November 6, 2007

Regis Philbin killed after colliding with Guv'na's car; "He just fell from the sky"

Regis Philbin was killed almost instantly earlier today after colliding with the hood of the Guv'na's car in Beverley Hills.

Guv'na reportedly told the police that Philbin "fell from the sky" and landed on the hood, a blow that also severed Philbin's legs.

Police could not explain how this phenomenon could have occurred. "We have never known Philbin to have the power of flight, but perhaps he thought he did and that's what caused this tragedy."

Guv'na will not be charged in the accident.

Posted by Phil at 3:13 PM | Comments (13)

May 29, 2007

Playaz mourn death of the great Charles Nelson Reilly

Our Memorial Day weekend got off to a rough start at the news of the death of beloved friend Charles Nelson Reilly.

A man who reached stardom through his many appearances on game shows, and his superb acting in TV show "Love, American Style" and movie classic "Cannonball Run II".

Please find an online guest book somewhere and sign your condolensces for this fine man. CNR, we will miss you.

Posted by Phil at 9:36 AM | Comments (9)

May 25, 2007

Blowin' up cats: all the cool kids are doin' it

As a public service announcement, our most recent video "Cat-tastrophe" is being featured on the main page of Super Deluxe (along with several other less important, semi-interesting videos and shorts).

Super Deluxe is a relatively new broadband comedy channel that was launched by Turner Broadcasting (the fine folks who bring you Atlanta Braves baseball and Adult Swim).

So please stop by their site and watch our video again. And again and again. Leave a comment if you like!

Have a great weekend everyone.

(Note: The video is no longer on the main page - you can find it here or here -thanks to Super Deluxe for featuring the vid)

Posted by Phil at 9:32 AM | Comments (9)

April 23, 2007

Get a whiff of our hair

Special thanks to Rock Creek Rambler for inventing this fine product.

Posted by Phil at 9:37 AM | Comments (34)

February 4, 2007

Kenny Rogers upstages Prince at Super Bowl halftime show

Kenny Rogers 'wowed' the Super Bowl audience when Kenny jet-packed into Dolphins Stadium in Miami, landing just prior to the finale of Prince's halftime performance.

Towards the end of Prince's set, the crowd looked skyward to see Kenny descending upon them unnannounced, where he landed at center stage.

Kenny then stripped out of his jetpack suit to his traditional performance attire of bikini briefs, strapped on a Fender telecaster and ripped into an impromptu duet with Prince that included "Dirty Mind", "Gett Off", "Darling Nikki", and an especially funky "Islands In The Stream".

The FCC blacked out this portion of the Super Bowl performance, deeming it inappropriate for younger viewers, which included Kenny performing a simulated sex act with the Indianapolis mascot.

Posted by Phil at 8:25 PM | Comments (11)

January 28, 2007

Battle of the Blog Stars

Tonight! On "Battle of the Blog Stars", your favorite blogging All-Stars "The Playaz" will pit themselves against the "Washington D.C. Blog-Stars" in feats of athletic prowess....

The Playaz, captained by Gabe Kaplan, will compete against various D.C. area bloggers in several 'made-for-tv' events such as the "Tug O' War" and "Canoeing"! Stay tuned!

Now for a word from our sponsor:

OK, we're back!

The Playaz fall behind early in the "Tandem Bicycling" event. Bloggers I-66 and Marci take an early lead before bloggers formerly known as Unique Alias and Rhinestone Cowgirl surge ahead. Their love for each other was channeled into some furious pedaling, defeating the Playaz team of Larry Holmes and Dian Parkinson. A poor decision having the 275 lb. Holmes take on this event. Let's see if they can rebound.

We're on to the swimming competition, where Hammer and the Captain will team with Kathryn and Namaste in this 400m relay event.

Unfortunately, it appears the Playaz relied on an aging Lynda Carter to anchor their relay team, and have lost yet another event, falling behind two events to none.

Kathryn (wearing Playaz-issued see-through bathing suit), "Team Playaz" captian Gabe Kaplan, Kenny Rogers, and Phil share a laugh following the swimming event

In the 100 meter dash, Bon wins handily thanks to performance enhancing steroids, which are actually encouraged in these events.

And we'll be right back after this quick commercial break:

Before the commercial break, the Playaz closed the gap, as we move on to the "Dunking Booth".

Phil entered the tank for the Playaz, taunting Team D.C. with each throw. Hammer is successful in dunking Phil on several occasions, but Team Playaz pulls this one out with the razor sharp-accuracy of Phil Niekro, dunking Team D.C. members repeatedly and even beaning several of the D.C.'ers who were reluctant to re-enter the tank.

