September 10, 2007
How does the day find Larry Holmes?
DEAR PHIL,
ONCE MORE AGAIN TO YOUR NOTICE ,AM HIGHLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.HOWEVER YOU TAKE MY BUSINESS WISE AND PERFECT FOR GRANTED AND CHIULDS PLAY.
REMEMNBER ALL MY SUGGESTION TO YOU ON HOW TO PUT AWAY A MESS CAUSED BY A PERSON WHEN YOU HAD A BUSINESS SECRET REVIEWD BY ONE OF YOUR NEW EMPLOYEE.
FOR YOUR INFORMASTION AM TOO MUCH BIG FOR SUCH CHARACTERISTICS OF YOUR AS A VAGABON,BADGER AND EDUCATED ILLITRATE.
BE INFORMED,BASICALLY ON THE HIGHT OF MY WISDOM I NOTICE THAT MR.MIKE HAS TAKEN YOU TO OUR AFRICAN LENGHT OF SWEARING ORTH AGREEMENT IN ABIDE WITH HIM AND HIS ASSOCIATES AND NO MORE WITH ME.
HOW THE DAY FINDS WITH LARRY HOLMES? AND HOW MUCH IS HIS INTEREST REGARDING TO SEE ME.
HOW IS THE SITUATION WITH HARRY POTTERS AND HIS CONDITION IN POSITION?AS YOU CAN IMAGINE HARRY POTERS IS SOME ONE WHEN AM WITH YOU AND WE COMMUNICATE WITH HIM WE WILL ACHIEVE ALL NECESSARY THINGS OF THIS WORLD.
AM LOOKING FORWARD FOR YOUR MAIL REPLY AT THE SWIFTEST.
BEST REGARDS.
MR.SHERIFF
Posted by Phil at 3:54 PM | Comments (14)
August 7, 2007
From the Financial Wizard
To: Mr. Sheriff
From: Phil Braun
We have just broken free from the clutches of Chris Hansen, who swarmed around us like an angry hornet for a fortnight. Fortnately, we were able to plant the cocaine at his NBC Studios out of the watchful eyes of his cameras, as you suggested.
We have sent our counsel Wayne to your country to clear the air. He should have arrived at your airport.
Phil
To: Phil Braun
From: Sheriff Ahmed
Subject: FROM THE FINANCIAL WIZARD
Dear Phil,
Thanks for calling my business interested attention and the good news therein.You are now victorious by breaking the clutches of Chris Hansen.
however your mail indicated that you have sent Wayne as delegate representative/councel down here yesterday been Sunday to come and clear the air or in a plain language to see me( Mr.Sheriff Ahmed) in person as th one to work with you perfectly for too much money,because as a G niggers too much more money are for us.
Kindly give me the number to contact him immediately and urgently in the hotel and also include the hotel name and the room number or his extension number.
Now believe me the financial wizard,cash success is achieved,however there are many more financial access to open up.
I await your swift response now.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
(2 DAYS LATER)
Dear Phil,
I hope Mr.Wayne is presently down here.so what is delaying again from your cooperation with me to go and see him for the entire business discussion,however i requested the best means and access to go and meet with him for discussion of one and one to put business upward in practical.
I don't believe in delay for it id denial and not fact of the matter.Wise saying says,seeing is believing.
I await your swift response at the earliest.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
To: Mr. Sheriff
From: Phil Braun
Mr Sheriff -
I am sorry. I have been unconscious as last evening was "Huff Night" at Playaz Ball - a yearly festival of paint huffing that the Playaz partake in.
Wayne is at the Golden Tulip hotel in Accra. Unfortunately, Wayne's Motorola briefcase telephone does not seem to work in your country. Here is his photo if you wish to seek out his presence.
Phil
Dear Phil,
Thanks for given me the sincere informations regarding the arrival of Mr.wayne in Accra here,however lodging at the Golden Tulip hotel,am seriously wishing to seek out his presence.I have seen his photo pictire
Accordingly Kindly provide me his room number and the Golden Tulip hotel number,it will be more well and best for you
to ask the room number and the hotel number from him at this very moment to enable us to commence money making business meeting immediately,seeing and comfirming your delegate person( Mr.Wayne)will make me believing, and proof
you honest and real regarding all our too much money making correspondences.
I expect the needed hotel infos to meet with Mr.Wayne immediately.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
------
Dear Phil,
Your mail response does not speak to me the fact. I have been to the Golden Tulip hotel yesterday and was very serious to meet with Mr.Wayne, however when approach the receptionist and made them know that am after Mr. Wayne then they take their time to go through their computer for such name but they did not found any name like Wayne and they proceed in asking me the country he came from and the company that sent him, then I respond that he came from America and was sent by an INCOPORATION ORGANIZATION, thereafter they ask me to contact the person through any communication means to ask him the name he used to lodge in the hotel to enable make the situation easy for me to see him, if actually he is in the hotel.
So in this matter you have to act immediately regarding the easy and available means to see him. Now that he is in the hotel there is no available link or access for me to meet with him because he lodged in the Golden Tulip Hotel with another name.
Kindly provide me with his new name in the Golden Tulip Hotel, hotel room number and the hotel room phone number to easy and enable me to meet with him today as his Motorola briefcase telephone does not seem to work in Ghana. Definitely as one of the honorable hotel in Accra, they are update with hotel facilities and numbers to connect to any of their hotel rooms.
Take this from me having a meeting, putting a challenge or business trial is a point of tracking financial success. Give to me proof motivations and you will realize my sensible success in progress.
I expect the needed hotel links to meet with Mr. Wayne immediately.
Best Regards,
Mr. Sheriff.
