September 12, 2005

"The pimps and the whores, Phil"

I've debated about whether or not to blog about this, but it is simply too good not to.

Since Playaz Ball's inception, we've seen a wide array of visitors from all walks of life visit our website. As our families and friends began to discover the site, we've tapped into feelings of both humor and humiliation. Some get it, some don't. Those that don't, it's not easy to explain what a grown man is doing wearing a turtleneck and a mustache on a website.

Regardless, you can rest assured the Playaz are behind the site 100%,
and are willing to sink to any level of humiliation to keep it going.
But I digress.

This story revolves around my mom, who has absolutely no knowledge of
the internet or it's workings. Never owned an email account and has
never even so much as turned on a computer before.

Not long after we returned from Playaz Ball, my mom comes over to watch the girls while my wife is at work and I had somewhere to go. Right away I could tell something was wrong from the tone of the first
sentence she spoke to me.

Mom: (Bon's mom) saw your website the other day...
Me: Oh, yeah? (waiting for the other shoe to drop)
Mom: You better take that site down right away.
Me: What? Why?
Mom: (Dramatic pause) The 'pimps' and the 'whores', Phil!?
Me: What??
Mom: Your girls are on that website! You better take it down right now.
I mean it!
Me: What in the world are you talking about??
Mom: Just what I said! Pimps and whores!
Me: (incredulous) Have you even seen our site?
Mom: No...
Me: Then you have no idea what you are talking about! First of all, I
have no idea where that came from. In fact, I don't think the word
"pimp" or "whore" is anywhere on my site! (it is now!) Where in the world did you get that from? (after
reflection, I can only assume Bon's mom described us as 'dressed like
pimps' or something to that effect, and my mom took the ball and ran
from there)
Mom: Do you know who has visited your site?! (her voice is rising at
this point)
Me: Lots of people.
Mom: The F.B.I., Phil!
Me: (Laughing)..Yes, in fact 'they' have.
Mom: You are going to be in a lot of trouble!
Me: No, I'm not.
Mom: They are watching your site, and you had better take it down!
Me: Let me explain something. Again, I don't know where all of this is
coming from. Also, the so-called "FBI" is probably something (Bon's
mom) saw on my site tracking software (I
assumed I had left my 'sitemeter' logged in at Playaz Ball, thus
allowing Bon's mom or siblings to access and view the site's visitors),
which I am well aware of. Our site is quite popular among
Washingtonians, and I get visitors from all over the place. I've had
visitors who work in the Pentagon visit the site. The U.S. Navy. Every
beaureau you can think of. If you had ever once seen the site, you
would know immediately that no one would look at this site and take it
seriously. Not to mention, there is nothing for them to "investigate".
In fact, I would love it if the F.B.I. were investigating Playaz Ball.
Mom: I just know that there are key words that you can have on your
site that they use to get you.
Me: And how are they going to "get me"?
Mom: The Google, Phil....
Me: The what?
Mom: The Google.
Me: ......The Google.....Well, I guess that's it, then. And what
exactly are they going to find on "the google" that is going to bring
them to investigate Playaz Ball?
Mom: It just bothers me that your girls are on that website.
Me: (exasperated) Mom, unless you have actually looked at the site
yourself, you have no basis to say any of these things. The site is
supposed to be funny. It's obvious. It is pretty clean. I don't even
use curse words or anything.
Mom: Well, okay. (she's still not satisfied, I can tell, but she drops
the subject)
Anway, you can see what fame and celebrity has done to this Playaz' life. It is the price you pay, I guess. Hopefully the next time I post I won't be sitting in a jail cell, guilty of wearing polyester slacks in the summer time, or what-have-you. And look out for The Google. It will get you.

Posted by Phil at 5:00 PM | Comments (34)