With the score all tied, we move to the final event of our "Battle of the Blog Stars" with the Tug-'O-War.

The Playaz have pulled out a secret weapon, with the Cube 9000 serving as anchor for the Playa Team!

With a 15,000 lb. capacity built-in winch, the Cube 9000 easily handles Team D.C. The Playaz win!

Tune in next year when Kathy Lee Crosby joins Team D.C., as new contestants are sure to emerge to try and topple the Playaz!

Posted by Phil at 9:53 PM | Comments (21)

November 29, 2006

Bon to replace lead singer of The Wiggles

The hugely popular children's group The Wiggles announced that Bon will be replacing it's lead singer, "the Yellow Wiggle" Greg Page, according to the Sydney Morning Herald.

Page has fallen to serious illness and has been absent from recent performances.

The Australian group announced there would be no major changes to the television show or their concerts. However, it was noted that there have been some immediate differences since Bon has joined the group. The once popular concerts have incorporated a great deal more satanic imagery, including ritualistic simulated "sacrifices" on stage, as well as loud heavy-metal music. Parents report the new show frightens most children and are not sure about Bon's influence on the group.

One Wiggle, wishing to remain anonymous, stated that Bon has introduced hallucinogenic drugs to the group to "get the creative juices flowing". He further stated that Wiggle "Jeff's" narcolepsy is not an act, but actually episodes of that Wiggle passing out from an overdose of drugs supplied by Bon. "The children love to shout "Wake up, Jeff!" whenever this happens, but in reality it all started when we became seriously concerned about Jeff falling unconscious because of Bon's drugs, to where we were screaming at him to wake up. We were legitimately afraid he had died. It's sad, really."

Bon looks forward to reaping the financial windfall from leading the Wiggles, Australia's top earning celebrities.

Posted by Phil at 9:01 AM | Comments (22)

November 1, 2006

Rumor persists that Playaz forced Bob Barker's retirement

Bob Barker announced his retirement after hosting The Price Is Right game show for the past 35 years.

The Playaz recently joined Barker to present to him a gift honoring Barker's retirement and his 50th year in television.

A pen set with gold-plated cat testicles was given by the Playaz, acknowledging Barker's tireless work to promote the spaying and neutering of pets.

However, rumors have peristed that the Playaz forced Barker's resignation. Those rumors were fueled by Bon's long standing feud with Barker over his pro-animal stance, and the fact that the gift bestowed to Barker actually came from Bon's own Cat Testicle factory, where the cats are disposed of and the testicles are sent to "Kenny & Bon's" restaurant for consumption.

The Playaz were involved in The Price Is Right prior to Barker's arrival, before being forced out after several games were deemed to be rigged by the FCC.

The Playaz deny there is any rift between them and Barker, and wish him well in his retirement.

Posted by Phil at 1:35 PM | Comments (30)

May 17, 2006

Tac patiently awaits orders from Gilad to strike

Tac has been awaiting patiently for instructions from Gilad, former ESPN fitness guru and creator of Bodies In Motion with Gilad video tapes.

According to Tac, Gilad has been rigorously training him for over 20 years through these video tapes for a mission not yet revealed to Tac.

Tac rises at 6 a.m. each day to tune in to the television show to see if the day has come when Gilad orders the strike. Tac adds that whatever the mission entails, he will be ready for it.

"Every morning I prepare myself for Gilad's intense physical training. Then, I insert the VHS tapes and proceed to perform over 300 lunges, 200 ab-crunches, and 375 squat-thrusts at Gilad's behest, and wait for some message instructing me that it is time to strike."

Tac is convinced Gilad is preparing him for battle against some unknown foe. "I know Charles Atlas and Jack LaLanne are dead, so it can't be them," Tac said. "But whoever it is, I will be ready."

Posted by Phil at 9:11 AM | Comments (13)

April 3, 2006

Playaz purchase space robot 'Goldar' at flea market

Several of the Playaz visited a local flea market recently and discovered the former Space Giant "Goldar" standing amidst some various and sundry items being sold.

The 50 foot tall golden robot from outer space was seen "standing next to some junk, you know, old record albums, bongs, belt buckles," according to The Guv'na, and it was apparently for sale.

A young asian man going by the name "Mikko" was manning a card table of items for purchase that included the robot known as "Goldar". After a bit of haggling, Mikko agreed to let Goldar go to us for $21.

