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May 30, 2007
Pick me, YouTubes!
For reasons of obtaining valuable prizes, I have opted to enter a short video into a contest being held on YouTube called "YouTube Sketchies" (sponsored by the delicious, delicious Sierra Mist beverage makers).
While my videos tend to be auto-biographical in nature, and not necessarily comedic by design, I figured the sheer awesome-ness alone would vault me into the quarter-finals. If so, you will have the pleasure of seeing at least one, possibly two more videos.
So here's a preview of the video I submitted, which will be judged sometime after May 31st. I assume it will win.
Also, please note the lameness of the ending of this video is strictly me pandering to the YouTube Sketchies judges.
The video is titled "Bionic Phil: Cyborg of Tomorrow"
Posted by Phil at 1:25 PM
May 29, 2007
Playaz mourn death of the great Charles Nelson Reilly
Our Memorial Day weekend got off to a rough start at the news of the death of beloved friend Charles Nelson Reilly.
A man who reached stardom through his many appearances on game shows, and his superb acting in TV show "Love, American Style" and movie classic "Cannonball Run II".
Please find an online guest book somewhere and sign your condolensces for this fine man. CNR, we will miss you.
Posted by Phil at 9:36 AM
May 25, 2007
Blowin' up cats: all the cool kids are doin' it
As a public service announcement, our most recent video "Cat-tastrophe" is being featured on the main page of Super Deluxe (along with several other less important, semi-interesting videos and shorts).
Super Deluxe is a relatively new broadband comedy channel that was launched by Turner Broadcasting (the fine folks who bring you Atlanta Braves baseball and Adult Swim).
So please stop by their site and watch our video again. And again and again. Leave a comment if you like!
Have a great weekend everyone.
(Note: The video is no longer on the main page - you can find it here or here -thanks to Super Deluxe for featuring the vid)
Posted by Phil at 9:32 AM
May 23, 2007
Booking entertainment for Playaz Ball not as easy as it sounds
A partial list of entertainers that have appeared at previous Playaz Balls:
Don Knotts
Ray Stevens
Jerry Clower
The Pope
Roy Clark
Johnny Bench
Nipsey Russell
Dolly Parton
Now, one would think entertainers would be beating down our doors to perform for us. Not necessarily so. As you can see, we only book big acts - and on rare occassions there are conflicting schedules.
Recently I attempted to book reknown stuntman Rod Kimble.
We discovered Rod through a website set up by Rod's half-brother Kevin Powell. (www.stuntmanforever.com)
To: Kevin Powell (k_powell@rodkimblestuntmanforever.com)
From: Phil Braun
Subj: Booking for Rod Kimble
Dear Kevin,
We would like to discuss booking your half-brother Rod (Kimble) for our upcoming event, "Playaz Ball". The dates are August 2nd - 5th of this year. We would welcome Rod on any of these dates. We are also prepared to offer Rod our couch to sleep on should he require an overnight stay. Possibly even a sandwich.
We would like for Rod to have a set of prepared stunts to perform for us on the date of his choosing (provided it is between Aug 2nd -5th). There will be 5 of us in attendance.
"Playaz Ball" is located at our house (on the beach) in Charleston, South Carolina.
Please let us know if Rod is available on these dates and what we can arrange.
I look forward to hearing from you Kevin (Powell).
sincerely,
Phil Braun
from: Kevin Powell (kevinpowelljams@gmail.com)
to: playazball@gmail.com
date May 23, 2007 1:37 PM
subject: Hello Phil, it's Kevin Powell from Rod Kimble's website that I set up for him!
Dear Philip,
Hello! This is Kevin Powell; Rod Kimble's brother/team manager! Thank
you very much for being interested in Rod as a stuntman and for
visiting the website. Unfortunately, Rod has an event planned for
August 3rd and will not be able to attend the "Playazball"! I wanted
to give you a short list of things that we are working on stunt-wise
and maybe that will get you pumped up for some future stunts/next
year's ball!:
ROD KIMBLE STUNTS FOR PERFORMANCE
1) 10 foot wheelie
2) 3 foot launch ramp jump over TRASH CAN (on side only)
3) 5 foot ramp jump over nothing onto landing ramp (not perfected)
4) Fire-walking (not perfected)
5) Fire-eating (not perfected)
6) Shark Manipulation*
I have discussed with Rod and he is willing to perform any of the above listed stunts even in the testing phase.