Posted by Phil at 10:42 AM | Comments (12)
August 1, 2007
Dear Phil,
Is a big pain and bitter feelings to me that you take my special and unique business wise for granted because i call it a real and fact business to begin with you.
Listen and listen carefully iam a business and deal master and king.I run things,things don't run me.I understand from business perspectives that you have concluded to have my position in you company with Mr.Mike.
I asure you that if mike can even provide to you all your requirements he can not control or pilot business deal successfully than me to earn too much money out it.
Do you have any good news for me regarding to work with you?
Am highly disappointed in you because you let me loose focus and big ambitions.since two weeks now am not in a happy mood at all because of the condition you have putting me.
Am a first grade client catcher in any business deal and i will follow it up to perfect end.
I await your earliest response.
Bset Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
Posted by Phil at 10:34 AM | Comments (14)
July 8, 2007
The Playaz & Mr. Sheriff plot ways to kill NBC's Chris Hansen (or possibly frame him for rape)
Updated July 8, 2007
The day arrived when we received the much anticipated essay we asked of Mr. Sheriff as a prerequisite to his hiring. Mr. Sheriff wrote the following:
To: Phil Braun
From: Sheriff Ahmed
Subject: (BRIEF ESSAY) Larry Holmes, U.S. Heavyweight boxing champion
Larry Holmes
He was born November 3, 1949; Cuthbert, Georgia, U.S. byname the Easton Assassin American heavyweight boxing champion of the late 1970s and early '80s who was known for his solid defense. Holmes, a street fighter in his youth, entered organized boxing at a youth centre in Easton, Pennsylvania. He won 19 fights out of 22 as heavyweight champion and several titles before turning professional at age 24. In the mid-1970s he was a sparring partner for both competing. He has been known to be the heavyweight champion from mid-1970s to early 80s and in the position of the World Boxing Council champion. Holmes was the snarling black champion, unbeaten but unloved.
Three of his rich comments involved: Let's have a good fight, give me 10 black guys and I make eight dollars and Give me Gerry Cooney and I make $10 million. He defends his heavyweight title against the big-punching Cooney in the richest fight of its time, 25 years ago on a blisteringly hot night in Las Vegas. Holmes won 19 of 23 amateur bouts before turning professional. From 1973 to 1978 Holmes won 28 consecutive bouts, culminating in a victory over the reigning champion.
Is after one of Holmes fight that the Boxing tradition dictates that the champion is always introduced last. Recently, Holmes and Cooney remember fight that divided America, though the two laughs about it today and also together for lunch and a photo shoot commemorating the 25th anniversary of the fight.
Holmes, meanwhile, lives in his hometown of Easton, Pa., and has finally come to peace with himself over a long career which he felt was never fully appreciated by boxing fans.
To: Mr. Sheriff
From: Phil Braun
Mr. Sheriff,
This is a very good essay.
I have read it aloud to Mr. Holmes and he was moved to tears by your sincerity.
Would it be possible for you to execute the contract and forward it to us?
Thank you for your diligent efforts.
Phil
To: Phil Braun
From: Sheriff Ahmed
Subject: Re: PRACTICAL,COOPERATION AND EFFECTIVE ACTIONS NEEDED FROM YOU URGENTLY
Dear Phil,
Thanks for your honest mail response regarding the essay. Remember in one of my previous mail to you, I made it known to you that I have since executed the contract ready down waiting for your cooperation as a matter of one at a time, and your requirements has been given to you.
As you may know it has been long we started exchanging of email communications but never arrived at holding grounds for work together as partners which require more of your go ahead and co-operations on my behalf. However seeing is believing, I hope within this days to see the fact of this matter/employment by you updating me with the soonest situation of both of us meeting together for real so that our communication will not look like child's play.
Now i need you to tell me your plans and how well you have gone to work out for my arrival?
Be it known to you that are business wise for me to have your personal phone number in respect to speak with you as a reason of important fact.
Regarding the requirements you asked from me, I hope you received it all previously in good condition as is the necessary informations you needed to proceed with for my arrival.
I don't expect us to continue with this way of mail responses any longer and at least phone talk must involved followed by immediate action of your steps to fetch us together as required. Hope you know, am a practical man.
Am looking forward to be seeing effective steps and actions from you immediately so that things will be matured and become real not just for saying sake.
In your response for further correspondences, kindly include your contact number for it is highly important now to enable me forward the contract agreement tomorrow.
I await your real and physical effective cooperation.
Best Regards,
Mr. Sheriff.
This seemed reasonable to me, although trouble was brewing over at Playaz, Inc....I sent the following in reply...
To: Mr. Sheriff
From: Phil Braun
That is most practical and effective.
Please, though, give me a bit of patience at this time as an urgent matter has come up that must be addressed, then I will get with you most hastily.
Phil
----------
To: Mr. Sheriff
From: Phil Braun
Subject: URGENT AND IMPORTANT
Mr. Sheriff - Thank you for your patience.
We have had a series of unfortunate events befall us. Recently, our organization was celebrating America's Independence Day Holiday, and one of our important staffers inadvertently blew off 9 of his fingers in a "fireworks" accident. As this particular person was our best typist, we needed to hire someone to fill his spot immediately.
As is turns out, we hired a gentleman - who goes by the name of Chris Hansen - and as we have discovered, he is the Host of Dateline NBC. He has turned against our organization and has contacted federal authorities to investigate our business, and is demanding the names and information of all of our contacts. This includes you, Mr. Sheriff. I am sending you this email in secret, to warn you that this Chris Hansen has the favor of both our U.S. governments and foreign governments and means to investigate everyone. We have withheld your information from Mr. Hansen, but we do not know how much longer we can hold out with his brutal tactics.
If you have the means to kill this Chris Hansen, I suggest you look into it.
