May 25, 2008
Record box office receipts are rolling in
Be sure and catch our movie this Memorial Day Weekend.
Due to heart attacks and uncontrolled defecation, no one will be seated in the theater for the first 30 minutes of this movie!
Posted by Phil at 4:30 PM | Comments (14)
December 27, 2007
A Very Kenny Christmas
The message that Kenny wants to extend to you this Holiday Season is: Kenny is doing very well, thanks.
Hope you all had a Merry Christmas.
Posted by Phil at 11:21 AM
July 2, 2007
Get down to 'Uncle Tac's' Fireworks & Primary Explosives for all your Fourth of July needs
As Independence Day nears, don't spend your holiday without visiting Uncle Tac's "Detonation Station" for all your Fourth of July entertainment needs!!
Tac's is a full service retail outlet that serves to make your Fourth end up with a bang!!
Geared more towards the primary, secondary, and tertiary explosives and less on the "fireworks", Uncle Tac has everything you need to blow up that ditch, dam, shed, abandoned automobile, neighbor's automobile, that is sure to "wow" your friends and relatives this patriotic holiday.
Stock up for your neighborhood extravaganza....Uncle Tac has:
Nitroglycerin
C-4
Trinitroluene (TNT)
Compositions A & B
Tetrytols
Dynamite
Black Powder
Battery Acid
...and much, much more!
Watch your neighbors run for cover when you detonate "Jumbo" for your Grand Finale...and when the smoke clears and the rubble is swept away, you can tell them it was all thanks to "Uncle Tac's"!!
"Jumbo"
Come on down!
Posted by Phil at 4:51 PM | Comments (14)
February 13, 2007
Happy Valentine's Day now leave me alone
I had an idea to give you the Playaz' Valentine's Day cards, but instead I decided to get the stomach flu (as did the rest of my family).
Instead, go visit someone else who is less sick and has already prepared Valentine's Day Cards for your entertainment and leave me to wallow in my own filth.
Brandon Bird's Law & Order: SVU Valentines
Posted by Phil at 10:30 AM | Comments (26)
December 24, 2006
Merry Christmas, everyone.
Update: 12/25/06
Rest in Peace, James Brown.
Posted by Phil at 9:50 PM | Comments (23)
December 20, 2006
A Christmas Miracle!
And the Playaz came from the East, bearing gifts of gold, frankinscence, and myrrh to lay at the tomb of the Guv'na, deceased for many months after being run over by Phil with a Ford F-150.
But when they arrived, there was a violent earthquake. And the ghost of Conway Twitty appeared before them. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were very fine, probably silk or something of that nature.
And Conway said to them, "Do not be afraid. For I know you are looking for The Guv'na, who was run over by Phil in Bon's truck. He is not here. He is alive. Go into town where you will see him, giving press interviews."
But the Playaz did not believe. Then they went into town where they saw the Guv'na himself, announcing his miraculous return to E! Entertainment News.
And the Guv'na said to E! "Go and tell the world the good news. And tell those that believe on the Playaz to go out, and drive out demons in our name, and handle snakes; and when they drink the poison, it will not hurt them at all."
And after Guv'na had wrapped his press conference, he and the Playaz were carried up into the VIP Lounge where they drank Cristal with Kenny Rogers, with Larry Holmes sitting at his right side, and signed Christmas cards.
Posted by Phil at 10:39 AM | Comments (438)
November 22, 2006
From the Playaz' family to yours
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
Posted by Phil at 9:57 AM | Comments (30)
July 5, 2006
Playaz dazzle Atlanta with "roman candle" display for Fourth of July
The Playaz put on an Independence Day spectacular this fourth of July with a Roman Candle display that enthralled Atlanta's citizens.
In a show that lasted well over 2 minutes, the Playaz lit and fired the illuminated powder, more commonly referred to as a Roman Candle, into the air until all 10 of the "stars" were dispensed.
A crowd of over 100,000 onlookers gathered near Atlanta's Lenox Square Mall, awaiting the Playaz incredible fireworks show. The Playaz played a Kenny Roger's CD into a microphone to accompany the pyrotechnic extravaganza.
The Playaz concluded the show with a grand finale that featured the lighting of the "snake", which starts as a small black pellet but becomes a growing black ash that produces a "snake-like" effect.
Posted by Phil at 8:54 AM | Comments (16)
June 30, 2006
United States of America: Greatest Country On Earth
Only 230 years old and in that time we've: Beat the crap out of England, beat the crap out of Indians, beat the crap out the Spanish & Mexicans, beat the crap out of ourselves, beat the crap out of Germany (twice), beat the crap out of Italy, beat the crap out of Japan, beat the crap out of Korea, almost beat the crap out of Vietnam, made some sweet moolah off of Iraq & Iran, beat the crap out of Iraq, then beat the crap out of Iraq again, and are keeping out the Mexicans with a gigantic fence.