**PLEASE BE AWARE WE DO NOT HAVE INSURANCE ANY DAMAGE TO PRIVATE
PROPERTY OR TO ANY PERSONS ATTENDING THE STUNT WILL NOT BE COVERED NO
EXCEPTIONS**
Thanks again and please donate to the Frank Fund as soon as we get the link fixed!
Signed, your pal - K. Powell, (Team Manager).
* 2 foot shark only.
It is unfortunate, but these things happen. If you have any ideas for entertainment at this year's Playaz Ball, I am open to any suggestions.
Posted by Phil at 3:10 PM
May 21, 2007
Only one animal was harmed in the making of this video
I am a problem solver.
Posted by Phil at 9:28 AM
May 18, 2007
Playaz host dog fight for charity for Michael Vick
The Playaz hosted a very special charity event featuring fights to the death between dogs and other various animals to help raise money for Atlanta Falcon quarterback Michael Vick's legal defense.
"Michael Vick has been in a lot of hot water lately, so the Playaz got together to help figure out a way to assist him with all these legal battles he's been facing. We decided to put on one of his favorite activities to raise money. Dog fighting," said Bon.
The charity festival did not only feature dog-on-dog fighting, but also many varieties of animals pitted against one another in a blood sport that few have ever witnessed.
"Yes, we tried to be creative - we even pitted two housecats against a koala bear. Man those guys went at it. You wouldn't think they'd be natural enemies, but those two species really do dislike each other," Bon added.
Vick said he was thankful for the Playaz help and had a great time. He added that the dog fights were a nice "break from reality", where he could relax and forget about all his troubles.
Phil added, "we have money riding on the Falcons this year. We couldn't let our starting quarterback go to jail. Who are we going to rely on? Joey Harrington? I don't think so."
Posted by Phil at 9:35 AM
May 15, 2007
A job offer for Mr. Sheriff, Pt. II
Updated Thu. May 17 (below)
I have formally extended an offer to Mr. Sheriff to join our organization, from yesterday's post.
To: Mr. Sheriff Ahmed
From: Phil Braun
Mr. Sheriff -
Attached is our Agreement as discussed. I will have you execute it and return it to me at your earliest convenience.
We would like to pay you an "Up Front" fee in the amount of $80,000.00. However, we need some personal information in order to begin processing your information.
Please provide the following:
Name:
Age:
Date of Birth:
Residence/Address:
Bank Accounts:
Bank Account No.:
Personal ID Nos.:
Copy of Driver's License:
Mother's maiden name:
It is best to use electronic transfer of moneys to avoid U.S. Taxes.
Then, please review the attached document to begin our employ.
Thanks,
Phil P. Braun
President
Playaz, Inc.
-----------
Wed., May 16, 2007
DAER PHIL,
NOW AM TAKING MY TIME TO REPLY YOU AS NEEDED.WE ARE NOW TO CLIMB ON YOUR AGREEMENT,AND I WILL APPRECIATE YOU TO ADMITT THAT IF I ACCEPT TO AGREE WITH YOUR WISHES,YOU AS WELL WILL AGREE WITH MY WISHES SO THAT OUR AIMS WILL WORK OUT AND ACHIEVED AS YOU NEED.
UPON YOUR WELCOME TO THE ABOVE MESSAGE WILL ENABLE ME TO SUPPLY YOU WITH ALL YOUR REQUIREMENTS TODAY AND ACCORDINGLY AS STATED IN YOUR PREVIOUS MAIL.
I HOPE WHILE ACCOMPLISHING YOUR PARTS AND WISHES,AT THE SAME TIME YOU RESPOND WITH ACCOMPLISING MY OWN PARTS AND WISHES.