Because Mr. Hansen has already brought television cameras out from behind the curtains set up in our offices to reveal our identities to the world, we may be held liable for any harm coming to Mr. Hansen (it was our fault, admittedly, for not noticing he installed curtains in our offices shortly after we hired him...nor did we notice the TV spotlights). Therefore, we are forced to abide by his bidding until we figure a way out of this mess.
I am terribly sorry for this inconvenience - I hope you are able to escape the wrath of Dateline NBC.
We would hope you will please still consider our arrangement at a future date - we will send you an invoice for your salary.
Sincerely,
Phil Braun
Despite this setback, Mr. Sheriff, being the man of ideas, was not in the least bit deterred, and has a few suggestions of his own on how to handle this "Chris Hansen" problem (I knew we desired to hire this man for a reason):
To: Phil Braun
From: Sheriff Ahmed
Subject: AM HUNGRY FOR YOUR BUSINESS
Dear Phil,
After reading your mail i was not happy because this accident has caused you to hire some one all of a sudden in which your personality could land in question but not with standing is a whole pitty and sorry for the secondary inconveniences this Chris Hansen has brought to you,actually i never haerd about him and i don't want to know,therefore i suggest this below to silence him by gov't authorities:
1)Go to the nearest police station arround you and make complain that this Chris Hansen has treathen you to death with offensive weapon,so you the police to intervene to avoid you loosing your life because is an expensive matter.
2)You can arrange with with any available harden hearted girl to report to the police that so called Chris Hansen has proposed her to bed in a hotel that he is coming to spend time with her but for past two hour he did not show up,whilw she checked out of the hotel she saw Chris Hansen groven in drive with another girl so therfore he has caused my time which is too much money wasted. 3) or he has raped a girl. 4)You can solidly arrange and plot cocain in his house or wherever he is involed and inform the police for immediate arrest.
In all the suggestion make sure that you attached a legal practictioner/lawyer.
endeavour to update me with any other latest developement regarding me working with you and also your next action to silence Chris Hansen in police or prison custody.
Based on the situation around you now let us suspend the phone communication as confidential and top secrecy is required for our business unity.Make sure that you limit you external interactions with other people and remain in anti thinking to conquer Chris Hansen.I tender my mutual understanding for you.
Am hungry to be with you for business,and hope to hear good news soonest that your business situation and the condition is back to strong firm.
Best Regards,
Mr. Sheriff.
To: Sheriff Ahmed
From: Phil Braun
Mr. Sheriff -
You have offered us several excellent suggestions. This is why we desire you.
We will remain in secret communications temporarily while we "handle" the situation and return to you at the earliest of either 1) Chris Hansen's disappearance 2) Chris Hansen's death or 3) Chris Hansen's imprisonment.
Thank you,
Phil Braun
To: Phil Braun
From: Sheriff Ahmed
Dear Phil,
Hoping you to update me with any situation you are you are proceessing at any given time and soonest,however hoping your inconveniences to be solved by any solution that is perfect for it.
anticipating your progress updating to work with you as desirable one.
I still keep in wait for your real and physical effective cooperation.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
Posted by Phil at 9:21 PM | Comments (23)
June 19, 2007
An email I did not expect
UPDATE: 6/19/07; 1:45 p.m.
(Note: you may read all correspondence related to this post in the "Mr. Sheriff Chronicles")
When we left off yesterday, the information that a third party was now trying to sidle up to the Playaz had left Mr. Sheriff extremely concerned. So concerned that I thought our new friend Mr. Mike would not live to see the dawn.
Then I received a very unexpected email (second note - there is a word in this email...a highly offensive one...that was used, and in a context I don't even fully understand. I have debated and debated about removing it completely, but in the end decided to leave it as it was written to me. I did slightly edit the word just because it nearly knocked me over when I read it, and I just don't want it staring me in the face - so, without further adieu):
To: Phil Braun
From: Michael Teigaga
Dear Sir,
I want you to invite one Sheriff Ahmed to your email communication because I trust him very much in his part of dealing with clients. He is perfect in catching clients in which to obtain or get good money from them.
Believe you me that we are connection business G.n*ggers/merchants; we are good in making money from legitimate businesses and at the same time perfect in taking money from O.B.T businesses, and most of the time move for pleasure and grooving activities.
Invite Mr. Sheriff to join me in working with you, I assure you that upon his invitation to work in your company, success and too much money must be for us always.
Mr. Sheriff is very good and perfect in catching clients through the internet. Please make sure to reach him through his private mail address (sahmed.gh024@yahoo.com), However his involvement in your company attached with me is a necessity for the growth of your company financially.
Please contact him through his private mail address (sahmed.gh024@yahoo.com) then you will notice his convincing power and strong in catching and maintaining clients to the extent of taking monies from them till the clients becomes no financial job. Enclose attached is my international Drivers Permit once more again.I will wait for your response and please keep this information to your self.
Sincerely,
Michael Teigaga
Tel: +2332466107
Mr. Teigaga's grasp of the English language aside, I found his invitation of Mr. Sheriff to the conversation baffling. Sworn enemies now friends? Did Mr. Sheriff put him up to it? Is Mr. Sheriff's "new" personal email address another ploy to cut out Mr. Sheriff completely?
As a man of honor, I decided to let Mr. Sheriff know about these latest developments (and to hopefully spur him to work on his required essay):
To: Sheriff Ahmed
From Phil Braun
Subj: Our "friend" has contacted me again
In case you were unaware, Mr. Teigaga has contacted me again - this time, wanting to include you in the correspondance. I do not know if this is a joke or not, but I wanted to alert you to this potential progress barrier.
I do not have the money to hire two employees: only one. Thus, I wanted to see how dedicated one would be by writing a brief report on important men Kenny Rogers, Larry Holmes, or Conway Twitty - men important to our organization.
