February 20, 2007
Posted by Phil at 8:45 AM
February 6, 2007
Comet Dust sends astronaut into bizarre love triangle arrest*
You may remember the previous effects that comet dust has had on the lady astronauts.
Well, it appears the comet dust was just too much for yet another female astronaut, Lisa Nowak, who is now under arrest for attempted kidnapping and attempted murder (we aren't sure, but perhaps Ms. Nowak wanted to kill either Captains Kenny Rogers or Larry Holmes, or both, both of whom head the Playaz' space missions?).
The evidence Ms. Nowak was under the influence of comet dust include the following highlights from her arrest. You be the judge:
When an officer found Nowak at a bus stop, she was wearing a different coat, and the officer observed her putting items in a trash can, the police report said. The officer retrieved a wig and a BB gun from the trash can, the report said.
Police found in Nowak's bag a tan trench coat, a new steel mallet, a folding knife with a 4-inch blade, 3 to 4 feet of rubber tubing, large plastic garbage bags and about $600 in cash, the report said.
Nowak acknowledged details of the allegations, according to police, and allowed officers to search her car. There, police found diapers, six latex gloves, directions from Houston to Orlando International Airport, e-mails from the Playaz, a letter indicating how much she loved Kenny and directions to Larry Holmes's home address.
Nowak wore a diaper during the 14-hour drive so that she wouldn't have to stop for bathroom breaks, the report said. Astronauts wear what NASA calls maximum-absorbency garments to collect their waste during space travel.
Sounds exactly like what anyone would do following a 3 day comet dust binge.
Oh....and wearing a diaper so you don't have to stop to go to the bathroom? Now that's dedication, ladies.
*love triangle may or may not include Michael Jordan
Posted by Phil at 2:13 PM
May 31, 2006
Tac administers comet dust-laced shake to Pat Robertson, giving him 'strength of a full-grown Clydesdale'
Tac proclaims comet dust gave "700 Club" host Pat Robertson the strength of a raging Clydesdale horse capable of leg pressing 2,000 lbs.
A magic shake, containing protein, flaxseed oil, and enough comet dust to cause a 73 year old man to smash through a brick wall, gave Robertson the strength to achieve the age-defying feat.
Tac has cured Wilford Brimley of diabetes with comet dust. Comet dust was also involved in the tragic death of Don Knotts.
Posted by Phil at 2:36 PM
March 1, 2006
Playaz cure Wilford Brimley of the diabetes
Wilford Brimley has been cured of his diabetes thanks to the Playaz and the wonders of Comet Dust.
Brimley approached the Playaz recently in an effort to curb the onset of diabetes. After a thorough examination by Dr. Tac, it was determined that comet dust would be the best thing to cure what ails Mr. Brimley.
Brimley has reportedly stopped taking all other medications previously prescribed to him, including his insulin shots, and has terminated his contract and membership with Liberty Mutual.
The Playaz present Wilford Brimley with a 12 month supply of comet dust
"This here comet dust is gonna get rid of my damned dy-a-beet-us," Brimley was quoted as saying.
The Playaz admit that comet dust has not gone through any testing with the Food & Drug Administraion, but believe in its powerful healing effects as a "cure-all" for most any ailment.
"We are confident that with the just the right dosage of comet dust every day, Mr. Brimley will be alive for many, many years to come," said a statement released by the Playaz. "As far as we're concerned, Mr. Brimley is cured and will have no further effects of the disease thanks to Comet Dust."
Posted by Phil at 9:03 AM
February 22, 2006
Tac accused of smuggling comet dust to China inside cat
Chinese authorities arrested Tac for attempting to smuggle into their country approximately 33 pounds of comet dust inside of a cat.
A local newscast picked up on the story and released footage of the cat along with an incriminating photo of Tac holding the comet dust-packed feline that was shown on the Chinese television network CCTV.
Wayne released a statement on Tac's behalf saying that the cat was actually being given to the Chinese to be eaten, not to smuggle in the highly addictive narcotic the Playaz' discovered in outer space. Wayne also stated that the comet dust found inside the cat must have been consumed by the cat itself, with Tac and the Playaz unaware. "We just thought the cat had a bit of a weight problem, and we know how much the Chinese like to eat cats, so we thought we'd sell it to them and make a tidy profit, since we obtained the cat originally for free," said Wayne.
Posted by Phil at 8:55 AM
January 18, 2006
Ask Dr. Tac: Comet Dust
1. Tac, can you explain to us the benefits of comet dust versus some of the other "street drugs" out there today?
"Comet dust goes undetected by drug sniffing dogs, work place drug screens, etc."
2. Have you discovered the best way to use/ingest comet dust?
"Currently, the best way to ingest comet dust is to allow the dust to be absorbed in the body by placing the dust under the tongue."
3. Is comet dust addictive?
"Absolutely, both mentally and physically."
4. Can one overdose on comet dust?
"No, not really!"
5. What kind of 'high' does one get from comet dust?
"I would compare the high to an opiate based drug high. Very relaxing with no hang over."
Posted by Phil at 8:58 AM
January 16, 2006
NASA space capsule returns to Earth, accomplishes Playaz plan to get high on comet dust
As the first phase of their secret space mission is complete, the Playaz celebrated the return of their un-manned spacecraft "Stardust", after the Playaz' discovery that one can get high on comet dust.
Considered very rare, the NASA capsule collected the comet dust over a course of seven years and billions of miles. The capsule touched down in the desert salt flats yesterday to cheers and jubilation at the Playaz' jet propulsion laboratory, speculating that they had obtained several hundred kilos of comet dust. The Playaz announced a massive party would ensue at their place later that evening.
Tac celebrates with Kenny Rogers upon hearing the news that they had obtained roughly 250 kilos of comet dust, expected to have a 'street value' of roughly $100 - $150 million dollars
The Guv'na explains to the press the scientific importance of this mission. According to Guv'na, comet dust would "blow their minds", and that they plan future manned-missions to space to obtain even more comet dust when this supply runs out. Guv'na added the sales of the current cargo would likely fund the Playaz lifestyle for several more years
Larry Holmes & NASA scientists carefully gather the comet dust collected by the spacecraft, and package it for re-sale.
Posted by Phil at 9:41 PM