PLEASE BE SPECIFIC TO MY UNDERSTANDING IN AREA OF THE PAYMENT OFFER LIKE SALARY OR CONTRACT AS MY SERVICES TO JOIN YOUR ORGANIZATION IS NEEDED.
IN YOUR RESPNSE TO THIS MAIL BY SPECIFICATION AND CLARIFICATIN WILL FURTHER NO DELAY TIME TO PROCEED WITH YOU LEADING FOR POTENTIAL INVESTMENTS.AS SOON AS YOU AGREE WITH ME IN YOUR REPLY ALL YOUR REQUIREMENTS WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU IMMEDIATELY.
I AWAIT YOUR AGREEMENT AND COOPERATIVE RESPONSE IN ALL STATED ABOVE.
BEST REGARDS,
MR.SHERIFF.
To: Mr. Sheriff
From: Phil Braun
I agree to your acceptance of our mutual agreement.
All my best,
Phil
------------
May 17, 2007
Dear Phil,
Thank you for your understanding for mutual understanding.I will be coming right back to you in soonest with the suppliment of all your requirements as i don't need to be in rush for it and hoping you to cooperate with me possibly as well.While including all your requirements,I will add an attachment for identification.
Stay checking your mail soon,i will be right back to you in accord.
Your need is my supply.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff .
Posted by Phil at 8:55 AM
May 14, 2007
A job offer for Mr. Sheriff
(Update 1:25 p.m.)
It is an exciting day.
About 2 weeks ago, I began email correspondence with a gentleman by the name of Sheriff Ahmed, who offered the Playaz the lucrative investment of Gold Dust via teh internets. Naturally, we were intrigued.
I wondered to Mr. Sheriff if gold dust had the same narcotic qualities as our own comet dust, which the Playaz were infamous for discovering? Could you get high off of it?
After some language issues, Mr. Sheriff did something no other business man has done. He offered me comet dust. My own comet dust.
It was the Playaz Business Model executed to perfection, but in a way I've never seen. I had to have this man on our side. So I formally extended him an offer to join our Organization.
To: Rigo Ghana Limted
From: Phil Braun
Mr. Sheriff -
I must admit, you are some sort of financial wizard.
When I first believed you were selling Gold Dust, naturally I was intrigued. We have had great success in getting extaordiarily high off of Comet Dust, which I informed you that we discovered and control all of its existence here on Earth.
Then, you wanted to sell me Comet Dust, which we already own.
I can only come to one conclusion: to offer you a position with our organization.
We would like you, Mr. Sheriff, to come work for us.
Being a man of your stature and intelligence, we need only to know what you would require of us in the way of salary. We are prepared to pay you whatever it will take to have you run our finance/sales department.
Please respond swiftly, before your talents are recognized by another organization.
Sincerely,
Phil P. Braun
President
This morning, I received Mr. Sheriff's reply...
To: Phil Braun
Subject: AM WILLING AND READY TO WORK WITH YOU
DEAR PHIL,
IAM WELL IMPRESSED WITH YOUR REPLY TO ME.IN SINCEREITY,I APPRECIATE AND COMPLIMENT YOU AS WITH ACCUMULATED KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOM POWER TO DISCOVERED A TALENTED ONE LIKE ME SUITABLE IN A PARTICULAR POSITION RELATING MARKETING AND AS POSSIBLE I COULD SERVE AS SALES MANAGER OF ALL KINDS OF PRODUCTS.
I HEREBY GIVEN YOU A NAME VERY FIT NAME FOR FOUNDERS(A GENUISE).AS YOU MAY KNOW AM DOWN HERE ACCRA GHANA IN WEST AFRICA SO HOW POSSIBBLE ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE IT REAL WITH YOUR PERSONALITY AND TRAVEL EXPOSURE FOR ME TO MEET WITH YOU IN YOUR COUNTRY FOR MORE DETAILS,OTHER BUSINESS
DISCUSSIONS TO ACHIEVE WITH YOU AND ALSO MAKE KNOWN TO YOU MY LIFE HISTORY AND HOBBY LIKE FOR ONWARD GENERALL FINANCIAL MAKING.