I have just closed a large Dust transaction and now have $80,000.00 in my account.
If I receive the report I desire, our understanding will be complete.
My best to you Mr. Sheriff
Phil Braun
I have also instructed Mr. Teigaga to write a report as well. Just in case.
-------------------------------
New email received:
To: Phil Braun
From: Sheriff Ahmed
Dear Phil,
Wow…………………………………..
Well I don't have any thing to say now regarding what Mr. Mike requested of me until I finish with the essay.This is to let you know that am taking my time to write down the essay, and will get back to you at the soonest. So kindly be in expectation of the essay.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
Posted by Phil at 9:02 AM | Comments (19)
June 18, 2007
Two's company, three's a crowd
Phil's note: for your convenience these posts regarding Mr. Sheriff can all be found under our Categories section (located in the sidebar to the right)under the "Mr. Sheriff Chronicles".
When we left off last week, Mr. Sheriff had replied that everything was in good order - he had executed the document and would return it upon my understanding that I deposit some money in his "dormant" bank account in order to activate it, which would then "motivate and strengthen" his ability to work for us.
In the meantime, however, I had received a SECOND email - from "Mike Teigaga". I have no idea who this man is or how he caught wind that the Playaz might be looking to hire bright young talent. But here is his email:
Dear Sir,
Compliment of the season. My name is Michael Teigaga, I wish to inform you that I have gone though your website and decided to write you because I will like to work with you in aria of marketing your business both the game and the pharmaceutical drugs.
I am working at Akoko Goldfield Mining company here in Ghana and I have get more customers for the company but my salary is not good at all and even the company is now owning me four months salary now.
I find your company as I was searching for good company that I can work with in America and after reading your profile I decided to work with you because I know that if my request is granted I will work very hard to market your product in Africa and also around the world and I will also look for more lucrative business to introduce to you.
Sir it would be my pressure to endorse whatever agreement once I let a lawyer review the agreement and let me know that is okay.
Please I am ready to forward my complete personal information to you if only you are interested to employ me.
I will forget about my company and prepare to move to your base once we get things right and have my visa. Enclose attached is my international Drivers Permit.
I will wait for your response and please keep this information to your self.
Sincerely,
Michael Teigaga
Tel:+2332466107
Mr. Teigaga's official driver's permit
This was certainly interesting. This man sounded quite convicted of his qualifications.
Mr. Sheriff re-sent his last email three times. It appeared he was getting anxious. I replied....but there was now an interesting twist....
To: Mr. Sheriff Ahmed
From: Phil Braun
Dear Mr. Sheriff
This is good news.
However, I must confess to you, I am in a bit of a quandry. You see, not but a few days ago while awaiting your earliest response, I received an email from Mike Teigaga of Ghana...and he ALSO urged our consideration to hire HIM for the very same position.
He was very adamant and even vowed to forget about his company in order to work for us.
Plus, Mike even sent us an authentic driver's permit proving that he is who he says and that he is willing to work very hard in both the game and pharmeceutical drugs.
He has asked me to keep his email confidential, but since we are so far along in our negotiations I am copying you his email here, along with attaching his driver's permit for your eyes to see:
Copy of Mr. Teigaga's email was copied here
I am to meet with the members of our organization and Kenny Rogers (CEO) to discuss how to handle the situation.
Any suggestions are welcome.
Sincerely,
Phil Braun
Playaz, Inc.
It didn't take long for Mr. Sheriff to respond. And he was not happy.
Dear Phil,
Good to hear this kind of information from as sign of sincere person you are.Based on this and on wards i must not dought you personality.
As a matter of fact,Mr.Mike is a friend of mine but just an ordinary driver that drives our costomer (s) to any destination during gold deal.Mike's mail to you was a great suprise to me why because in two occassion i have got him closer in my office to see the correspondence opportunity with you that has come my way never knowing that he will raise an eye brow, envy and hate me not to flurish and achieve the front coming success of working with you,mike is a (progress barrier).
For your information,he is not competent,business wise and capable like me,mike is absolutely a novice in the area of business management/care you are choosing me for,and he don't have knowledge to convince costumers in advance and beyond doubt.mike is limited in the area of business management and have no update ideas in getting and convincing customers.
He just want terminate and spoil the mutual understanding between you and me as am moving ahead for your worker in the PLAYAZ INC.
AM THE GRAND MASTER TO MIKE IN BUSINESS OF ANY KIND SO FAR TO APPLY WISDOM AND IDEAS IS CONCERN.
I hereby to ask you to suspend entirely and put a total stop to any of his communication via emails,calls and otherwise.I will not like you to have a bad encounter and bitter experience.Follow my advice and do it for your own business progress with me O.K.
I need to hear from you that you have honestly put a total stop to communicate with mike in any means,ignore all his mail and don't reply him any longer.mike is a (PROGRESS BARRIER).Send to me mike's email ID.
I await your swift response at the earliest.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
I wanted to remain diplomatic about the situation, but fair. Mr. Sheriff made a strong argument as to Mr. Mike being a "PROGRESS BARRIER". That said, I needed to know Mr. Sheriff was, in fact, our man for the job. Larry Holmes was sorely in need of a back rub, after all.
Mr. Sheriff -
This is certainly a concern. However, how am I to know what is fact? Perhaps Mr. Teigaga is the more qualified? But I appreciate your vindictiveness.
I am taking your letter to heart and believing what you say. I do not wish to give Mike's email so as not to alert him that I have informed you of his writing as he asked of me.
