Then, we disembark to Playaz Ball 2008, only 4 short weeks away.

"Look! The colon seems to be closing!"

"This is no colon...."

"What?!"

"What was that!!?"

"By my observations it was a giant tapeworm that has been living in Phil's colon."

"But how did it get there?"

"No doubt from Phil's journey to Africa, where he must have eaten at 'Kenny & Bon's' and ordered the side dish of tapeworms. Who knew they could be parasitic? Certainly no one at the FDA or Board of Health notified me of anything. Plus, they're pretty lax in other continents I've come to find out."

"Regardless of that -- how do we kill it?"

"Have you ever seen 'Jaws'......?"

"Great shot, Tac! And great work, Playaz! I'm sure Phil is feeling better already!"

This is some artwork penned by yours truly. I call it "Batman has a weakness".

Tune in next week for the stunning conclusion to "Fantastic Voyage...to Phil's colon".

"Quarters?"

"Yes, it looks like almost $40 worth."

"By the looks of it, Phil has either accidentally, or purposefully, swallowed these while playing the drinking game."

"That's nothing. Take a look at all the coal located in the intestines that Phil swallowed over the years."

"Yes, Phil believed that by swallowing the coal he could later produce diamonds."

"Did it work?"

"Well, we haven't seen any diamonds yet.....wait....we're approaching the entry way to the colon....what's that?!"

"This way out......this way out.....stay out of the colon.....this way oouuut..."

"What in God's name is that?!!"

"I'm not sure. He seems to be issuing some kind of warning, trying to direct us elsewhere. Ignore him, and remind me to kill it later."

"Nooo!!! Don't go that-a-way!!"

"I don't see anything...do you?"

"Nothing. Except...."

"Except what?"

"Turn the ship around."

"Why?"

"Just do it!"

"Look! The colon seems to be closing!"

"This is no colon!........"

"Phil has not fully recovered from his previous health issues?"

"That's right. Ever since Phil left Playaz Ball 2007 to seek out Wayne's mysterious absence and headed for the African coast, we don't know what illness befell him."

"Oh yeah....what ever became of all that?"

"No time to explain now! Look, we are approaching Phil's heart."

"Dear God! It appears to be coated in melted cheese!"

"Ah yes...I believe we will find cheese coursing through Phil's veins...like a magic congealed bond that holds the very strands of life together."

"Hold on, Playaz, it appears we are getting close to the stomach. I understand Kenny is able to view us through their monitors."

"Magnificent! Just as we expected....the "doughnut caverns" we've heard so much about. It is believed Phil's stomach contains at least 24 doughnuts at any given time."

"Does he even chew them? I've never noticed."

"No. Apparently he consumes them whole. His teeth have lost all of their enamel over time, and I believe he is incapable of chewing most foods."

"What's that?!"

"Salt! Mixed with cocaine....Phil's love of all things salted, combined with copious useage of cocaine have created these pillars as the two collected within his stomach."

"Come, Playaz. We have a long journey ahead. Let us partake in this salt-cocaine pillar to give us energy...."

So, the Playaz and I have opted to attack this disease, Playa-style.

A 'submarine' craft has been constructed.

As I lay sedated on this hospital bed, the miraculous will occur.

Bon, Wayne, Tac, and the Guv'na will be shrunk to microscopic size, and will then be injected directly into my bloodstream, helming the submarine craft directly to the problem source. It will surely be....

A Fantastic Voyage...to Phil's colon!

Wayne presents his rate of hourly services to God

God has been under investigation since April, and was arrested this past Saturday charged with several counts of possession and distribution, with additional charges levied for being within 1,000 feet of a church.

Wayne stated his Client was not guilty of these charges, and that He would be exonerated.

God is being held on $86,500 bond.

It has been nominated by Geo as "THE photo of the year".

Please feel free to email it to all your friends.

In an effort to offset rising fuel costs, Bush specifically asked the Playaz to release approximately one million barrels a day to the general public, despite the Playaz' insistence that the oil is for personal use only.

