January 17, 2007

Playaz advise Axl Rose to kill self, but not 'til after album release

The Playaz recently counseled Guns 'N Roses lead singer Axl Rose to go ahead and kill himself, but not before the release of the long anticipated album Chinese Democracy.

Wayne announces to the press that Rose will finally kill himself as he should have a long time ago

'Democracy' has been in the works for roughly 10 years, amidst the break-up of original GNR band members, the shuffling in and out of new members, and Rose's own personal issues.

"Rose's ultimate suicide is really long overdue. This should have happened a long time ago," Bon was quoted as saying. "But, we've waited this long for this stupid album, we may as well get a chance to actually hear it before Rose puts the barrel-end of a .12 gauge in his mouth."

After several unsuccessful attempts to convince Rose to off himself to obtain rock-legend immortality, Rose's public relations group hired the Playaz to step in.

"Their biggest gaffe was the MTV appearance, with that guy with the KFC bucket on his head. Dear God. He made me want to kill myself after that," Wayne added. "Now we'll step in and finish this thing the right way, and put Guns 'N Roses out of their misery."

The latest date for Chinese Democracy's release is March 6th, with Axl's suicide to occur no later than April 1st of 2007.

Posted by Phil at 8:50 AM | Comments (14)

June 8, 2006

Land of opportunity

Back in 1983, speeding across the Chihuanhuan desert, Tac dodged gunfire and smashed through cactii carrying precious cargo towards the United States' border. That cargo consisted of Ray Reyes, Roy Rosello, Robby Rosa, Charlie Masso, and Ricky Martin, better known as "Menudo".

Yes, we were responsible for bringing you the hit songs Fuego, and Rubik, The Amazing Cube.

And while we appreciated the music, frankly we were more interested in how much cocaine could be smuggled inside the rectums of Menudo.

Now, the U.S. wants to keep immigrants out by strengthening the defense along our borders. So who, then, will smuggle across the next Menudo?

We will.

In fact, it has already happened. While you sleep, the Playaz are at work. A windowless van with five new, young Latinos, packed with comet dust, races towards the border, where they are left at a "drop house" (and an ensuing mix-up causes them to be held for ransom until their families paid for their freedom, ultimately ending in one of the boys having a hand severed), then on to sign a contract with the Playaz' recording label.

So stay tuned, America. You can build your fences along the border, but you will never keep out the music (or the drug smuggling capabilities) of Menudo.

Posted by Phil at 8:50 AM | Comments (9)

September 24, 2005

Albumes de música de Playaz

Many years ago, a few of the Playaz cut some music albums down in Mexico. It is widely believed that we were the inspiration for "Menudo". I discovered some of the Playaz lost classics that once were the top of the Hispanic pop charts. Included are the english translation to the album titles.

"Orchestra & chorus"...."The sound is a tremendous goal!"

"For the first time"

We really aren't sure what the translation is here, and frankly, I'm not sure we want to know.

Posted by Phil at 10:05 PM | Comments (42)