My best outcome is to be 100% convinced that Mr. Sheriff is the man we want. Therefore, I would ask one thing of you:
I would like for you to write a brief essay on one of the following individuals: 1) Kenny Rogers, 2) Larry Holmes, or 3) Conway Twitty. You may choose any one of the 3. It does not have to be too long. Perhaps 500 words maximum.
The reasoning is: These 3 individuals have much to do with our company's success and are highly revered by the Partnerz. Once you have completed this task, I will be convinced you are the most dedicated and have a full understanding of the people important to the company, and at that time, I will not communicate any further with Mike Teigaga. They can be easily researched via teh internets by typing any of their names into The Google.
I will await your essay and will not communicate with Mr. Mike in the meantime.
All my best,
Phil Braun
Playaz, Inc.
As of this posting, I had not yet received the essay I seek to convince me Mr. Sheriff's need is in fact our supply.
But what would happen next astounded me....
(to be continued)
Posted by Phil at 9:07 AM | Comments (14)
June 15, 2007
Mr. Teigaga Strikes Back
Received Thu Jun 14 2007
To: Phil Braun
From: Sheriff Ahmed
DEAR PHIL,
I HAVE EXECUTED THE AGREEMENT WAITING TO BE RETURNED TO YOU SOONEST FOLLOWS AS THE FACT OF ONE AT A TIME OR ONE AFTER THE OTHER.
BELOW IS MY PERSONAL DETAILS IN ORDER TO BEGIN PROCESSING MY INFORMATION IMMEDIATELY.
Name: SHERIFF K. AHMED
Age: 32YRS
Date of Birth: 22nd NOVEMBER 1975
Residence/Address: NT 202/4
Bank Accounts: HOPE THE SAME WITH THE (BANK ACCOUNT NO).
Bank Account No.: DOMANT.
Personal ID Nos.: PERSONAL ID/NOS NOT AVAILABLE
Copy of Driver's License: MISSING.
Mother's maiden name: MRS.MEMUNA.
REGARDING MY ACCOUNT, I WILL APPRECIATE YOU TO REACTIVATE IT FOR ME WITH SOME LITTLE AMOUNT TO KEEP IT FUNTIONING AND ENABLE THE UPFRONT SIGNING FEES.UPON YOUR POSITIVE ANSWER CONCERNING MY ACCOUNT, IT WILL MOTIVATE AND STRENTHEN MY ABILITY TO WORK WITH YOU AND MAKE ME RETURN THE EXECUTED AGREEMENT IMMEDIATELY WITH NO FURTHER DELAY.
HOPING YOU TO UNDERSTAND ME CLEARLY IN ALL THE ABOVE ACKNOWLEGDEMENTS.
KINDLY BEGIN PROCESSES MY INFORMATION AS THE AGREEMENT IS ABOUT TO FOLLOW.
I WAIT TO HEAR GOOD NEWS IN YOUR EARLIEST RESPONSE.
BEST REGARDS,
MR.SHERIFF.
Bon: Everything looks in order here. Phil, we must hire this man immediately...he is our last hope.
Phil: No...there is another.........................................
To be continued.
Posted by Phil at 8:47 AM | Comments (16)
June 11, 2007
'Next tomorrow' has finally arrived
Finally, we have received word from our prospective employee, Mr. Sheriff. He has a few questions, it seems.
To catch some of you up on the story, you may click on these links to follow along:
Present Day
I received this email from Mr. Sheriff after review of our contract:
To: Phil Braun
From: Sheriff Ahmed
Subject: I STILL ASK FOR YOUR COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING
Dear Phil,
Am writing in readiness to do business with you. It takes me these days and time to achieve a meaningful conclusion with my lawyer regarding the contents of the employment agreement that you sent to me.
As a matter of fact to work with your organization for business, I will appreciate you to understand me in the area of negotiating some of your conditions which will balance us in dealing business together as the agreement contains for life under the playaz.
As to exhibit focused purposes for you, I don't need to be in rush o.k. Give me your time as we must definitely achieve your heart-desires.
As you may know am an African with no too much knowledge like you.
1) Kindly explain to my understanding the nature and type of your business/PLAYAZ.
2) As your term for life agreement, how much is you're signing fees?
3) Why do you prefer the life agreement?
4) What is your employment benefit for services under this agreement to enable my mind up making?
5) What will be my job position in your company and the department to manage?
6) How much will you pay me according to my valuable knowledge and experience which is qualified to suit your company?
7) What as my job to earn enough money for myself and to pay the company the base salary of $150,000,00 per annum
8) In a week how many days do I have to work?
9) As necessary and job required I know that I will devote attention and energies to the business of the company but upon working with you ,is part time leave and e.g. attracted to me in which to communicate and attend important affairs and my family.
10) I can understand that contacting customers to transact business with our company PLAYAZ is part of my job roll.
Kindly answer and clarify me on the above stated to enable me to have firm grounds regarding signing of the agreement in addition with your requirements.
Upon the positive response and clarification from you, I will provide you with your requirements. I await your swift response.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
NOTICE:THIS IS THE MOMENT OF SURE, ACCURATE AND NO RUSH.
I have attempted to address Mr. Sheriff's inquiries as best I can in a timely manner.
1) Kindly explain to my understanding the nature and type of your business/PLAYAZ.
We are a conglomerate consisting of five (5) mustachioed individuals...Gentlemen of Leisure, if you will...our Business is just that: Business....you may best understand by viewing our business model which someday we will present to you on a top of the line overhead projector. Essentially when someone wants to transact business they will pay us a hefty fee. Then we blow that money on airplanes, gold toilets, finely woven turtlenecks, etc. Then repeat the process.
2) As your term for life agreement, how much is you're signing fees?
We would like to pay you $80,000.00. We would like to.
3) Why do you prefer the life agreement?