WE SOUNDS THE SAME TYPE OF PERSON THAT WITH UNDERSTANDING BOTH OF US WILL JOIN HANDS TOGETHER AND MAKE MORE FINACIAL BETTER FUTURE FOR OURSELF.
I FEEL AND CAN KNOW THAT WITH YOUR TYPE OF PERSON WE CAN JOIN-TOGETHER IN BUSINESS AND MAKE TOO MUCH MONEY.AM WILLING AND EVER-READY TO WORK WITH YOU AND YOUR ORGANIZATION.
I WILL MLIKE TO MEET WITH YOU FOR FACE TO FACE DISCUSSION IN THE AREA OF WHAT I WILL REQUIRE OF YOU IN THE WAY OF SALARY.I ASSURE YOU WITH ME RUNNING THE DEPARTMENT,THE SUCCESS OF YOUR FINANCE/SALE DEPARTMENT WILL BE STEADY ACHIEVED TO YOU SATISFACTION INCLUDING THE GROWTH OF YOUR
ENTIRE ORGANIZATION IN PROGRESS.
UPON YOUR EXPECTED RESPONSE TO THIS MAIL WILL ENABLE US TO FURTHER AHEAD FOR FINANCIAL SUCCESS ACHIEVEMENTS.KINDLY INCLUDE YOUR CONTACT DETAILS,I WILL LIKE TO START SPEAKING WITH YOU FROM THIS INITIAL STAGE FOR THE PURPOSE VOICE RECOGNISION.
I AWAIT YOUR COOPERATIVE RESPONSE IN ALL ACCORD.
BEST REGARDS,
MR.SHERIFF.
--Success!!---
To: Mr. Sheriff Ahmed
From: Phil Braun
This is most excellent news, Mr. Sheriff.
I am most able to travel as I have my own personal jet - unfortunately, it is currently in use by great country singer Kenny Rogers.
However, I plan on speaking with you in haste.
In the meantime, I will be sending you some information regarding our arrangement. Please wait by your computer for my correspondence.
Sincerely,
Phil P. Braun
--------------------
To: Phil Braun
From: Sheriff Ahmed
Dear Phil,
Thanks for your prompt response and the content of your mail was quietly understood. I promise you that now and onwards as soonest. I will be checking for your mail .However expecting your information regarding the arrangement as necessary.Am now often ready by my computer waiting for your cooperative response with inclusive of your contact details.
Hoping to hear from you urgently.
Best Regards,
Mr. Sheriff.
Posted by Phil at 9:08 AM
May 10, 2007
Why is it so hard to deal with Nigerians?
Edited 9:30 p.m. - see bottom of post.
I don't understand. For every offer of inherited riches, laundered money, etc. that I receive, I find it puzzling as to why none of these people are willing to follow through with their generous offers. Perhaps I have finally found someone.
I recently received an offering of "Gold Dust" from a Mr. Sheriff Ahmed. I was extremely excited, as you would imagine, but I had some questions that needed to be answered first.
Mr. Sheriff kindly offered me "260 KGS of Alluvial Gold Dust" (in Ghana) for the low, low price of $13,800, subject to an "agreement signed by both parties". I replied:
To: Rigo Ghana Limited
From: Phil Braun
Can you get high off of it?
We discovered 'comet dust' (you may have heard) - and it is fantastic.
From: Rigo Ghana Limited
To: Phil Braun
Dear Phil Braun,
Thanks for your timely response and welcome from the workers holiday.The gold dust picture you discovered in my mail is exactly the nature of the product in offre for sale.
We are just a small local mining company that is supplying to the(PMMC)Government because they issued the certificate of this mining company to us but we have realized that after we have sold to them,they will now resell to forieners at world market price and make more money,so therefore upon this discovery our organization have decide to get the foreign customer to sell our product(gold) and established a long-term partnership with well interested ones as our price is o.k.
