November 16, 2009
Good things come in brown paper packages
I spied it from across the room. This envelope perched next to stacks of other forgettable mail....catalogs, bills, collection notices, etc....poised in such a way as to make me notice it. I had hoped it was my copy of the french classic, "Secretaries sans culottes", but no, this was something else. I recognized the return address. Yes, I had been to this place before.
But how did he get my address? Oh, yes. He's been in our mainframe computer. Damn him!
So what in the blue-blazes is it? Since it could certainly be nothing good (cash, narcotics, pornography) I was extremely fearful.
But on the other hand, I am not a very disciplined person, and was determined to find out what was inside.
My special gloves that I typically wear when producing crystal methamphetamine should do the trick.
Anthrax? Nah, too "2001" . He probably had the swine flu and coughed into the envelope before sealing and mailing his sickness straight to my door.
I figured I would run the mystery package through it's paces, subjecting it to lysol disinfectant, tossing it into ceiling fans then ducking, throwing it against a tree, allowing the neighbor dog to sniff it and see if it either dies or tucks its tail between its legs, and even microwaving it.
Ultimately, I decided only one thing to do. Open it.
"Hello! First off, please read the final Throwing Hammers blog post....."
The final Throwing Hammers blog post.....
It's over! The Playaz are victorious! We have outlasted the man. And look, he even signed his name! Probably not his real name...I mean, I wouldn't want anyone to know it was really me who was subjected to the humiliating defeat at the hands of Playaz Ball.
But, I am not without an honorable side. I am, after all, a "gentleman of leisure", and that includes the word "gentleman".
This blog was, for all its faults, not without merit. Often thoughtful (I could rarely understand most of it), often humorous, and very, very lyrical. Like a song, that went on...and on...and on.
I can't help feeling that this is not the last of us. That we will meet again someday.
However, my immediate danger has passed. And there appear to be some CDs enclosed....hmmm....perhaps this is my copy of "Secretaries without culottes", just very discreetly packaged. Either way, be sure and visit Throwing Hammers, if anything to gloat that it is no more. And these words enclosed will find their proper place.
Though I will not forget them. No, I feel I will not forget them.
Posted by Phil at 9:23 AM
July 24, 2008
Phil kill
Back to business. We are currently training in China, preparing for our upcoming Blog War.
Then, we disembark to Playaz Ball 2008, only 4 short weeks away.
Posted by Phil at 4:31 PM
June 29, 2008
Trailer #2
Posted by Phil at 9:47 PM
November 16, 2005
Blog Wars, continued....
When we last left the Playaz, they were raining down on Washington D.C. from the District's rooftops, attempting to locate the sinister Travis, who had launched a missile with an unknown trajectory, and clearing out anyone who stood in their path.
Present-day: The Playaz are closing in! Travis's suspected "#2" man is cornered and the Playaz believe they know his location. High in the mountains of Virginia, where anyone can disappear, the Playaz climb the icy snowcapped peaks to apprehend this villain...
Trapped! The Playaz have found their man! "#2" is pulled out of his 'spider-hole' to reveal....
Just as the Playaz suspected! A Unique Alias, Travis's purported "#2" man! He is dissheveled after living in squalor for the past 3 days, surviving on cigarettes and foliage.
"Where is the missile headed!?!", the Guv'na shouts at the disoriented AUA. Silence.
After hours of interrogation and beatings, and a little mocking of AUA's genitals, AUA speaks. "I don't know! I swear!!" AUA exclaims. "Take us to him!" the Playaz demand. Finally, exhausted and hungry, AUA agrees to lead them to Travis's hideout.
I repel down the side of the mountian with our captive.
Is A Unique Alias telling the truth? Will he lead the Playaz to Travis? Where will the missile hit??
Posted by Phil at 7:55 PM
November 15, 2005
Blog Wars II - Revenge of the Playaz
Rev. 9:3-5
3 Then from the smoke came locusts on the earth, and the Playaz were given power like the power of scorpions of the earth; 4 they were told not to harm the grass of the earth or any green growth or any tree, but only those of mankind who have not the seal of the Playaz upon their foreheads; 5 they were allowed to torture them for five months, but not to kill them, and their torture was like the torture of a scorpion, when it stings a man.
An apparent attack on the Playaz has been made by a certain disgruntled blogger, and so, war has begun, and the fury of the Playaz with it.
While the Playaz wish for peace, we must sometimes do what we must to defend ourselves. Despite the split decision in our recent contest, the Playaz stand united when attacked.
As of 21:00 hours, the Playaz departed on an unmarked civilian plane for Washington D.C., so as not to be detected, as the Playaz Jet surely would be upon entering the Capitol's airspace.
As you can see, I have 'readied' myself for the jump before us. There will be no need for parachutes now as we descend upon Washington as a plague of locusts.
Shirtless, high on cocaine, and poised to attack from high atop the National Archives building, I make the call summoning the Playaz to strike.
Wayne is close to infiltrating the Jefferson Memorial, where the missle was launched.
With the Playaz' top secret documents and artifacts kept safely secured in an underground lair, deep below the surface of the undisclosed location of Playaz' Headquarters, the Playaz possessions are protected from the potential missile strike launched by this devious mastermind.
Beware, Travis...the Playaz are coming, and we are bringing Hell with us. Surrender now, for the greater good, lest there be further casualties.
Posted by Phil at 9:20 PM