We feel that any employee worthy of our consideration must shun the things in his previous life, and totally dedicate himself to the Playaz. Why would you want anything less?
4) What is your employment benefit for services under this agreement to enable my mind up making?
To ensure the mind making, we wish to assure you that your benefit will be lifelong association with the most well known organization on the planet. Walk into any business and say "I am with the Playaz! They demand your attention and your money! Your need is our supply!" You will find endless riches will then fall at your feet.
5) What will be my job position in your company and the department to manage?
You will head up our Comet Dust Division, and other general business.
6) How much will you pay me according to my valuable knowledge and experience which is qualified to suit your company?
Your salary is limitless. Once we have attained your knowledge and experience, your association with us will generate you riches beyond your wildest dreams. You will not receive a 'salary' from Playaz, Inc.
7) What as my job to earn enough money for myself and to pay the company the base salary of $150,000,00 per annum
Your want is our desire to have the resources to pay us (the company) the base salary required. You will have that. The earnings is your reward. Which will fullfill our supply.
8) In a week how many days do I have to work?
8
9) As necessary and job required I know that I will devote attention and energies to the business of the company but upon working with you ,is part time leave and e.g. attracted to me in which to communicate and attend important affairs and my family.
You will be allowed communication with your family only upon express written permission received from Larry Holmes.
10) I can understand that contacting customers to transact business with our company PLAYAZ is part of my job roll.
Excellent.
Posted by Phil at 9:45 AM | Comments (5)
June 5, 2007
Dear Mr. Sheriff
Dear Mr. Sheriff,
Mr. Sherriff - how does the day find you?
I have been seeking and seeking your email, but nothing....I assume you are no longer interested in our arrangement.
all my best,
Phil
Dear Phil,
Sorry for the braek and delay in communication why because i had a sad event that befalls my parents in which the whole of the period i have no access to my mail before now.
I apologise any inconvinience this might have caused to you,please bear and give me your understanding to enable us to forge ahead to achieve your aims and positive dreams therein in one mind.
I hereby to assure you However, i will accord your business very speedy attention from now and onwards.
I have stated down all you requested from me waiting to send to you by next tomorrow immediately after meeting with my legal practisioner/lawyer.
The volume of my interest in our arrangement is still strong and upcooperate as am seriously intene to work with your organization.
Kindly reply me speedly to make me known that you understand me in this particular mail after break in communication.Your need is my supply.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
Dear Mr. Sheriff,
I understand completely.
Posted by Phil at 9:36 AM | Comments (21)
May 15, 2007
A job offer for Mr. Sheriff, Pt. II
Updated Thu. May 17 (below)
I have formally extended an offer to Mr. Sheriff to join our organization, from yesterday's post.
To: Mr. Sheriff Ahmed
From: Phil Braun
Mr. Sheriff -
Attached is our Agreement as discussed. I will have you execute it and return it to me at your earliest convenience.
We would like to pay you an "Up Front" fee in the amount of $80,000.00. However, we need some personal information in order to begin processing your information.
Please provide the following:
Name:
Age:
Date of Birth:
Residence/Address:
Bank Accounts:
Bank Account No.:
Personal ID Nos.:
Copy of Driver's License:
Mother's maiden name:
It is best to use electronic transfer of moneys to avoid U.S. Taxes.
Then, please review the attached document to begin our employ.
Thanks,
Phil P. Braun
President
Playaz, Inc.
-----------
Wed., May 16, 2007
DAER PHIL,
NOW AM TAKING MY TIME TO REPLY YOU AS NEEDED.WE ARE NOW TO CLIMB ON YOUR AGREEMENT,AND I WILL APPRECIATE YOU TO ADMITT THAT IF I ACCEPT TO AGREE WITH YOUR WISHES,YOU AS WELL WILL AGREE WITH MY WISHES SO THAT OUR AIMS WILL WORK OUT AND ACHIEVED AS YOU NEED.
UPON YOUR WELCOME TO THE ABOVE MESSAGE WILL ENABLE ME TO SUPPLY YOU WITH ALL YOUR REQUIREMENTS TODAY AND ACCORDINGLY AS STATED IN YOUR PREVIOUS MAIL.
I HOPE WHILE ACCOMPLISHING YOUR PARTS AND WISHES,AT THE SAME TIME YOU RESPOND WITH ACCOMPLISING MY OWN PARTS AND WISHES.
PLEASE BE SPECIFIC TO MY UNDERSTANDING IN AREA OF THE PAYMENT OFFER LIKE SALARY OR CONTRACT AS MY SERVICES TO JOIN YOUR ORGANIZATION IS NEEDED.
IN YOUR RESPNSE TO THIS MAIL BY SPECIFICATION AND CLARIFICATIN WILL FURTHER NO DELAY TIME TO PROCEED WITH YOU LEADING FOR POTENTIAL INVESTMENTS.AS SOON AS YOU AGREE WITH ME IN YOUR REPLY ALL YOUR REQUIREMENTS WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU IMMEDIATELY.
I AWAIT YOUR AGREEMENT AND COOPERATIVE RESPONSE IN ALL STATED ABOVE.
BEST REGARDS,
MR.SHERIFF.
To: Mr. Sheriff
From: Phil Braun
I agree to your acceptance of our mutual agreement.
All my best,
Phil
------------
May 17, 2007
Dear Phil,
Thank you for your understanding for mutual understanding.I will be coming right back to you in soonest with the suppliment of all your requirements as i don't need to be in rush for it and hoping you to cooperate with me possibly as well.While including all your requirements,I will add an attachment for identification.
Stay checking your mail soon,i will be right back to you in accord.
Your need is my supply.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff .
Posted by Phil at 8:55 AM | Comments (15)
May 14, 2007
A job offer for Mr. Sheriff
(Update 1:25 p.m.)