Your request of getting high off of the price is qualified to be considered based on the quatity you are willing to afford.
In respect of your good sound mail,kindly indicate how much is your is your maximum interest as you respond to this mail to enable us to send you the details with the Full Cooperate Offer(FCO) and memorandum of understanding.
In your response,importantly include all your contact details.
I await your response at the earliest.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
To: Rigo Ghana Limited
From: Phil Braun
So the more I buy, the higher I can get off of it? I am referring to useage of gold dust as a narcotic.
From: Rigo Ghana Limited
To: Phil Braun
Subject: Kindly Break the Explanation
Dear Phil Braun,
One thing you have to know is that when ever our organization want to establishe partnership/customer,the cost of the product(gold) become less to enable us to be getting our product steady to our customer for immediate sale and send the money to the account that will be given to him from the sellers side.
Kindly break the explanation of this your sentence to more of my understanding:( I am referring to useage of gold dust as a narcotic).
Upon your response to this mail,more informations will be given to you in detail.
I await your response at the earliest.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
To: Rigo Ghana Limited
From: Phil Braun
Mr. Sheriff -
Hopefully this will explain: when you said "gold dust", I became very excited.
See, we discovered "comet dust" - dust from the trail of a comet in space - and further discovered you can get "high" off of it.
It has great curing powers too - we cured Wilford Brimley of diabetes with comet dust (though we inadvertently (mistake) killed Don Knotts with comet dust, too).
So what I mean is, does "gold dust" have similar qualities to "comet dust"?
This link may explain comet dust further http://www.playazball.com/archives/001629.html
I look forward to your swift reply, Mr. Sheriff.
Phil
From: Rigo Ghana Limited
To: Phil Braun
Subject: IS OUR INTEREST TO KNOW THE QUANTITY YOU WILL BUY
Dear Phil,
SORRY FOR THE LITTLE DELAY IN COMMUNICATION AS YOU ARE WAITING FOR MY SWIFT REPLY and welcome from the weekend,in continuation of this dust transaction we will be glad to know the quantity you are willing to buy to enable us to send you the Full Cooperate Offer(FCO) AND THE MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING INCLUDING THE SELLERS AND BUYERS AGGREEMENT TO BE SIGNED BY YOU.
Kindly notify us the position of your occupation for it is important as the modules of our operation requires to enable us to commence the progress of the dust procedure immediately.
Upon your notification of the quantity you are willing to afford will help us to work out the low cost price for you.
I await your response at the earliest.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
To: Rigo Ghana Limited
From: Phil Braun
Mr. Sheriff,
Thank you for your response. I will grant you the information that you seek.
My occupation is "Playa": I am a Gentleman of Leisure. This should enable you to allow your modules to commence the progress of me getting high as a kite off of your Gold dust.
I am willing for you to afford me as much dust as you have in your possession. Please mail it to me at your earliest convenience.
Phil P. Braun
To: Phil Braun
From: Rigo Ghana Limited
Dear Phil,Thanks for your prompt response,i will attend and respond to you as a good customer to become hence you have indicated your maximum interest to afford as much dust as we have in our organization possession.
Please keep checking your mail box as it will take me some moment to work out the price and send to you through email attachment.To be therein are FULL COOPERATE OFFER (FCO),MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING(MEMO) AND SELLERS AND BUYERS AGREEMENT FOR YOU TO SIGN THE RELEVANT PARTS OF THE DUST DOCUMENT PROVES AND SEND BACK TO US IMMEDIATELY TO ENABLE US TO COMMENCE ON THE DUST FOR DELIVERY.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
I cannot wait for the Dust.
--------------------------
Hold on. What is this man trying to pull!? I just received the following email:
To: Phil Braun
From: Rigo Ghana Limited
Dear Phil,
Am very sorry the way put the name only(dust) instead of the comet dust in detail.Please don't misunderstand me,i hereby to quote the product exactly by the full name(COMET DUST)in respect of on ward transaction of this product(COMET DUST).