I'm pretty sure we also invented "Tivo", the greatest invention ever.
U.S. is the best, and don't let anyone tell you different.
Have a happy and safe fourth of July, everyone.
Posted by Phil at 7:42 AM | Comments (114)
April 14, 2006
Bon captures egg-hiding rabbit in backyard
Bon captured an incredibly large rabbit today that he found sniffing around his backyard.
Bon said aside from the unusual size of the rabbit, he mentioned a most peculiar basket found nearby filled with colorful eggs. Bon believed it belonged to the rabbit somehow, but couldn't understand what a rabbit would be doing with it in the first place.
Bon plans to boil the rabbit along with the newfound eggs and serve it for Easter dinner.
Posted by Phil at 9:05 AM | Comments (16)
February 13, 2006
How will you spend your Valentine's Day?
After prolonged hours upon hours of watching the Food Network, this Valentine's Day I will be unwinding in a hot tub with Marcia Cross. How will you be spending yours?
The Guv'na with Jessica Cutler
Tac & Jessica Alba
Bon with one-half of the Olsen Twins (Ashley)
Wayne 'n Halle Berry
Posted by Phil at 9:55 PM | Comments (149) | TrackBack
December 24, 2005
On the first day of Christmas, the Playaz gave to meeeee....
Kenny Rogers in a pear tree
Tomorrow..a special message from the former heavyweight champion of the world.
Also, and to no one's suprise, the Playaz have been named the Sexiest Male Bloggers of the Week by Jessica Cutler. Why it took this long is the biggest suprise to anyone.
Update (12/27): Taking a cue from Travis' Christmas Tale from the Throwing Hammers blog, I have created a separate category for the Twelve Days of Playaz Christmas so that you may view them more easily.
Also, since I was generous enough to give you 14 posts in 13 days, I'm taking a bit of a break this week, so while I encourage you to return and post comments and bask in the glory that is the Playaz, there will probably be no new posts until the New Year.
Posted by Phil at 8:32 AM | Comments (16) | TrackBack
December 23, 2005
On the second day of Christmas, the Playaz gave to me...
2 turtlenecks
Since it wouldn't be Christmas without a commercial plug, I just wanted to let you guys know I have a new, black t-shirt with a hi-res "Playaz Ball" logo on it in the Playaz Mall - looks pretty good, I think. Check it out.
Posted by Phil at 8:41 AM | Comments (1)
December 22, 2005
On the third day of Christmas, the Playaz gave to me...
3 new pipes
For a little extra humor, please check out the ads that The Google has deemed appropriate for our site in the sidebar
Posted by Phil at 9:35 AM | Comments (21) | TrackBack
December 21, 2005
On the fourth day of Christmas, the Playaz gave to me...
4 Kilos of coke
Posted by Phil at 9:10 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack
December 20, 2005
On the fifth day of Christmas, the Playaz gave to me...
5 golden scorpion medallions
Be sure to catch the Playaz Christmas Party recap below.
Posted by Phil at 8:56 AM | Comments (11) | TrackBack
December 19, 2005
On the sixth day of Christmas, the Playaz gave to me..
6 gallons of antifreeze
Posted by Phil at 2:31 PM | Comments (30) | TrackBack
December 18, 2005
A Very Playaz Christmas
Enjoy the recap of the Playaz Christmas Party.
(Updated 12/19 @ 11:23 a.m. - some new photos added, others replaced with better shots of the same photo)
The 12 Days of Playaz Christmas continued below..
A lovely spread provided by The Guv'na
Our beaver was there, enjoying some m&m's and a cocktail
In attendance:
The Guv'na
Tac
Bon
Wayne (enjoying a cookie)
..and yours truly
The Beaver watches the premier of the Playaz Ball DVD
I have a sweet jumpsuit
The jumpsuit, in all it's Christmas glory
Old friends...laughing...
Wayne & Bon
"Who wants heroin?"
If you can see these spiders, it means you're probably high on heroin right now
Yuletide Playaz
These I'm not sure I can even explain
Two smokes and a cookie
Enjoying a spoonful of 'red-devils'
The photos below represent an early Christmas gift to The Playaz from our "West Coast" fan, Julia, of Save the Ta-Tas. Julia designed these t-shirts that have been worn by the likes of Jessica Simpson and Kate Beckinscale, a portion of the proceeds of these shirts goes towards breast cancer research. Thank you, Juia! I think we look quite classy and stylish in our new t-shirts! Be sure and check out her site.
Posted by Phil at 1:29 AM | Comments (150) | TrackBack
On the seventh day of Christmas, the Playaz gave to me...
7 Christmas Kangols
Posted by Phil at 12:31 AM | Comments (19) | TrackBack
December 17, 2005
On the eighth day of Christmas, the Playaz gave to me...