It is an exciting day.
About 2 weeks ago, I began email correspondence with a gentleman by the name of Sheriff Ahmed, who offered the Playaz the lucrative investment of Gold Dust via teh internets. Naturally, we were intrigued.
I wondered to Mr. Sheriff if gold dust had the same narcotic qualities as our own comet dust, which the Playaz were infamous for discovering? Could you get high off of it?
After some language issues, Mr. Sheriff did something no other business man has done. He offered me comet dust. My own comet dust.
It was the Playaz Business Model executed to perfection, but in a way I've never seen. I had to have this man on our side. So I formally extended him an offer to join our Organization.
To: Rigo Ghana Limted
From: Phil Braun
Mr. Sheriff -
I must admit, you are some sort of financial wizard.
When I first believed you were selling Gold Dust, naturally I was intrigued. We have had great success in getting extaordiarily high off of Comet Dust, which I informed you that we discovered and control all of its existence here on Earth.
Then, you wanted to sell me Comet Dust, which we already own.
I can only come to one conclusion: to offer you a position with our organization.
We would like you, Mr. Sheriff, to come work for us.
Being a man of your stature and intelligence, we need only to know what you would require of us in the way of salary. We are prepared to pay you whatever it will take to have you run our finance/sales department.
Please respond swiftly, before your talents are recognized by another organization.
Sincerely,
Phil P. Braun
President
This morning, I received Mr. Sheriff's reply...
To: Phil Braun
Subject: AM WILLING AND READY TO WORK WITH YOU
DEAR PHIL,
IAM WELL IMPRESSED WITH YOUR REPLY TO ME.IN SINCEREITY,I APPRECIATE AND COMPLIMENT YOU AS WITH ACCUMULATED KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOM POWER TO DISCOVERED A TALENTED ONE LIKE ME SUITABLE IN A PARTICULAR POSITION RELATING MARKETING AND AS POSSIBLE I COULD SERVE AS SALES MANAGER OF ALL KINDS OF PRODUCTS.
I HEREBY GIVEN YOU A NAME VERY FIT NAME FOR FOUNDERS(A GENUISE).AS YOU MAY KNOW AM DOWN HERE ACCRA GHANA IN WEST AFRICA SO HOW POSSIBBLE ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE IT REAL WITH YOUR PERSONALITY AND TRAVEL EXPOSURE FOR ME TO MEET WITH YOU IN YOUR COUNTRY FOR MORE DETAILS,OTHER BUSINESS
DISCUSSIONS TO ACHIEVE WITH YOU AND ALSO MAKE KNOWN TO YOU MY LIFE HISTORY AND HOBBY LIKE FOR ONWARD GENERALL FINANCIAL MAKING.
WE SOUNDS THE SAME TYPE OF PERSON THAT WITH UNDERSTANDING BOTH OF US WILL JOIN HANDS TOGETHER AND MAKE MORE FINACIAL BETTER FUTURE FOR OURSELF.
I FEEL AND CAN KNOW THAT WITH YOUR TYPE OF PERSON WE CAN JOIN-TOGETHER IN BUSINESS AND MAKE TOO MUCH MONEY.AM WILLING AND EVER-READY TO WORK WITH YOU AND YOUR ORGANIZATION.
I WILL MLIKE TO MEET WITH YOU FOR FACE TO FACE DISCUSSION IN THE AREA OF WHAT I WILL REQUIRE OF YOU IN THE WAY OF SALARY.I ASSURE YOU WITH ME RUNNING THE DEPARTMENT,THE SUCCESS OF YOUR FINANCE/SALE DEPARTMENT WILL BE STEADY ACHIEVED TO YOU SATISFACTION INCLUDING THE GROWTH OF YOUR
ENTIRE ORGANIZATION IN PROGRESS.
UPON YOUR EXPECTED RESPONSE TO THIS MAIL WILL ENABLE US TO FURTHER AHEAD FOR FINANCIAL SUCCESS ACHIEVEMENTS.KINDLY INCLUDE YOUR CONTACT DETAILS,I WILL LIKE TO START SPEAKING WITH YOU FROM THIS INITIAL STAGE FOR THE PURPOSE VOICE RECOGNISION.
I AWAIT YOUR COOPERATIVE RESPONSE IN ALL ACCORD.
BEST REGARDS,
MR.SHERIFF.
--Success!!---
To: Mr. Sheriff Ahmed
From: Phil Braun
This is most excellent news, Mr. Sheriff.
I am most able to travel as I have my own personal jet - unfortunately, it is currently in use by great country singer Kenny Rogers.
However, I plan on speaking with you in haste.
In the meantime, I will be sending you some information regarding our arrangement. Please wait by your computer for my correspondence.
Sincerely,
Phil P. Braun
--------------------
To: Phil Braun
From: Sheriff Ahmed
Dear Phil,
Thanks for your prompt response and the content of your mail was quietly understood. I promise you that now and onwards as soonest. I will be checking for your mail .However expecting your information regarding the arrangement as necessary.Am now often ready by my computer waiting for your cooperative response with inclusive of your contact details.
Hoping to hear from you urgently.
Best Regards,
Mr. Sheriff.
Posted by Phil at 9:08 AM | Comments (25)
May 10, 2007
Why is it so hard to deal with Nigerians?
Edited 9:30 p.m. - see bottom of post.
I don't understand. For every offer of inherited riches, laundered money, etc. that I receive, I find it puzzling as to why none of these people are willing to follow through with their generous offers. Perhaps I have finally found someone.
I recently received an offering of "Gold Dust" from a Mr. Sheriff Ahmed. I was extremely excited, as you would imagine, but I had some questions that needed to be answered first.
