August 29, 2006

Phil's vacation journal: My guide to San Francisco

Greetings everyone! I am back from the Golden State, and would like to share with you the sights of San Francisco.

My wife and I arrived Friday morning, checked in to our hotel and immediately went out to take in the city by the bay. After flying on our jet for the past 5 hours, we were a bit hungry and were on the lookout for some good food. We set course for the infamous Fisherman's Wharf.

Imagine my suprise and delight when I spotted this sign:

Yes! Did you know San Francisco has a Denny's, and that it is just like the Denny's that you and I are familiar with? Neither did I! It was an amazing experience, to think that I was sitting in Denny's thousands of miles from home in San Francisco, eating pancakes just like I could at home!

After that delicious experience, we ventured down to Pier 39, where I had heard San Fran had a bit of a walrus problem or something and Bon had asked me to check it out for him.

Well, we never made it to the walruses because we were too busy staring in wonderment of this exotic city. First there was "Ripley's Believe It or Not!". A museum of oddities and eccentricities the likes of which you have never seen - like the man who could make his eyes bug out of his head, or a gentleman in India who once swallowed $37 in pennies.

Plus, imagine my suprise wandering by this window to see Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie!

Was it?? No! It was the Wax Museum! These life-like and creepy wax statues captivated us for hours. I stared at Yao Ming for over 45 minutes. Donald Trump looked just like he was saying "Phil, you're fired!" Ha! Ha!!

Here's another thing: they had amongst the multitude of shops on the bay an NFL Store where you could purchase apparrel for any NFL team of your choice. I thought about buying a San Francisco 49er's jersey, but instead bought an authentic Atlanta Falcons jersey for $275. I mean, Atlanta is my favorite team, and I can say "I bought this in San Francisco"!

(Speaking of unique purchases, I almost bought this Christmas Ornament, which strangely resembled our own Wayne, but as a mermaid. A possible lawsuit may stem from this.)

They also had a McDonald's that was very cool, and my wife and I ate lunch there every day.

So, after that incredible experience, we checked out of our hotel near Union Square and promptly moved to the Wharf. Everything you could imagine was right there. Sure, I know what you're saying, "But Phil, didn't you explore anyplace else? Lombard Street? Chinatown? Sausalito? Tiburon?" No. There was no reason to go anywhere else, when all the entertainment we wanted was right there, plus, with Denny's and McDonald's nearby, we knew we could get good food that we were familiar with.

I did, however, try one new restaurant that was recommended to me by Rock Creek Rambler, and that was Town Hall.

I put on my best turtleneck and we ventured back across the city to the restaurant, and frankly, I didn't care for what I saw. The menu was all strange with dishes that I couldn't make heads or tails of. I asked the waitress if she had anything resembling the "Grand Slam Breakfast" you could get at Denny's. She gave me a puzzled look and said "No". So, we left and went to Denny's. Thanks, but no thanks, RCR. You see, we know exactly what we are getting at Denny's. At places like these, you have no idea what you're going to get. So stick with what you know, and keep it simple, is my motto.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I ran into these ladies, Vivian and Marian, the San Francisco Twins.

They were very nice and we chatted a bit. Although they've got nothing on my girls, the Atlanta Twins.

Posted by Phil at 9:42 AM

August 28, 2006

Phil's vacation journal: San Francisco..coming soon

I have been mourning the untimely death of The Guv'na and decided to get out of town for the weekend.

I will update you soon with my own personal guide to San Fracisco.

Posted by Phil at 12:09 PM

February 6, 2006

Phil's vacation journal: Final Entry

I am refreshed! A full belly did the trick. Although I am a bit sluggish as I ate too much (or too many! ha ha!)

I can see what appears to be runway lights in the distance....could it be?

My wife and I run across a man and woman wearing some sort of wooden slats on their feet. They move quite deftly across the frozen terrain. I ask them what the lights are. They say it is the "Telluride Airport". We're saved!!

We kill the couple and steal their slats and attach them to our own feet, as this will move us along much quicker than on foot.

They also have a cellular-phone, which I use to contact the Playaz. I presumed that no electricity or phone connections would work in such inclement weather.

"Summon the Playa jet!" I shout. "Have it at the "Telluride Airport" post-haste!"

It looks like we are coming home...this is my final entry. Until I return

Phil

Posted by Phil at 6:06 PM

February 5, 2006

Phil's vacation journal: Entry 4

I have been living on snow for the past 3 days.

The situation is dire. I am afraid I am forced to do the unthinkable.

I will eat my family, then attempt to hike to safety. I will survive off their fat, and will retain one of their carcasses to envelop myself during the night to keep warm.

I have decided to allow my wife to live, for foraging and child-bearing purposes.

I hope I am alive to see you all again, Playaz. Growing weak..

Posted by Phil at 7:29 PM

Phil's vacation journal - Entry 3

I killed a man today who approached my shelter identifying himself as "shuttle service". Everyone knows you can't drive in snow.

A shotgun blast to the stomach ended this scavenger's efforts to overtake my fortress.

Posted by Phil at 12:16 AM

February 4, 2006

Phil's vacation journal: Entry 2

Conditions are terrible. Several feet of snow surround us.

To make matters worse, we have forced entry into a 6 bedroom chalet in a "Mountain Village" overlooking the snow-capped peaks. The accomodations are meager, but it will have to suffice as we need shelter. The mountains are a menacing presence - as if to say "you will never escape alive".

My family continues to remain strangely serene...even overjoyed at our predicament. It can be nothing more than the fact that they have lost their minds. They say the are leaving, I assume to forage for sustenance. I will remain barricaded indoors. Will I survive? It does not look promising.

Night falls and snow continues to fall. WHY GOD???!!!!

Posted by Phil at 7:41 PM

February 3, 2006

Phil's vacation journal: Entry 1

The Playaz jet touched down safely in Montrose, Colorado today. Our limo picked me and my family up to take us to our final destination, Telluride.

As we got closer and closer, snow became more and more prevalent. Concerned, I ordered the driver to reverse course immediately. My family immediately protested.

"Phil! There's supposed to be snow! We are not turning around!"

The oxygen-deprived air has surely affected their ability to think. In Atlanta, the presence of snow means school closings, business closings, the purchase of rations of bread, water, and milk. You do not, under any circumstance, leave your house.

I contemplated bailing out of the moving vehicle and saving myself. But no...I must stay with my family and protect them. They obviously are not aware of the snowy hell-scape that lays before them.

This is going to end badly, I can tell. I will enter more as I am able, dear diary.

Posted by Phil at 9:38 AM