8 jars of tartar sauce
Party Checklist for tonight:
Guvna's mink
Kangols
Pipes
scorpion medallion
Christmas Pictures for cards
Turtlenecks
jumpsuits
Suits
Beaver
Alcohol
Ta-Tas Tshirts
Silver platter w/ Cocaine
Meat
Cigarettes
alternate DVD player
DVDs
Posted by Phil at 8:55 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack
December 16, 2005
On the ninth day of Christmas, the Playaz gave to me..
9 Conway Twitty albums
Posted by Phil at 8:04 AM | Comments (14) | TrackBack
December 15, 2005
On the tenth day of Christmas, the Playaz gave to me...
10 Larry Holmes phone calls
Posted by Phil at 9:02 AM | Comments (42) | TrackBack
December 14, 2005
On the eleventh day of Christmas, the Playaz gave to me...
11 dead geese a-laying lifeless
(click to view the twelfth day of christmas)
Posted by Phil at 8:00 AM | Comments (53) | TrackBack
December 13, 2005
The Twelve Days of Playaz Christmas*
On the twelfth day of Christmas, the Playaz gave to me...
12 frivolous lawsuits
* Today begins a series counting down the Twelve Days of Playaz Christmas.
Posted by Phil at 7:55 AM | Comments (20) | TrackBack
December 11, 2005
The most coveted invitation this Holiday season
Do not disturb the sexy..
Posted by Phil at 10:29 AM | Comments (26) | TrackBack
December 8, 2005
Visit with Santa
Yesterday I took my girls to the local mall for their first ever visit with Santa Claus.
I thought it was going to be a fun, enjoyable experience, but it was anything but.
First, many of the other parents began squawking and complaining to me for reasons unknown to me. Something about being "dressed inappropriately" or something else to that effect. I guess because it was unseasonably warm that day and I decided to take my shirt off. I guess it is considered against the law now. It's still America, isn't it?
That wasn't the real problem. The real problem was when I realized that the Guv'na had passed out (again) underneath Santa's bench and ruined our photo. You can see me in the picture trying to alert the staff that Guv'na was plainly visible under the bench and would someone please get him out from under there.
After The Guv'na was awakened, I asked him what he was doing there in the first place. He said he had wanted to get down there early and be first in line for his kids when the mall opened, and he guessed he had gotten drowsy and had fallen asleep. Needless to say, Guv'na was escorted off the premises by security and his kids never got to see ole' St. Nick. Also, I was asked not to come back next year.
Posted by Phil at 9:41 AM | Comments (16) | TrackBack
November 22, 2005
Happy Thanksgiving
The Playaz will be celebrating their Thanksgiving this year just the same as they do each year.
First, Bon will make his traditional trip up to Washington to hide in the White House rose garden, where he will kill the turkey traditionally pardoned by the President of the United States (plus, with the bird-flu going around, Bon does not believe we need to be 'pardoning' any birds from anything).
Once Bon has struck down the bird (this year, Bon is using a boomerang, as he feels it is more "sporting"), the turkey is decapitated, stripped of it's feathers, disembowled, and broiled for hours before Tac serves and carves this delicious bird for his fellow Playaz.
We wish all of you a Happy Thanksgiving, and we'll see you all after the holiday!
Posted by Phil at 5:37 PM | Comments (308) | TrackBack
November 20, 2005
Christmas cards
We wanted to let you know that Christmas is right around the corner, and to please email us your address if you desire receive the official 2005 Playaz Christmas Card, complete with an authentic signature of each of the Playaz. These cards will not be signed by our secretarial staff as they have been in years' past, but will be personally autographed by us.
Due to the heavy demand, we needed make you aware of this rare offer and to recommend you submit your request early.
*Phil's note: The card will not necessarily be this card. So don't think "oh, I've already seen the Playaz christmas card, why do I want one?" Everyone may get a different card, or the same card, but different from this one. Who knows? It will be crazy!
Posted by Phil at 2:17 PM | Comments (19) | TrackBack
July 1, 2005
Hello, old friend
Mmmm....Gentleman Jack Daniels......brownest of the brown liquors.....
What's that? You want me to drink you now?
But it's only 1:00 p.m. on Friday......well, okay.
Looks like my Fourth of July weekend is underway. I hope you readers
have a good weekend. I expect I won't be posting until next week. The
rest of the Playaz will likely be taking it easy until Monday. Manny
plans to do a little much needed yard work with his steam-powered
lawnmower this holiday weekend.
Then, we will be packing our bags and heading to Myrtle Beach for our
perfomance with Sonny James on the Fourth. It is likely a sold-out show by now, but if you ladies stop by Sonny's tour bus, I'm sure Sonny will be more than willing to give you a backstage pass, if you know what I mean.
Well, I have to go and polish off the rest of this Gentleman Jack and
practice up on my washboard.
Happy Independence Day, everyone!
Posted by Phil at 12:55 PM | Comments (33)