were willing to pay top dollar, it was noted that the waistband was distressed from over-stretching, and that the suit would need to be cleaned to remove it's odor of sweat, moth balls, cigar smoke, and a scent that can only be described as being closest to that of 'hot dog'.
Castro listens closely as Bon goes over the Playaz' offer for the track suit in detail
Castro reportedly has 3 business days to consider the offer, and which point he will reply or counter-offer the Playaz. Castro may try to sell the Playaz a Le Coq Sportiff for $25,000.00.
Posted by Phil at 10:44 AM
April 23, 2007
Get a whiff of our hair
Special thanks to Rock Creek Rambler for inventing this fine product.
Posted by Phil at 9:37 AM
April 19, 2007
Playaz join in on burning effigies of Richard Gere; also encourage burning of American Idol's Sanjaya
The Playaz joined an enraged Indian mob in the burning of effigies of Richard Gere for his brazen display of public affection towards Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty, as well as their general distaste for the actor.
In addition, the Playaz encouraged not only the burning of Gere, but also effigies of recently ousted American Idol Sanjaya Malakar.
The Playaz kicked and stamped the flaming effigy of Malakar, shouting epithets such as "Death To Sanjaya", among the gathering of angry Indian protestors.
Most men were enraged by Gere's actions, considered a violation of Indian culture, but some were confused about the Playaz anger towards the fan-favorite Sanjaya in this year's "Idol".
"He is not a very good singer, but do we really need to burn his likeness? Richard Gere? Yes. But Sanjaya? Are we going too far?" one Indian man was quoted as saying.
The Playaz quickly convinced the horde that Sanjaya was an effeminate meat-eater, who, despite appearing on a show titled "American Idol", worshipped no idols himself. This sent them into a furious rage at which point effigies of Malakar, Paula Abdul, and Simon Cowell were also burned.
Posted by Phil at 5:17 PM
April 16, 2007
And the dance goes on...
Edited: April 18, 2007
As I promised The World, I would keep you updated as I continued desperately to negotiate with my personal friend and Barrister David Lauire and the Citizens International Bank of Nigeria to obtain my rightful inheritance.
You may catch up here:
Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Several days had passed with no communications from the Good Barrister. I then received this email from the Citizens Bank:
From:Citizen Bank (citizen_sinternationalbank@yahoo.com)
To: Phil Braun
Subject: THE BANK NEED YOUR ATTN:
Dear Friend.
What is happening to you out there, We have noit heard from you again.
From: Phil Braun
To: Citizen Bank
I must admit, I am getting a bit nervous. I have not heard from Barrister Lauire in a while. Is he on Spring Break?
From: Citizen Bank
To: Phil Braun
Dear friend .
All we want to no now is what is rong with you and Barrister David,Cos Barrister David was here with us on monday last week saying tu are not serious to Claim your late relative fund.
So we desided to stop mailing you.
Managment
Oh No! This did not look good...I decided that despite the fact these people obviously did not know who they were dealing with, I needed to take action myself...and let them know there has been some grave misunderstanding. I then sent concurrent emails to both the bank, and to my good friend Barrister David Lauire:
From: Phil Braun
To: Citizen Bank
Management:
I believe Barrister David to be in error. I was on vacation.
I am a very serious man and have need to claim the Fund.
Could you perhaps intermediate with the Barrister to rectify this situation? What gave him that impression? I only wanted to know with whom I was dealing with.
Phil
From: Phil Braun
To: David Lauire
Date: April 10, 2007
I have been out of town for a week and never heard back. What is the resolve?
Phil
Hmmm...no reply. I will send another email to Barrister David...
From: Phil Braun
To: David Lauire
Date: April 14, 2007
Subject: Let's make some money
I believe we are at a stalemate due to a potential language barrier.
Let's refresh our transaction in good faith.
Success! Today, I receive replies from both the bank and Barrister Lauire!
From: Citizen Bank
To: Phil Braun
Date: April 16, 2007
Call this Number so we can talk
234-8083326151
From: David Lauire
To: Phil Braun
Date: April 16, 2007
Subject: BE SERIOUSE.