Am aproaching to conclude to work out the price high of it before this your list mail,surely tomorrow you will receive it with other following documents backing the entire sale/transaction of the product.
In your response, please include your full contact details direct telephone and fax numbers, your complete physical house address.This is very important.
Your earliest response would be appreciated. Upon your response to this mail, it will enable me to send to you tomorrow he price high of it and other relevant documents backing the sale of the product.Your reply with all the requests will add to fetch both of us a good customer and long-term partnership of the product(COMET DUST).
I await your swift response.
PLEASE KINDLY FOLLOW THE STEPS AND INSTRUCTIONS ABOVE ON HOW TO PROCEED.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff .
He is trying to sell us....COMET DUST....?...WE DISCOVERED COMET DUST!!!!!1!
I am debating about how to respond. I need some 'cooling down' time...
Posted by Phil at 9:31 PM
May 9, 2007
Queen Elizabeth tours Playaz' compound before returning to U.K.
Queen Elizabeth II took a private tour of the Playaz compound in South Carolina before returning to Buckingham Palace. The Queen has been visiting the States and was adamant about visiting with the Playaz at their secluded Headquarters as part of her visit.
Dian Parkinson escorts the Queen onto the Playaz compound
The Queen received and personal escort from the Playaz, who showed her their underground bunker which houses their armory of weapons, and even took the Queen for a stroll through their fortress that fronts the beach. It is believed that very few citizens outside the Playaz' circle have ever had such an upclose look at the Playaz secret lair - The Pope being the most notable to attend last year's Playaz Ball.
Guv'na shows the Queen the Playaz selection of weapons
Phil and the Queen exit the rear fortress that surrounds the Playaz Headquarters
The Playaz also gave the Queen a tour of Bon's Cat Testicle Factory, and later joined the Queen at the Kentucky Derby, where they betted on which of the ponies would be the next to wind up in their glue/dog food factory.
Posted by Phil at 9:35 AM
May 6, 2007
Hello, websites and internet friends!
My foray into "webcam" videos - as friend Jett Loe likes to say, we have a "commitment to reality" here, and in this video I give you a quick glimpse at a couple of the things you might have noticed in the Manpoo commercial.
About 2:00 of explanation, and about 1:30 of me saying "ummmm".
Posted by Phil at 5:32 PM
May 4, 2007
The Earth; In good hands
Always working to enhance the human experience here on Earth (hint: The Earth belongs to us! Do whatever you want!)
Also, on May 15th, the Playaz are letting everyone know that it is designated to be a National "Gas Up!" Day. Fill up your vehicles until gas spills out the top! Fill your lawn mowers, leaf blowers, chain saws, and run them on that day! Fill empty containers and allow the gas to evaporate out of them, just to show the terrorists who's boss!
Category:
Bon vs. Nature
Posted by Phil at 10:35 AM
May 2, 2007
Clinton, Wayne announce plan for diplomatic Sex Tour in 2007
Following the recent democratic debates near the Playaz camp in Orangeburg, South Carolina, former President Bill Clinton and Wayne revealed their plan to embark on a global Sex Tour, beginning in the early summer this year.
President Clinton called the Playaz to discuss ideas on how to heal rifts between our nation and other foreign countries that have arisen over the last several years. After 3 minutes, it was decided that having sex with every woman around the world between the ages of 18 and 49 would be the best diplomatic solution to regaining the trust and establishing good relations between the U.S. and the world.
"Wayne and I will depart on our 'Envoy of Love' beginning in June, and we will go and go and go, and we won't stop unitl the job is done," Clinton said to reporters. "As my promise to you, we will make love to every able-bodied woman, provided she is of legal age, in order to re-connect with the world via this marvelous diplomatic strategy," he added.
While Clinton intends to leverage the duo's lovemaking to harvest feelings of good-will for the betterment of the nation, Wayne intends to use this newfound diplomacy mission as a way to negotiate for money, jewels, and furs on behalf of the Playaz.
Their first scheduled stop will be in Stockport, England to visit modeling twins Eve and Emma Ryan.
Posted by Phil at 8:54 AM