While we Playaz aren't exactly sure what we're going to do with our new possession, we feel he will come in handy when the time comes for more Comet Dust, as Goldar is able to transform himself into a rocket ship and carries with him several defense mechanisms.

His gamma-ray firing antennae seem to work okay, although he is out of torpedoes that would normally fire from his chest cavity. Other than that he works just fine. We were instructed to merely keep his joints lubricated from time to time.

The drawback is that this "Goldar" talks, which can be annoying at times, and he seems quite depressed. He keeps rambling on about his "wife" (?) who went by the name "Silvar", who according to him was much like a human in size and appearance. And, they had a kid! He didn't seem to know where he was. I guess they got divorced somewhere along the line. How this "marriage" worked I'll never know, but whatever.

He also likes to reminisce about his 'glory days' when he did battle with a fanged, afro'ed villain called "Rodak". We are forced to patronize him and his boring chatter until we can figure out if there is a switch that will turn him off.

Anyway, it is none of our concern as he is now indebted to us in eternal robot servitude.

We also saw a 1971 model "Spectreman" there, but it appeared to be in quite a state of disrepair.

Posted by Phil at 8:48 AM | Comments (9)

October 22, 2005

Must see TV

This might become the greatest television show ever.

After you've read that, go to the main page for a sample clip.

Posted by Phil at 4:06 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

October 3, 2005

The Price Is Right

This is to give you readers a little background on the time that the Playaz' hosted and produced the popular game show The Price Is Right. Prior to Bob Barker's arrival, Bon was the first host of The Price Is Right (the version that you have become familiar with, not the sixties version). Bon was an excellent host, albeit a bit aggressive and quick to anger with some of the dumber contestants. Bon ran a tight ship, and was responsible for many of the innovations that make TPIR popular today. Bon discovered and recruited the models who appeared on the show, knowing that their sex-appeal would boost ratings and help promote the show itself.

Many of you are aware of the Playaz late-night parties with the likes of Dian Parkinson, Holly Hutchinson, Ferrari Ferris, and many other of the fine ladies from TPIR. Well, they were Bon's idea, and were called "Bon's Beauties" before Barker came in riding on Bon's coattails. Wayne was the announcer for the show. Wayne is quite a handsome fellow, but has a notoriously jealous wife. In order to keep peace with his wife at home, who was not fond of the Playaz' carousing with the models on the show, Wayne decided to gain 50 pounds and wear flamboyantly gay clothing in an effort to keep the ladies away, a style that was copied by subsequent announcers after our dismissal.

We invented many of the games that are still played today. This is a picture of the "Playaz Clock Game", in which contestants tried to guess the measurements of certain Playaz within 30 seconds, where Bon would instruct the contestant to guess "higher" or "lower".

When the contestant guessed correctly, the clock would stop and then move on to the next Playa. This game was not a favorite of the network and was quickly cancelled, until the Barker-era came along and the game was simply renamed "Clock Game" where contestants guessed prices of vegetables and whatnot.

We were all fired, however, when it came out that we tried to rig the game by winning prizes for ourself. For three shows straight, either Tac, Manny or myself won as contestants on the show until the network caught on. We were forced to return most of the money, but we did get to keep a Chevrolet Caprice Classic they did not account for.

Another sore spot with the network was Bon's "kill all animals" stance, contrary to Bob Barker's stance on making sure your pets are taken care of by being either spayed or neutered. Thus, it simply didn't work out for us.

Posted by Phil at 9:10 AM | Comments (38)

September 6, 2005

The "CHiPs" pilot that never was

You were probably not aware of this, but Bon and Tac were originally slatedto appear on the hit television show "CHiPs", which aired from 1977 until 1983.

That's right. Bon was originally cast as officer "John Baker", and Tac
was cast as Sgt. "Joseph Catraire".

The pilot was shot around August of '77, and it looked like the network was going to have a hit on it's hands. But, a couple of things went astray. As many of you know, the character of "Ponch", played by Erik Estrada, was supposed to be a great handball or raquetball player. In the pilot, Ponch and John are playing a game of raquetball when Bon got a little over-zealous and smashed Estrada over the head with his raquet stemming from a dispute in the score.

There was tension on the set ever since. Secondly, Wayne was
negotiating the salaries for Bon and Tac, and Wayne felt Bon and Tac
deserved the same money as Henry Winkler was making in his role as "The Fonz" on Happy Days. Tac and Bon threatened to hold out until their salary demands were met.

Needless to say, the studio execs replaced Bon and Tac with Larry
Wilcox and Robert Pine, and the rest was history.

Posted by Phil at 9:13 PM | Comments (51)