Mr. Sheriff kindly offered me "260 KGS of Alluvial Gold Dust" (in Ghana) for the low, low price of $13,800, subject to an "agreement signed by both parties". I replied:
To: Rigo Ghana Limited
From: Phil Braun
Can you get high off of it?
We discovered 'comet dust' (you may have heard) - and it is fantastic.
From: Rigo Ghana Limited
To: Phil Braun
Dear Phil Braun,
Thanks for your timely response and welcome from the workers holiday.The gold dust picture you discovered in my mail is exactly the nature of the product in offre for sale.
We are just a small local mining company that is supplying to the(PMMC)Government because they issued the certificate of this mining company to us but we have realized that after we have sold to them,they will now resell to forieners at world market price and make more money,so therefore upon this discovery our organization have decide to get the foreign customer to sell our product(gold) and established a long-term partnership with well interested ones as our price is o.k.
Your request of getting high off of the price is qualified to be considered based on the quatity you are willing to afford.
In respect of your good sound mail,kindly indicate how much is your is your maximum interest as you respond to this mail to enable us to send you the details with the Full Cooperate Offer(FCO) and memorandum of understanding.
In your response,importantly include all your contact details.
I await your response at the earliest.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
To: Rigo Ghana Limited
From: Phil Braun
So the more I buy, the higher I can get off of it? I am referring to useage of gold dust as a narcotic.
From: Rigo Ghana Limited
To: Phil Braun
Subject: Kindly Break the Explanation
Dear Phil Braun,
One thing you have to know is that when ever our organization want to establishe partnership/customer,the cost of the product(gold) become less to enable us to be getting our product steady to our customer for immediate sale and send the money to the account that will be given to him from the sellers side.
Kindly break the explanation of this your sentence to more of my understanding:( I am referring to useage of gold dust as a narcotic).
Upon your response to this mail,more informations will be given to you in detail.
I await your response at the earliest.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
To: Rigo Ghana Limited
From: Phil Braun
Mr. Sheriff -
Hopefully this will explain: when you said "gold dust", I became very excited.
See, we discovered "comet dust" - dust from the trail of a comet in space - and further discovered you can get "high" off of it.
It has great curing powers too - we cured Wilford Brimley of diabetes with comet dust (though we inadvertently (mistake) killed Don Knotts with comet dust, too).
So what I mean is, does "gold dust" have similar qualities to "comet dust"?
This link may explain comet dust further http://www.playazball.com/archives/001629.html
I look forward to your swift reply, Mr. Sheriff.
Phil
From: Rigo Ghana Limited
To: Phil Braun
Subject: IS OUR INTEREST TO KNOW THE QUANTITY YOU WILL BUY
Dear Phil,
SORRY FOR THE LITTLE DELAY IN COMMUNICATION AS YOU ARE WAITING FOR MY SWIFT REPLY and welcome from the weekend,in continuation of this dust transaction we will be glad to know the quantity you are willing to buy to enable us to send you the Full Cooperate Offer(FCO) AND THE MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING INCLUDING THE SELLERS AND BUYERS AGGREEMENT TO BE SIGNED BY YOU.
Kindly notify us the position of your occupation for it is important as the modules of our operation requires to enable us to commence the progress of the dust procedure immediately.
Upon your notification of the quantity you are willing to afford will help us to work out the low cost price for you.
I await your response at the earliest.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
To: Rigo Ghana Limited
From: Phil Braun
Mr. Sheriff,
Thank you for your response. I will grant you the information that you seek.
My occupation is "Playa": I am a Gentleman of Leisure. This should enable you to allow your modules to commence the progress of me getting high as a kite off of your Gold dust.
I am willing for you to afford me as much dust as you have in your possession. Please mail it to me at your earliest convenience.
Phil P. Braun
To: Phil Braun
From: Rigo Ghana Limited
Dear Phil,Thanks for your prompt response,i will attend and respond to you as a good customer to become hence you have indicated your maximum interest to afford as much dust as we have in our organization possession.
Please keep checking your mail box as it will take me some moment to work out the price and send to you through email attachment.To be therein are FULL COOPERATE OFFER (FCO),MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING(MEMO) AND SELLERS AND BUYERS AGREEMENT FOR YOU TO SIGN THE RELEVANT PARTS OF THE DUST DOCUMENT PROVES AND SEND BACK TO US IMMEDIATELY TO ENABLE US TO COMMENCE ON THE DUST FOR DELIVERY.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff.
I cannot wait for the Dust.
--------------------------
Hold on. What is this man trying to pull!? I just received the following email:
To: Phil Braun
From: Rigo Ghana Limited
Dear Phil,
Am very sorry the way put the name only(dust) instead of the comet dust in detail.Please don't misunderstand me,i hereby to quote the product exactly by the full name(COMET DUST)in respect of on ward transaction of this product(COMET DUST).
Am aproaching to conclude to work out the price high of it before this your list mail,surely tomorrow you will receive it with other following documents backing the entire sale/transaction of the product.
In your response, please include your full contact details direct telephone and fax numbers, your complete physical house address.This is very important.
Your earliest response would be appreciated. Upon your response to this mail, it will enable me to send to you tomorrow he price high of it and other relevant documents backing the sale of the product.Your reply with all the requests will add to fetch both of us a good customer and long-term partnership of the product(COMET DUST).
I await your swift response.
PLEASE KINDLY FOLLOW THE STEPS AND INSTRUCTIONS ABOVE ON HOW TO PROCEED.
Best Regards,
Mr.Sheriff .
He is trying to sell us....COMET DUST....?...WE DISCOVERED COMET DUST!!!!!1!
I am debating about how to respond. I need some 'cooling down' time...
Posted by Phil at 9:31 PM | Comments (13)