MY DEAR FRIEND PLS YOU CAN GO NTO HELL FOR ALL I CARE, YOU NOT SERIOUSE
TELL ME ME WHEN YOU ARE SERIOUSE.
DAVID LAUIRE
From: Phil Braun
To: David Lauire
Date: April 16, 2007
Barrister David:
I am seriouse. Perhaps I should be offend by your offerings to go to Hell, but you call me friend so I must not take offense in this matter.
I am going to call the bank but I have a question. I am not familiar with the workings of the telephone for international calls. They gave me the number: 234-8083326151
This is not like our telephone numbers here where I live. How do I dial this?
Sincerely,
Phil
----------
To: Citizens Bank
From: Phil Braun
Date: April 17, 2007
I am quite concerned about the time difference - it is currently 10:19 a.m Tuesday here - I am under the assumption it is midnight, two days into the future where you reside. Am I correct?
What time do I call?
From: Citzens Bank
To: Phil Braun
Call anytime
To: Citizens Bank
From Phil Braun
Date: April 18, 2007
I have been thinking.
Since it appears Barrister Lauire is not willing to assist me, I feel I may need to involve my own personal counsel since I am inexperienced in conducting inheritance claims of my late Uncle from Canada. His name is Wayne.
Would this be agreeable?
Posted by Phil at 9:31 AM
April 12, 2007
Guv'na turns up in Zoo's bear exhibit
The Guv'na was discovered recently in the Bear Exhibit by patrons at the Alabama Gulf Coast Zoo, napping on the cool stone adjacent to the bear pool.
Exactly how the Guv'na ended up inside the exhibit is unknown. It is suspected that the Guv'na's propensity to nap, or pass out in various locations, combined with his love of fur coats, caused him to be mistakenly captured by animal control officials and relocated into the exhibit.
The Guv'na was seen earlier up and about, nibbling on the inside of a pumpkin shell along with the other bears, before taking a casual swim and entertaining the gathered audience by playing with a beach ball.
This is not the first time The Guv'na has ended up in a bear exhibit in the zoo. In 1997, Guv'na was seen in the Central Park Polar Bear exhibit in New York City.
Posted by Phil at 1:59 PM
April 10, 2007
Court rules: Tac the father of Anna Nicole's baby
The Court ruled today that DNA tests conducted by Larry Holmes have proven definitively that Tac is the father of Daniellyn, the daughter of the late Anna Nicole Smith.
Tac triumphantly exited the courthouse to throngs of reporters in the presence of a stunned Daniel K. Stern, Larry Birkhead, Zsa-Zsa Gabor's husband, Ed Asner, and Emmanuel Lewis.
Earlier photos of the pair had established a prior connection with Tac and the former Playboy model and love-maker to decrepit old people, and further speculation arose over a photo of Anna Nicole's son Daniel that one of the Playaz may have fathered him as well.
"I am very excited that my daughter and her money will be coming home with me soon," Tac was quoted as saying.
Posted by Phil at 4:48 PM
April 9, 2007
Overdrawn?
The fine folks at "Citizens Bank" are wondering why they have not heard from me lately in the dealings of my brutally murdered Uncle Muhammad from Canada and my personal Nigerian Lawyer David Lauire.
I do not wish to belabor you, dear readers, with all the details, but if you wish for me to keep you up to date with the correspondence, please let me know in the comments section.
Posted by Phil at 1:11 PM
Back to where I once belonged
I have returned from Spring Break and it was a huge success. This year, only 3 co-eds died falling off of my balcony, and I won 5 wet t-shirt contests.
However, this snap of cold weather has prevented me from shedding my winter coat.
While this acts as a natural sunscreen for me, I have usually lost most of this hair by now as we head into spring and summer.
As I settle back into my routine, please enjoy this post from Easter of last year. There is a new anonymous commenter who seems slightly disturbed by what he/she is seeing.
Bon captures egg-hiding rabbit in backyard
Will be posting again soon, everyone!
Posted by Phil at 9:46 AM