The Playaz' oil rig, just off the shore at island resort Wild Dunes in the Isle of Palms, SC

The Playaz rig was constructed in 1976, prior to Jimmy Carter's election as President, and primarily is used to gas up their SUV's and private jets (the crude oil is refined in the Playaz' basement).

The Guv'na informed President Bush that the Playaz had very little oil they could spare. The Guv'na excused himself from the meeting, informing Bush that the Playaz were flying to nearby Charleston (roughly a 20 minute drive) for dinner. It is noted that the Playaz "carbon footprint" is roughly the size of five planets (the planets being Jupiter).

It was the second such visit by Bush, who was politely rebuffed in his first meeting as well, when Larry Holmes informed the President that he "best get out of their face".

Trailer

For reference, go here and here.

Photographers gathered at the stadium's future location to click the first shovel-fulls of dirt removed at the site, after which the Playaz intend to fill with bodies that have amassed over the past year or so.

"This was an excellent opportunity for us," said Phil. "Most landfills were refusing to take our corpses, and frankly we were running out of options."

The Playaz played a key role in securing the former Richmond, Virginia team, convincing them and the county that a new minor league team would be a perfect fit for one of the fastest growing counties in the country. Once the site was identified for the new stadium's location, the Playaz then had their sights set on disposing of various, unnamed individuals who mysteriously deceased in the presence of, or in the vicinity of the Playaz.

The Playaz were able to gather various Georgia dignitaries, such as Gov. Perdue, County Commissioners, etc., to take up their gold-plated shovels and dig a 100' long, shallow trench for a photo opportunity that would then be back filled with persons the Playaz insisted were not noteworthy or of importance to anyone, and that we should all just forget what we've seen here today.

A youngster shows off his new batting helmet for the soon-to-arrive minor league franchise. Each will have the face of a different Playa on the front.

While the lack of understanding of our website might seem inconceivable at first, it is fair to admit that we have been away for some while and new readers are discovering us, just as the old readers are "re-discovering" us.

So how best to explain to young Rebecca what the Playaz are all about?

First Rebecca, read the following article that was recently done on the Playaz:

PLAYAZ WILL STEAL YOUR WIFE AND MONEY

by Alex Davies
Wireless Flash News
June 4, 2008

ATLANTA (Wireless Flash) -- Don't hate the playa, hate the
game.

A group of Southern men known as the Playaz are gaining
notoriety on the Internet through their website,
playazball.com, and they have one thing to say to their
critics: Don't hate if you can't relate.

Head Playa Phil Braun says, "We consider ourselves the
most important people on the Internet. We're involved in
everything from making love to world leaders' wives and
cutting back the animal population, to space travel and
narcotics. People should never hate a playa, even if they've
been screwed by us. Maybe we took your money or wife, but you
probably deserved it."

The playaz cite country crooner Kenny Rogers as their
idol and inspiration because of his raw sexual magnetism...

And that only scratches the surface, of course. As Bon stated in his reply, the answers to the Playaz' mysteries can best be discovered in the archives via our "Categories" section in the sidebar. In order to get you started, I have recommended a few links.

Introduction

National Affairs

Kenny Rogers

Former Heavyweight Champion Larry Holmes

Space Travel

Playaz' Nutrition

and naturally, Playaz Ball - which is the reason we're here to start with.

Hope that helps a bit - plenty more where that came from of course, and we hope you return often.

If you visit Atlanta, you're sure to see the Playaz on various marquee billboards around the city

The tribe, discovered almost by accident by researchers studying the Amazon rainforests, were believed to have been never before seen by outside civilization and may have had a connection to the current-day Playaz as possible ancestoral links.

The Playaz, curious about this amazing scientific discovery, immediately began plans to clear-cut the site and lay out plans for construction that will include restaurants, a 10-level parking garage, hotel and casino, and other various retail shops.

"These savages don't know how lucky they will have it," foreman Tac was quoted as saying. "Imagine riding down Kenny Rogers Boulevard with your four wives and children to grab a bite at Kenny & Bon's, play 18 holes of golf, then wrap up the evening at the craps table!"

Construction is believed to continue for the next 18-24 months. The current residents have been displaced to allow the development.